sex once or twice, but this one time he really hurt me and I told him that I wouldn’t do it anymore.” I stop and look at James. I can’t read his face, he is just staring at me with those big blue eyes. He has a pained look on his face like he knows what I’m going to say. “That was the first night he hit me.” James sucks in a huge breath, but he never takes his eyes off me. “He hit me a few times after that night but he seemed sincerely sorry after the fact. When the beatings didn’t satisfy him, he turned to sex.” I could see James fist’s turning white as his anger grew.
“He raped you?” Tears spring to my eyes and I nod in shame. “How long did he do this to you before you told someone?”
“It happened over the next few years, but instead of being sorry he made other threats. I was too scared to leave him. It was only after a ball game that he brought two friends home with him and they had been drinking most of the day.” I stop and try to control my breathing “Dean told me I had to have sex with his friends because they were horny and that’s what good little girlfriends like me did. I told him no and that’s when he tried to pin me down and hit me a few times. I managed to get away and went to Scarlett, who then contacted the police.” I look up at James, who isn’t looking at me. Why isn’t he looking at me? Why do I feel the shame all over again? I thought this is what I needed to do to be with James.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone after the first time?” I looked at him but couldn’t find my voice to answer him. “Why?” This t ime there is anger in his voice. James had hate in his eyes, but I don’t know if that hate was for me or Dean. I looked back down to my now clammy hands.
“He threatened to kill me, Scarlett and Jake. I couldn’t take that risk with them; he told me he knew people that could hurt my family. James , Dean’s father is a very well know in the public eye. There were rumours that he had done things in the past to get what he wants. The attacks were random, mainly after he has been drinking. Sometimes he was gentle with me, but I felt that I still couldn’t stop him.” James still wouldn’t look at me. “James look at me, please?” I take his hand, James’s eyes soften and he looks at me. “That is why I freaked out when you kissed me the other night. The girl from Rossi’s is Dean’s new girlfriend, and when you were kissing me I heard her voice and Dean flashed in my head.” I closed my eyes and rub my temples, I open them to look at James “I understand if you want to leave, just please don’t contact me once you walk out the door, it will be too hard for me.”
James isn’t looking at me again, it’s crushing my heart. My chest feels heavy and my stomach is knotting up to a painful point. I need him to look at me, but he doesn’t. I climb off my bed and head to my bathroom. James stands and I think he is going to follow. “I’m sorry Tally, for what he’s done to you. Fuck! I need to get my head around this.” He runs his hand through his hair.
Tears stroll down my face and I try to keep my heart from bursting through my chest. “Good bye , James. Thank you for everything.” I turn and walk into my bathroom. As soon as I close the door, I breathe out a big sigh and I feel like I have been holding my breath for hours. I sink to the floor and sob, the flood gates have opened and they show no signs of stopping. It feels like I have a ten ton elephant sitting on my chest.
There is a tap on my bathr oom door. “Please just go, Wilde. I told you, I understand.” I rip the towel off the rail and dry my face and praying that the water proof mascara actually works. He ignores me and pops his head around the door.
“Are you ok ay?” He asks and I frown.
“Do I look ok ay? I just told a guy who I really want to sleep with for the first time in years, that my previous boyfriend raped me. This guy can’t even look at me, let alone
“He raped you?” Tears spring to my eyes and I nod in shame. “How long did he do this to you before you told someone?”
“It happened over the next few years, but instead of being sorry he made other threats. I was too scared to leave him. It was only after a ball game that he brought two friends home with him and they had been drinking most of the day.” I stop and try to control my breathing “Dean told me I had to have sex with his friends because they were horny and that’s what good little girlfriends like me did. I told him no and that’s when he tried to pin me down and hit me a few times. I managed to get away and went to Scarlett, who then contacted the police.” I look up at James, who isn’t looking at me. Why isn’t he looking at me? Why do I feel the shame all over again? I thought this is what I needed to do to be with James.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone after the first time?” I looked at him but couldn’t find my voice to answer him. “Why?” This t ime there is anger in his voice. James had hate in his eyes, but I don’t know if that hate was for me or Dean. I looked back down to my now clammy hands.
“He threatened to kill me, Scarlett and Jake. I couldn’t take that risk with them; he told me he knew people that could hurt my family. James , Dean’s father is a very well know in the public eye. There were rumours that he had done things in the past to get what he wants. The attacks were random, mainly after he has been drinking. Sometimes he was gentle with me, but I felt that I still couldn’t stop him.” James still wouldn’t look at me. “James look at me, please?” I take his hand, James’s eyes soften and he looks at me. “That is why I freaked out when you kissed me the other night. The girl from Rossi’s is Dean’s new girlfriend, and when you were kissing me I heard her voice and Dean flashed in my head.” I closed my eyes and rub my temples, I open them to look at James “I understand if you want to leave, just please don’t contact me once you walk out the door, it will be too hard for me.”
James isn’t looking at me again, it’s crushing my heart. My chest feels heavy and my stomach is knotting up to a painful point. I need him to look at me, but he doesn’t. I climb off my bed and head to my bathroom. James stands and I think he is going to follow. “I’m sorry Tally, for what he’s done to you. Fuck! I need to get my head around this.” He runs his hand through his hair.
Tears stroll down my face and I try to keep my heart from bursting through my chest. “Good bye , James. Thank you for everything.” I turn and walk into my bathroom. As soon as I close the door, I breathe out a big sigh and I feel like I have been holding my breath for hours. I sink to the floor and sob, the flood gates have opened and they show no signs of stopping. It feels like I have a ten ton elephant sitting on my chest.
There is a tap on my bathr oom door. “Please just go, Wilde. I told you, I understand.” I rip the towel off the rail and dry my face and praying that the water proof mascara actually works. He ignores me and pops his head around the door.
“Are you ok ay?” He asks and I frown.
“Do I look ok ay? I just told a guy who I really want to sleep with for the first time in years, that my previous boyfriend raped me. This guy can’t even look at me, let alone
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