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Book: Letters To My Little Brother: Misadventures In Growing Older by Matt McKinney
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Authors: Matt McKinney
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Just because I take my abstinence seriously doesn’t mean I don’t have a sense of humor.
Drunk people often do incredibly frustrating things. I will try my best to be patient with you but, like any human being, I can’t guarantee that I will succeed.
Just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I think I’m super-human. I still have a lot (A LOT) of weaknesses and, yes, vices.
Don’t say you’ll go “cold turkey” with drinking after a certain event or milestone (i.e. graduation). Don’t say you can later avoid the habits you’re creating now. It’s bad to lie to me, but it’s worse to lie to yourself.
Don't use inebriation as an excuse for your actions and I won't judge you for them.
Even if you drink like a fish, I will respect you and your attitudes if you respect me and mine.
It doesn't make me less of a person because I don't drink like you do, nor am I trying to take the "high-ground" (whatever that means) by abstaining. You're not more mature than me because you drink wine with dinner and I'm not more mature than you for refusing to shotgun Naty Light at a party. At the end of the day, we're all human and we are all beautiful, imperfect creatures .
I hope you’re not discovering the world of drugs and alcohol. I don’t think you are. You’re probably more likely to inject yourself with some HGH and horse tranquilizers than you are to test the ganja, but I thought I’d advise you nonetheless. I’m always looking out for you.
Please know that I will love you no matter what you do in your life. You could be an alcohol-drinking, baby-seal clubbing, California-style driver and I would still love you. And, in the event that I don’t, I promise that I will always try.
Love you always,
-Big Boy
CHAPTER Six:
How to Take on the working world
Dear Squirrel,
I’ve heard that you need an internship for the summer and you’ve yet to find one. Smooth, bro. I like the “wait until all my options are gone and then convince Mom and Dad that it’s okay that I don’t have an internship and that I can just watch Netflix all day” plan. I’m sure it’ll go over great with them.
But, since misery loves company, I feel your pain. Job hunts suck. How do you possibly find something you might actually enjoy doing when you’re really just trying to keep our parents off your back about being unemployed? How do you avoid them calling you a lazy bum who avoids all forms of effort and plays antiquated video game systems all day? (Just because I still play Pokémon Fire Red doesn’t mean I’m trying to relive my childhood!) And once you finally find that job, how do you actually get it? All these firms out there assure you that they “respond to every applicant within two weeks” but they never do. Ubisoft and Bungie haven’t returned my email in [at the time of publishing it’s been 4] years and I’m pretty sure I won’t be hearing them for at least another two (hundred). Why is it so hard to find a job with the least amount of responsibility a la American Beauty , especially when all you want to do is make enough money to pay for at least two Chipotle burritos with guac every week?
Trust me when I say that I can empathize. I just had my first real business pitch a few months ago. It was a little strange for me because I’m fairly unaccustomed to the business world. While my arrogance and ego should be a perfect fit, I know more about Diagon Alley than Wall Street. As you can therefore imagine, it was the most nervous I’d been since the first time a girl had seen me naked. No, wait. That’s not true. The most nervous I’d been since eaten at Mellow Mushroom. (Their pizza does a real number on my bowels.)
I spent a whole week preparing a 15-page proposal. For someone who intentionally sets his own work hours, and therefore doesn’t work more than 5 hours a day, I grinded pretty hard. I was doing research and design analysis and writing and all sorts of stuff
Drunk people often do incredibly frustrating things. I will try my best to be patient with you but, like any human being, I can’t guarantee that I will succeed.
Just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I think I’m super-human. I still have a lot (A LOT) of weaknesses and, yes, vices.
Don’t say you’ll go “cold turkey” with drinking after a certain event or milestone (i.e. graduation). Don’t say you can later avoid the habits you’re creating now. It’s bad to lie to me, but it’s worse to lie to yourself.
Don't use inebriation as an excuse for your actions and I won't judge you for them.
Even if you drink like a fish, I will respect you and your attitudes if you respect me and mine.
It doesn't make me less of a person because I don't drink like you do, nor am I trying to take the "high-ground" (whatever that means) by abstaining. You're not more mature than me because you drink wine with dinner and I'm not more mature than you for refusing to shotgun Naty Light at a party. At the end of the day, we're all human and we are all beautiful, imperfect creatures .
I hope you’re not discovering the world of drugs and alcohol. I don’t think you are. You’re probably more likely to inject yourself with some HGH and horse tranquilizers than you are to test the ganja, but I thought I’d advise you nonetheless. I’m always looking out for you.
Please know that I will love you no matter what you do in your life. You could be an alcohol-drinking, baby-seal clubbing, California-style driver and I would still love you. And, in the event that I don’t, I promise that I will always try.
Love you always,
-Big Boy
CHAPTER Six:
How to Take on the working world
Dear Squirrel,
I’ve heard that you need an internship for the summer and you’ve yet to find one. Smooth, bro. I like the “wait until all my options are gone and then convince Mom and Dad that it’s okay that I don’t have an internship and that I can just watch Netflix all day” plan. I’m sure it’ll go over great with them.
But, since misery loves company, I feel your pain. Job hunts suck. How do you possibly find something you might actually enjoy doing when you’re really just trying to keep our parents off your back about being unemployed? How do you avoid them calling you a lazy bum who avoids all forms of effort and plays antiquated video game systems all day? (Just because I still play Pokémon Fire Red doesn’t mean I’m trying to relive my childhood!) And once you finally find that job, how do you actually get it? All these firms out there assure you that they “respond to every applicant within two weeks” but they never do. Ubisoft and Bungie haven’t returned my email in [at the time of publishing it’s been 4] years and I’m pretty sure I won’t be hearing them for at least another two (hundred). Why is it so hard to find a job with the least amount of responsibility a la American Beauty , especially when all you want to do is make enough money to pay for at least two Chipotle burritos with guac every week?
Trust me when I say that I can empathize. I just had my first real business pitch a few months ago. It was a little strange for me because I’m fairly unaccustomed to the business world. While my arrogance and ego should be a perfect fit, I know more about Diagon Alley than Wall Street. As you can therefore imagine, it was the most nervous I’d been since the first time a girl had seen me naked. No, wait. That’s not true. The most nervous I’d been since eaten at Mellow Mushroom. (Their pizza does a real number on my bowels.)
I spent a whole week preparing a 15-page proposal. For someone who intentionally sets his own work hours, and therefore doesn’t work more than 5 hours a day, I grinded pretty hard. I was doing research and design analysis and writing and all sorts of stuff
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