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Authors: Robin Palmer
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Matt Rabinov’s iPhone, laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“You’re the latest entry in UrbanDictionary.com,” said Hannah Brodsky.
“What are you talking about?” I said, pushing my way through the crowd so I could see.
“Sophie Greene (n.) A
person who tries to rig an election but fails miserably
,” it said on the screen. “
e.g., ‘Dude, whatever you do, don’t try and pull a Sophie Greene unless you want to commit social suicide.’”
Oh. My. God. Why couldn’t this have happened last period when I was in chemistry and could’ve downed some hydrochloric acid right then and there? Needless to say, I kept my head down the rest of the day and tried to ignore the snickers.
Thank god it was the last day before break.
As I walked through the Dell after school toward Nordstrom to buy the SPF 85 sunblock that Mom insisted I wear, I wondered how I was ever going to show my face at school again. I had wanted to be noticed, but not like
this.
Thankfully, I had a whole week before I had to go back, but maybe I’d just stay in Florida forever. I could get a job as acheckout girl at the Publix supermarket or become a waitress at Red Robin and rake in the tips during the early bird dinner shift. Sure, it wasn’t New York or Paris or London, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about people staring at me, if only because they couldn’t see me since they were old and almost legally blind.
Until then, though, I needed something to help me go incognito. Yes, school was out, but I still had to suffer through twelve more hours in L.A., and the idea of running into someone I knew sounded as painful as watching Jeremy suffer through a birthday party with non-Asperger kids.
Then I had a moment of brilliance just before I got to Nordstrom. I stopped and turned around. Luckily, I knew just the thing.
“Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy!” I said to the cart guy as I counted out the bills. “You can even keep the five cents.” I placed the red cowboy hat on my head. It was just as dramatic looking as I remembered. Even though it was still too big, I could feel my entire DNA change as I strode back to the car. Not only that, but when I passed by Dylan Schoenfield and heard her talking about the Urban Dictionary thing with Amy Loubalu (I couldn’t believe the news had made it all the way to the seniors), they totally didn’t recognize me.
I may not have been Miss April, and I may have beensemi-dumped the night before, but with every step, I could feel myself getting closer to my destiny.
“All set?” Mom asked the next morning when I came down to the kitchen with my carry-on. She, Dad, and Jeremy were waiting to take me to the airport three hours before takeoff. Just once I wish I could have gotten there really late like Devon always did and gotten a special escort to whisk me through security, but as long as my parents were involved, that was never going to happen. I mean, sure, I didn’t like being late, and so I understood getting there an hour early, or two hours early for an international flight, but three?
“Yes, I’m all set,” I said.
“You have your vitamins?”
I nodded.
“Copies of medical records in case of emergency?”
I nodded again.
“Maxi pads?”
“Mom!”
“What?”
I gestured toward Dad and Jeremy. “Um, males in the room?”
She shrugged. “Your grandmother went through menopause years ago. I want you to be prepared.”
“Yes, I packed my maxi pads,” I sighed.
“Sunblock?”
I hesitated. “Yes.” A lie, I know. At least it wasn’t a
huge
one, like when Devon “forgot” to tell the English prime minister that she was married to someone else before she agreed to marry him in
Frazzled with Forgetting
. I’d buy some sunblock at the Garden of Eden pharmacy.
“What about the lox and whitefish?” Dad asked.
“What lox and whitefish?” I asked, confused.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe we almost forgot the lox and whitefish!”
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“You’re the latest entry in UrbanDictionary.com,” said Hannah Brodsky.
“What are you talking about?” I said, pushing my way through the crowd so I could see.
“Sophie Greene (n.) A
person who tries to rig an election but fails miserably
,” it said on the screen. “
e.g., ‘Dude, whatever you do, don’t try and pull a Sophie Greene unless you want to commit social suicide.’”
Oh. My. God. Why couldn’t this have happened last period when I was in chemistry and could’ve downed some hydrochloric acid right then and there? Needless to say, I kept my head down the rest of the day and tried to ignore the snickers.
Thank god it was the last day before break.
As I walked through the Dell after school toward Nordstrom to buy the SPF 85 sunblock that Mom insisted I wear, I wondered how I was ever going to show my face at school again. I had wanted to be noticed, but not like
this.
Thankfully, I had a whole week before I had to go back, but maybe I’d just stay in Florida forever. I could get a job as acheckout girl at the Publix supermarket or become a waitress at Red Robin and rake in the tips during the early bird dinner shift. Sure, it wasn’t New York or Paris or London, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about people staring at me, if only because they couldn’t see me since they were old and almost legally blind.
Until then, though, I needed something to help me go incognito. Yes, school was out, but I still had to suffer through twelve more hours in L.A., and the idea of running into someone I knew sounded as painful as watching Jeremy suffer through a birthday party with non-Asperger kids.
Then I had a moment of brilliance just before I got to Nordstrom. I stopped and turned around. Luckily, I knew just the thing.
“Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy!” I said to the cart guy as I counted out the bills. “You can even keep the five cents.” I placed the red cowboy hat on my head. It was just as dramatic looking as I remembered. Even though it was still too big, I could feel my entire DNA change as I strode back to the car. Not only that, but when I passed by Dylan Schoenfield and heard her talking about the Urban Dictionary thing with Amy Loubalu (I couldn’t believe the news had made it all the way to the seniors), they totally didn’t recognize me.
I may not have been Miss April, and I may have beensemi-dumped the night before, but with every step, I could feel myself getting closer to my destiny.
“All set?” Mom asked the next morning when I came down to the kitchen with my carry-on. She, Dad, and Jeremy were waiting to take me to the airport three hours before takeoff. Just once I wish I could have gotten there really late like Devon always did and gotten a special escort to whisk me through security, but as long as my parents were involved, that was never going to happen. I mean, sure, I didn’t like being late, and so I understood getting there an hour early, or two hours early for an international flight, but three?
“Yes, I’m all set,” I said.
“You have your vitamins?”
I nodded.
“Copies of medical records in case of emergency?”
I nodded again.
“Maxi pads?”
“Mom!”
“What?”
I gestured toward Dad and Jeremy. “Um, males in the room?”
She shrugged. “Your grandmother went through menopause years ago. I want you to be prepared.”
“Yes, I packed my maxi pads,” I sighed.
“Sunblock?”
I hesitated. “Yes.” A lie, I know. At least it wasn’t a
huge
one, like when Devon “forgot” to tell the English prime minister that she was married to someone else before she agreed to marry him in
Frazzled with Forgetting
. I’d buy some sunblock at the Garden of Eden pharmacy.
“What about the lox and whitefish?” Dad asked.
“What lox and whitefish?” I asked, confused.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe we almost forgot the lox and whitefish!”
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