Read Online Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott - Free Book Online
Authors: Elizabeth Scott
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says, blinking like he's asleep and trying to wake up. "You--you look funny when you talk about her. Like you want to eat her, or something. Swallow her up whole." He shakes his head, closes his eyes.
Will he go to sleep? If he does, I could--could I leave now?
I wait one breath, two, twenty. Then whisper his name. "Jake?"
"Want to enjoy this," he says, sullen fly buzz back in his voice. "Not think about things. And you ... you don't like me at all, do you?"
"No," I say, and watch his eyes fly open, mouth drop into a little round O I could twist my fingers into, knotting his lips before squeezing his jaw. Bending him back, forcing him down. He would do it, I think.
He would break.
I lean over, put my mouth on his. Bite his lip, feel the flesh, soft and tender, caught between my teeth. Hear his startled, slow yelp.
Watch him wipe his mouth when I pull away, no hand raised, no words, no voice. He's just still. Silent.
Just like I sit with Ray. Just like I am when Ray reaches for me.
"Be here tomorrow," I say, and leave. I don't even stop to look at Annabel before I go, just walk to the bus, the taste of his broken mouth in mine.
Now I know why Ray does not care about food, why he eats the same meals over and over, why all the things that cramp my stomach with want mean nothing to him. I am all filled up, head to toe crammed with having Jake sitting there watching me. Those wide drugged eyes, and what was behind them.
Fear.
39
RAY KNOWS WHEN I GET HOME. OF course he knows, senses I have seen what he understands and watches me walk toward him, grinning wide. You did it, Alice, he says, you found out when she's coming back and it's tomorrow, no question in his voice, fact, Ray owns the world, he makes what he wants happen, and I nod yes.
He says, Come here. He says, You're my pretty girl. You're my forever girl. My girl. My Alice.
He pinches the stub of my left breast hard, then grabs the right and hauls me in, face changing, smile shifting into his real one, all gums and teeth. Ready to tear.
He says, Do you see what time it is? He says, Do you know how long I've been here, waiting?
I look at the cable box. 5:02 it says in red, 5:02, and I am supposed to be home before then, I should always be home when Ray gets there, should always be waiting for him and he says-—
He says, Do you think you can do this without me, you think you can have some kind of--pause--spit hot on my face--fun? You think some boy is fun?
Shaking me now, my head and neck go SNAP back and forth.
You think you were having fun?
No Ray no I swear I just-—
You just what--? Watching my face, thumb tracing my lips, pressing hard.
He won't be a problem I got him to come tomorrow and he will and Annabel will be there, she's all better, he said so, she'll be there waiting and she's so pretty you'll like her Ray you'll love her I'll hold her down, hold her hands while you show her how to behave.
"And that's all?" Fingers in my hair, tearing, pushing me down onto the floor.
"That's all, he's nothing, you know it, I know you know it."
Teeth snapping by my neck. Whisper,
I do. I know everything.
Now everything is familiar. He says, You need me. You love me. Say it. Say it.
Say it, I have said it, I will say it now. I talk until my voice dries up. Words are just letters, A-L-I-C-E, and I know the ones he wants to hear.
Ray sits me on his lap and gives me sips of water after, crackers and a tiny piece of cheese, a special dinner, the cheese coming from his own food, a sandwich he bought, a large roll with meat oozing out the sides.
Mine, he says, but I'll share it with you. Soft kisses on my tender skin and I look at the ceiling so my flesh won't creep away from him.
He says, Kissing it better, you see? Making you all better. Aren't you better?
I nod. Stare at the ceiling and think that soon Annabel will be here. Soon I will not be alone.
40
ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A little girl. She took long showers every night, swimming in the
Will he go to sleep? If he does, I could--could I leave now?
I wait one breath, two, twenty. Then whisper his name. "Jake?"
"Want to enjoy this," he says, sullen fly buzz back in his voice. "Not think about things. And you ... you don't like me at all, do you?"
"No," I say, and watch his eyes fly open, mouth drop into a little round O I could twist my fingers into, knotting his lips before squeezing his jaw. Bending him back, forcing him down. He would do it, I think.
He would break.
I lean over, put my mouth on his. Bite his lip, feel the flesh, soft and tender, caught between my teeth. Hear his startled, slow yelp.
Watch him wipe his mouth when I pull away, no hand raised, no words, no voice. He's just still. Silent.
Just like I sit with Ray. Just like I am when Ray reaches for me.
"Be here tomorrow," I say, and leave. I don't even stop to look at Annabel before I go, just walk to the bus, the taste of his broken mouth in mine.
Now I know why Ray does not care about food, why he eats the same meals over and over, why all the things that cramp my stomach with want mean nothing to him. I am all filled up, head to toe crammed with having Jake sitting there watching me. Those wide drugged eyes, and what was behind them.
Fear.
39
RAY KNOWS WHEN I GET HOME. OF course he knows, senses I have seen what he understands and watches me walk toward him, grinning wide. You did it, Alice, he says, you found out when she's coming back and it's tomorrow, no question in his voice, fact, Ray owns the world, he makes what he wants happen, and I nod yes.
He says, Come here. He says, You're my pretty girl. You're my forever girl. My girl. My Alice.
He pinches the stub of my left breast hard, then grabs the right and hauls me in, face changing, smile shifting into his real one, all gums and teeth. Ready to tear.
He says, Do you see what time it is? He says, Do you know how long I've been here, waiting?
I look at the cable box. 5:02 it says in red, 5:02, and I am supposed to be home before then, I should always be home when Ray gets there, should always be waiting for him and he says-—
He says, Do you think you can do this without me, you think you can have some kind of--pause--spit hot on my face--fun? You think some boy is fun?
Shaking me now, my head and neck go SNAP back and forth.
You think you were having fun?
No Ray no I swear I just-—
You just what--? Watching my face, thumb tracing my lips, pressing hard.
He won't be a problem I got him to come tomorrow and he will and Annabel will be there, she's all better, he said so, she'll be there waiting and she's so pretty you'll like her Ray you'll love her I'll hold her down, hold her hands while you show her how to behave.
"And that's all?" Fingers in my hair, tearing, pushing me down onto the floor.
"That's all, he's nothing, you know it, I know you know it."
Teeth snapping by my neck. Whisper,
I do. I know everything.
Now everything is familiar. He says, You need me. You love me. Say it. Say it.
Say it, I have said it, I will say it now. I talk until my voice dries up. Words are just letters, A-L-I-C-E, and I know the ones he wants to hear.
Ray sits me on his lap and gives me sips of water after, crackers and a tiny piece of cheese, a special dinner, the cheese coming from his own food, a sandwich he bought, a large roll with meat oozing out the sides.
Mine, he says, but I'll share it with you. Soft kisses on my tender skin and I look at the ceiling so my flesh won't creep away from him.
He says, Kissing it better, you see? Making you all better. Aren't you better?
I nod. Stare at the ceiling and think that soon Annabel will be here. Soon I will not be alone.
40
ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A little girl. She took long showers every night, swimming in the
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