Read Online Life's Perfect Plan (The Life Series) by Sarah Goodman - Free Book Online

pictures, his high school graduation picture, college graduation. I finally see a picture of him and me in our caps and gowns, one of us looking at the camera and the other kissing, then there are pictures of him in law school, us on dates, us on the beach, and us at Disney World with Mickey Mouse. These pictures seem like they are such a distant memory, but at the same they seem like they just happened yesterday.
    Hearing the lyric s, “just keep me awake, so I can memorize you …” It is the most touching song I have ever heard and so true. I can’t cry for the loss I have.
    I watch these pictures memorize Grant and our memories. I see our engagement pictures appear, then our wedding. Looking at our wedding I feel like someone had punched me in the gut. Our wedding was the most magical day I have ever experienced. I couldn’t breathe. I had finally cracked! I have died on the inside.
    Ella slides over to hug me, whispering me to breathe. She keeps saying, “it’s OK.” I want to smack her and say it’s not OK. This is a cruel, sick joke that life vomited in my face.
    I wipe my tears to watch the last few pictures are of him lying in our backyard with our dogs, then our family picture of him and me sitting in the grass with Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm. Kate took those pictures during the Labor Day Bar-B-Q at our house. I was going to use them for our Christmas card pictures this year. Then the final two are of him on his bike, and then the close up of him on the bike in the same pose. He was so damn handsome; I wish I would have taken more pictures of his face. He was so photogenic. I just stare at those beautiful brown eyes, as if he is staring at me through the camera lens. Feeling more tears slowly side down my cheek, because I know I will never see those eyes look at me again.
    Ella hugs me to her. I turn around and kiss her cheek. Needing to get up, I walk over to Ethan, sit on his lap and just hug him. I whisper in his ear, “Ethan thank you for giving me something so special. I am so sorry for what I said earlier. I’m sorry for being such a bitch. You know I didn’t mean it. I love you and thank you so much.” I kiss his cheek as I get up and walk over to Cole and Anna.
    Cole rises as he sees what I am doing. He embraces my hug and squeezes me, “Beth, you know Anna didn’t mean anything she said yesterday. She’s hurting. We all are hurting. Most of all we love you as our own. We couldn’t be happier about our grandchild. We just hope you will keep us in his or her life.”
    I push away with my hands on his chest. I look into those same beautiful brown eyes as Grant’s and say, “I could never keep the both of you away from this baby. I hope that he or she brings you as much joy and happiness as Grant brought to you both. I am truly sorry for what I did. I will live with this guilt the rest of my life, please know that. He should have been there.”
    Anna stands up and puts her arms my waist and hugs me. “Please forgive me Beth. I’m so sorry and I want this baby just as much as you. This baby is all I have left of Grant.” I nod my head in agreement. I kiss her on the cheek and start to make my rounds to family and friends.

 
     
    Today is my 30 th birthday. To me though it is just another day where I struggle to get through every hour and every day. Grant has been gone a month, it has been the loneliest, scariest month of my life. It kills my soul to think this is how my life is going to be.
    Rolling out of bed today, I feel cramps, my abdomen is very sore. I look very swollen. I have been having all day sickness. Why on earth they call it morning sickness beats me. I become really concerned because I just saw Dr. Wilson last week. Where he confirmed my pregnancy and saw the heartbeat of the baby. I call Ella and explain to her what I am experiencing. She tells me to call the office to fit me in. She sounds very concerned and I do not like her tone. Once I am off the phone with her I call the