Read Online Les Dawson's Cissie and Ada by Terry Ravenscroft - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Terry Ravenscroft
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it.
CISSIE:
Yes. Thank you Ada, love.
ADA:
Disgusting, isn’t it.
CISSIE:
Positively scandalous.
THEY BOTH CARRY ON LOOKING AT THE STATUE, UTTERLY TRANSFIXED, IN AWE.
CISSIE:
I wonder who sculpted it?
ADA:
I don’t know, but he wasn’t short of clay.
CISSIE:
It could be Moore, I suppose.
ADA:
Oh not much more, surely.
CISSIE:
I meant Henry Moore, the sculptor! Or on second thoughts it could be Rodin. He did 'The Thinker' you know.
ADA:
Well that would give you something to think about, that's for sure.
CISSIE:
Honestly Ada, your mind! You’ve got a point though, because he’s certainly a big lad and no mistake.
ADA:
I thought he had three legs at first.
CISSIE:
I wonder what it’s called? (SHE NOTICES A PLAQUE AND LEANS FORWARD TO READ IT)
ADA:
Be careful Cissie, it could poke your eye out.
CISSIE:
(READS OFF THE PLAQUE) It’s called ‘Waiting’.
ADA:
Yes and he’d be waiting a hell of a long time if he was mine. Hey, can you keep a secret, Cissie?
CISSIE:
Well of course I can.
ADA:
That’s the first grown-up one I’ve ever seen.
CISSIE:
Oh come on Ada, you don’t expect me to believe that, surely. What about your Bert, you must have seen him undressed?
ADA:
Not once, Cissie. The whole time we’ve been married. No he’s always got undressed in the dark. He says it’s because when his mother was carrying him it was during the war and she was frightened by a searchlight operator.
CISSIE:
Well now that you’ve seen one, what do you think?
ADA:
I think I’m going to go back to the vicar who married us and ask for a rebate on my marriage licence.
THEY WALK ON.
****************
MAKING ECONOMIES
ADA'S KITCHEN. ADA IS DOING THE IRONING. THERE IS A TAP ON THE DOOR AND CISSIE COMES IN CARRYING A FRYING PAN.
CISSIE:
It's only me Ada, love.
ADA:
Oh it's you Cissie. I was just ironing my smalls.
CISSIE:
I was wondering if you could help me out, only they've turned my electric off while they're putting my new cooker in. It's Italian you know, to match my Dilusso fitted units. Rather apt when you come to think of it because Leonard and I are into Italian cuisine. Veal Napolitano, that sort of thing. I cook several at once and pop them in the freezer.
ADA:
Fancy.
CISSIE:
Last night we had a frozen risotto.
ADA:
Ours used to do that regular until Bert lagged the pipes. He made a lovely job of it with the stuffing from an old duvet and a pair of leg warmers.
CISSIE:
I didn't realise your Bert was into do-it-yourself?
ADA:
Well the council won't do anything will they. Won't lift a finger that lot. I'm fed up with complaining about that hole in our bedroom ceiling, it snowed last night and me and Bert woke up in a drift.
CISSIE:
Oh I wouldn't be putting up with that.
ADA:
It's scandalous, Cissie. Bert spent most of the morning digging out the jerry. Then he had to grit round the bed before I got out because you know what I'm like on snow, with my legs. So you're having a new cooker fitted? Electric is it?
CISSIE:
Yes, I've always sworn by electric. I've always found it more economical.
ADA:
Well it can't be dearer than gas because I just can't keep up with my gas bills. That oven of mine uses more gas than a Zeppelin. You want to see them dials going round on my meter, it looks like the tote on Derby Day. Do you know what my bill was for the last quarter? Seventy three pounds.
CISSIE:
Yes but then there are appliances on your gas bill aren't there.
ADA:
No, Bert got his truss off the National Health.
CISSIE:
You see it bumps up you're bill if you're paying for things like gas fires and such. And of course they do make a standing charge.
ADA:
They can make a cavalry charge if they like, I'm not paying it. I've used nothing like that much gas, I've cut right down. Me and Bert have even started bathing together to save on hot water.
CISSIE:
Oh I say, that's a bit risqué .
ADA:
It's damn risky. It's the
CISSIE:
Yes. Thank you Ada, love.
ADA:
Disgusting, isn’t it.
CISSIE:
Positively scandalous.
THEY BOTH CARRY ON LOOKING AT THE STATUE, UTTERLY TRANSFIXED, IN AWE.
CISSIE:
I wonder who sculpted it?
ADA:
I don’t know, but he wasn’t short of clay.
CISSIE:
It could be Moore, I suppose.
ADA:
Oh not much more, surely.
CISSIE:
I meant Henry Moore, the sculptor! Or on second thoughts it could be Rodin. He did 'The Thinker' you know.
ADA:
Well that would give you something to think about, that's for sure.
CISSIE:
Honestly Ada, your mind! You’ve got a point though, because he’s certainly a big lad and no mistake.
ADA:
I thought he had three legs at first.
CISSIE:
I wonder what it’s called? (SHE NOTICES A PLAQUE AND LEANS FORWARD TO READ IT)
ADA:
Be careful Cissie, it could poke your eye out.
CISSIE:
(READS OFF THE PLAQUE) It’s called ‘Waiting’.
ADA:
Yes and he’d be waiting a hell of a long time if he was mine. Hey, can you keep a secret, Cissie?
CISSIE:
Well of course I can.
ADA:
That’s the first grown-up one I’ve ever seen.
CISSIE:
Oh come on Ada, you don’t expect me to believe that, surely. What about your Bert, you must have seen him undressed?
ADA:
Not once, Cissie. The whole time we’ve been married. No he’s always got undressed in the dark. He says it’s because when his mother was carrying him it was during the war and she was frightened by a searchlight operator.
CISSIE:
Well now that you’ve seen one, what do you think?
ADA:
I think I’m going to go back to the vicar who married us and ask for a rebate on my marriage licence.
THEY WALK ON.
****************
MAKING ECONOMIES
ADA'S KITCHEN. ADA IS DOING THE IRONING. THERE IS A TAP ON THE DOOR AND CISSIE COMES IN CARRYING A FRYING PAN.
CISSIE:
It's only me Ada, love.
ADA:
Oh it's you Cissie. I was just ironing my smalls.
CISSIE:
I was wondering if you could help me out, only they've turned my electric off while they're putting my new cooker in. It's Italian you know, to match my Dilusso fitted units. Rather apt when you come to think of it because Leonard and I are into Italian cuisine. Veal Napolitano, that sort of thing. I cook several at once and pop them in the freezer.
ADA:
Fancy.
CISSIE:
Last night we had a frozen risotto.
ADA:
Ours used to do that regular until Bert lagged the pipes. He made a lovely job of it with the stuffing from an old duvet and a pair of leg warmers.
CISSIE:
I didn't realise your Bert was into do-it-yourself?
ADA:
Well the council won't do anything will they. Won't lift a finger that lot. I'm fed up with complaining about that hole in our bedroom ceiling, it snowed last night and me and Bert woke up in a drift.
CISSIE:
Oh I wouldn't be putting up with that.
ADA:
It's scandalous, Cissie. Bert spent most of the morning digging out the jerry. Then he had to grit round the bed before I got out because you know what I'm like on snow, with my legs. So you're having a new cooker fitted? Electric is it?
CISSIE:
Yes, I've always sworn by electric. I've always found it more economical.
ADA:
Well it can't be dearer than gas because I just can't keep up with my gas bills. That oven of mine uses more gas than a Zeppelin. You want to see them dials going round on my meter, it looks like the tote on Derby Day. Do you know what my bill was for the last quarter? Seventy three pounds.
CISSIE:
Yes but then there are appliances on your gas bill aren't there.
ADA:
No, Bert got his truss off the National Health.
CISSIE:
You see it bumps up you're bill if you're paying for things like gas fires and such. And of course they do make a standing charge.
ADA:
They can make a cavalry charge if they like, I'm not paying it. I've used nothing like that much gas, I've cut right down. Me and Bert have even started bathing together to save on hot water.
CISSIE:
Oh I say, that's a bit risqué .
ADA:
It's damn risky. It's the
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