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Authors: Carole Bellacera
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chance as Mother went on, “You can go to a job every day and bring home your very own pay check. Imagine that! Why, wouldn’t that be a sight? A check made out to Lillian Rae Foster? And who knows? If you get yourself a nice secretarial job up there in Louieville, you might even get to go on a business trip someday to some fancy place like New York City. You might get to ride on one of them airplanes, wouldn’t that be somethin’?”
I stared at my mother, amazed. Maybe it was a trick of the moonlight but she looked almost like a teenager sitting there with her feet in the water and her eyes dancing with what could only be excitement. Why, I’d never imagined in a million years that Mother thought about such things! She’d always seemed like she was perfectly happy with her life here in Opal Springs.
“Maybe you do have the second sight,” I finally said. “I had a dream tonight about the Empire State Building.” I looked down into the pond, sending the water rippling with my feet. “But I just don’t know about going up to Louieville, Mother. I’ve never been away from ya’all before…not more than a night, and…well, I’m just gonna miss everybody.”
“Of course you’re gonna miss us,” Mother snapped. Then she added in a softer tone, “I reckon we’ll miss you, too, child. But that’s no reason not to spread your wings and fly.” She looked up and fastened her gaze on the moon. “You see that there moon? That’s what my great-grandmother called a shepherd moon. You see how that dark shadow looks like a shepherd? See the hook he carries to grab his lost sheep? There’s some folks that believe the scriptures got it wrong when they said the wise men were led to the baby Jesus by a star. In my family, story was that it wasn’t a star a’tall, but a big old yeller moon like that’un. And that shepherd moon led them home to Jesus.”
Mother fell silent again, and I didn’t know if that meant she was done with her story, or just thinking about what she wanted to say next. An owl hooted in the night, its lonesome call echoing down from the ridge. It brought tears to my eyes.
Lord, I was going to miss this place.
“Trust in the shepherd moon, Lily Rae,” Mother said. “Nobody gets out of this life without pain, but if you trust in the shepherd moon, it’ll always lead you home. Maybe not to this home where we’re sittin’ right now, but your real home. The one that’s inside your heart.”
I still didn’t understand what Mother was trying to tell me, but I felt comforted, anyway. How odd, I thought, that although she’d always been kind and patient and even loving in her reserved way, we’d never had a good conversation like this before. One that seemed so…woman-to-woman. It made my heart ache with love, but with sadness, too, because we’d waited until my last night at home to have such a talk.
“So…you really think I’m doing the right thing in leaving?” I asked.
Mother stared out over the pond. “I reckon if you don’t get out there and try something new, you might just regret it the rest of your life.”
But what about Jake, I thought. What if I lose Jake ?
Suddenly I wanted desperately to tell Mother about Jake, about how much I loved him. I almost believed she’d understand. If she’d felt the same about Daddy, if she’d grown to love him like I loved Jake--which, surely she had, because, after all, she’d had five children with him—surely, she’d understand. Would she remember what young love felt like? That beautiful, giddy feeling that made your head spin, your heart race and that, sometimes brought you to tears for no reason at all?
I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to begin. At that moment, a ghostlike cloud slipped in front of the moon, darkening the summer night.
Mother heaved a sigh and drew her feet out of the water. “It’s late. I reckon you and me better hit the hay. Got to get up with the sun tomorrow.”
And the moment was
I stared at my mother, amazed. Maybe it was a trick of the moonlight but she looked almost like a teenager sitting there with her feet in the water and her eyes dancing with what could only be excitement. Why, I’d never imagined in a million years that Mother thought about such things! She’d always seemed like she was perfectly happy with her life here in Opal Springs.
“Maybe you do have the second sight,” I finally said. “I had a dream tonight about the Empire State Building.” I looked down into the pond, sending the water rippling with my feet. “But I just don’t know about going up to Louieville, Mother. I’ve never been away from ya’all before…not more than a night, and…well, I’m just gonna miss everybody.”
“Of course you’re gonna miss us,” Mother snapped. Then she added in a softer tone, “I reckon we’ll miss you, too, child. But that’s no reason not to spread your wings and fly.” She looked up and fastened her gaze on the moon. “You see that there moon? That’s what my great-grandmother called a shepherd moon. You see how that dark shadow looks like a shepherd? See the hook he carries to grab his lost sheep? There’s some folks that believe the scriptures got it wrong when they said the wise men were led to the baby Jesus by a star. In my family, story was that it wasn’t a star a’tall, but a big old yeller moon like that’un. And that shepherd moon led them home to Jesus.”
Mother fell silent again, and I didn’t know if that meant she was done with her story, or just thinking about what she wanted to say next. An owl hooted in the night, its lonesome call echoing down from the ridge. It brought tears to my eyes.
Lord, I was going to miss this place.
“Trust in the shepherd moon, Lily Rae,” Mother said. “Nobody gets out of this life without pain, but if you trust in the shepherd moon, it’ll always lead you home. Maybe not to this home where we’re sittin’ right now, but your real home. The one that’s inside your heart.”
I still didn’t understand what Mother was trying to tell me, but I felt comforted, anyway. How odd, I thought, that although she’d always been kind and patient and even loving in her reserved way, we’d never had a good conversation like this before. One that seemed so…woman-to-woman. It made my heart ache with love, but with sadness, too, because we’d waited until my last night at home to have such a talk.
“So…you really think I’m doing the right thing in leaving?” I asked.
Mother stared out over the pond. “I reckon if you don’t get out there and try something new, you might just regret it the rest of your life.”
But what about Jake, I thought. What if I lose Jake ?
Suddenly I wanted desperately to tell Mother about Jake, about how much I loved him. I almost believed she’d understand. If she’d felt the same about Daddy, if she’d grown to love him like I loved Jake--which, surely she had, because, after all, she’d had five children with him—surely, she’d understand. Would she remember what young love felt like? That beautiful, giddy feeling that made your head spin, your heart race and that, sometimes brought you to tears for no reason at all?
I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to begin. At that moment, a ghostlike cloud slipped in front of the moon, darkening the summer night.
Mother heaved a sigh and drew her feet out of the water. “It’s late. I reckon you and me better hit the hay. Got to get up with the sun tomorrow.”
And the moment was
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