Letting You Know

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Authors: Nora Flite
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“Is this about Bethany again?”
    Gawking,
giving myself away, I finally deflated with a sour laugh. “Maybe.
Sort of. I don't know how to explain it.”
    “ Try,”
she coaxed me, sitting on the bed so close our thighs touched. “I
saw her chatting with you at brunch. What—um, what were you two
talking about?”
    How
she had hurt me terribly. How she warned me you'd break my heart. Looking
away from her concerned face, how the lines of her forehead made deep
grooves, I took a breath. “Nothing important. I can't tell why
she's even bothering with me.”
    “ What
do you mean?”
    “ Well,”
I started, noticing how I was picking at the inside of my hand.
Clenching my fingers, I made myself stop. “When she broke up
with me, that was... that was it. She quit talking to me entirely. I
haven't had a word with her in over six months... until this
morning.”
    Leah
leaned away, studying me carefully. “Back up, this has been
bugging me. I knew you guys split up, but... she was the one who left you? ”
    “ Did
you not know that?” I asked, my skin boiling like a jungle. The
cold outside sounded very tempting just then. “Yes, she was the
one that ended it.”
    Her
eyes were watery, jittery. It was like she was struggling to look at
me, to face something that made her feel ill. “Maybe I
shouldn't be asking you about this. I guess I'm morbidly curious now,
though.” Her fingers coiled in her lap, so I grabbed them
gently.
    “ Leah,
you don't need to hear this if you don't want to. This isn't exactly
what I was hoping our Christmas trip was going to focus on.”
    The
sudden bark of a laugh she gave startled me. “You're right,
this is dumb. Besides, I can smell dinner downstairs. Your brother,
he's supposed to arrive soon, right?”
    Nodding,
unable to ignore how her hand was trembling under mine, I reached out
and pulled her against me. “You don't need to pretend.”
    “ I—pretend
what?” She muttered, stiff in my arms, her body falling
partially into my lap.
    “ That
you're okay, I can tell this is all freaking you out.”
    Leah
was silent, her heart thrumming against mine for several long
minutes. Eventually she went limp, giving in to my embrace, the wind
exploding from her lungs in an awkward exhale. “I won't lie.
Yes, this is... this is all really weird. Seeing her this morning at
church was strange, but not awful. It was just... at brunch, when I
saw you guys touching—”
    My
gut reaction was to stop her. Instinct kicked in, lips pushing to
hers and stealing the end of her rambling worries. Don't
think about that, please, Leah... Mentally,
I felt anguish over the thought that I had hurt her. I tried to
imagine how I would have felt, watching her touch Owen from afar.
    That
line of thought wasn't helpful, it only brought back the horrifying
memory of bloody fists and Leah's pale, unconscious face. Hugging her
harder, I heard her gasp.
    “ Sorry,”
I whispered, pulling away, ashamed I had been too rough.
    “ No,”
she assured me, eyes warm, inviting as she brushed her nose to mine.
“No, it's fine. You caught me off guard, is all.”
    Adjusting
us, I snuggled her so the top of her head was in the crook of my
neck. “I don't want to talk about Bethany anymore. Is that okay
with you? Can this trip just be about us, and you getting to know my
family?”
    Not
able to see her expression, I listened instead to her pulse. It was
shallow, vibrating like a flute on my skin. “I'd like that,”
she finally whispered, tightening her limbs around my torso.
    This
is what I want. I don't care about Bethany, I don't want to see her,
or to remember her. None of that matters, not at all.
    Closing
my eyes, I saw in my mind the melting heart I had traced with my
finger on the bedroom window last night. Oddly, it sent a sharp pain
up my shoulder blades.
    I
need to know what this means... wanting to protect Leah, to keep her
safe from my own mistakes, my own messy past... Is this really...
    Am
I really in love

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