the only thing he could tell me about what they eat was kreplak and kugel and kishka and kanushes. Is he putting me on or is this really food? Because it sounds like stuff I built a barn with when I was 14.
I do not think this is a very good idea. The only thing I know about Moses is him coming down from the mountain with the commandments and saying âThe good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still in.â Also, when I took the kid home with the pork chop, the Aunt kept looking at me like she wanted me to fall out a window. What the Hell is a shagits?
I miss you.
Charlie
P.S. And what are those round yellow things that float in soup? Stuke forgot.
----
----
Dear Goodlookinâ,
Three hints: (1) the round yellow things are called matzoh balls, (2) never ask for milk if thereâs meat on the table, and (3) donât talk about Moses. Iâll walk you through it when you come home.
Call me the minute you get in, even if itâs 3:00 in the morning. Iâm tired of looking at your picture in the newspapers and pretending youâre here.Iâll be in rehearsal until Fridayâthey asked me to replace Ethel Merman in Panama Hattie for two weeks over Christmas. (The bitch is going on vacation.) Otherwise, Iâm all yours.
I love you.
I miss you.
-H-
P.S. I checked with Rabbi Weiss at Temple Beth-El. A shagitz is a non-Jewish male. It also means âabomination.â Thanks, Rabbi.
----
I NTERVIEWER: Donald M. Weston. Ph.D.
S UBJECT: Joseph Charles Margolis
Q: What happened next?
A: He asked my Mom for more soup and another yellow meatball. She got a big kick out of that. Then she taught him how to say the blessing over the candles. He looked kind of funny in a yarmulke.
Q: Your buddyâs a good sport.
A: Aunt Carrie didnât think so. She kept gettinghim mixed up with Cookie Lavagetto. On purpose. So when she was giving him brisket, he asked her for a bacon cheeseburger instead. She had it coming.
Q: Did you tell him about Harlan?
A: After dinner he took me to the soda shop for an ice cream cone and when I dropped it he got me another one.
Q: Did you tell him about Harlan?
A: Uh. I sort of didnât. And he forgot to ask. We were blowing paper wrappers from straws at an old ladyâs ass.
Q: Joey?
A: Well, smokes. If I told you that I had to knock off your Cousin Ivy just to get your address, what would you do?
Q: Iâd probably kick your butt halfway to the Bronx.
A: See?
Q: But maybe I wouldnât.
A: Honest?
Q: Not if Iâd just bought you two ice cream cones when I didnât have to. Who hit her ass first?
A: I did. Can I go now?
----
Dear Joey,
Thanks for the phone call buddy. And also for coming clean about Harlan. Itâs too bad your Archive Lady doesnât work for the Germans. With a mouth that big we would know what they were planning before they did.
If I was you, I would not worry too much about getting shortchanged in the old man departmentbecause you got a terrific 2-for-1 deal with your mother. Itâs like not being able to field for shit but hitting 65 over the wallâsome guys canât have everything but what they got is Hall of Fame. Besides I never met anybody before who could make chocolate cake without any crums. Only level with me. Did your Aunt Carrie think I had flies or something? And how come she kept calling me Oy?
Harlan was my big brother. He was the best friend I ever had and the only one I ever loved until Hazel. When he got hit in the head from a pitch he hung on for 4 days before he died. Thatâs what kind of a kid he was.
You donât play games with things like that, Joey. Especially when it hurts peoples feelings. So from now on your going to have to be a Tough Guy on your own. Because I think this is the end of the line.
Charles Banks
3d Base
----
----
Dear Charlie,
Like youâve got room to talk Banks. What about Derringer and Medwick and that guy from St.
I do not think this is a very good idea. The only thing I know about Moses is him coming down from the mountain with the commandments and saying âThe good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still in.â Also, when I took the kid home with the pork chop, the Aunt kept looking at me like she wanted me to fall out a window. What the Hell is a shagits?
I miss you.
Charlie
P.S. And what are those round yellow things that float in soup? Stuke forgot.
----
----
Dear Goodlookinâ,
Three hints: (1) the round yellow things are called matzoh balls, (2) never ask for milk if thereâs meat on the table, and (3) donât talk about Moses. Iâll walk you through it when you come home.
Call me the minute you get in, even if itâs 3:00 in the morning. Iâm tired of looking at your picture in the newspapers and pretending youâre here.Iâll be in rehearsal until Fridayâthey asked me to replace Ethel Merman in Panama Hattie for two weeks over Christmas. (The bitch is going on vacation.) Otherwise, Iâm all yours.
I love you.
I miss you.
-H-
P.S. I checked with Rabbi Weiss at Temple Beth-El. A shagitz is a non-Jewish male. It also means âabomination.â Thanks, Rabbi.
----
I NTERVIEWER: Donald M. Weston. Ph.D.
S UBJECT: Joseph Charles Margolis
Q: What happened next?
A: He asked my Mom for more soup and another yellow meatball. She got a big kick out of that. Then she taught him how to say the blessing over the candles. He looked kind of funny in a yarmulke.
Q: Your buddyâs a good sport.
A: Aunt Carrie didnât think so. She kept gettinghim mixed up with Cookie Lavagetto. On purpose. So when she was giving him brisket, he asked her for a bacon cheeseburger instead. She had it coming.
Q: Did you tell him about Harlan?
A: After dinner he took me to the soda shop for an ice cream cone and when I dropped it he got me another one.
Q: Did you tell him about Harlan?
A: Uh. I sort of didnât. And he forgot to ask. We were blowing paper wrappers from straws at an old ladyâs ass.
Q: Joey?
A: Well, smokes. If I told you that I had to knock off your Cousin Ivy just to get your address, what would you do?
Q: Iâd probably kick your butt halfway to the Bronx.
A: See?
Q: But maybe I wouldnât.
A: Honest?
Q: Not if Iâd just bought you two ice cream cones when I didnât have to. Who hit her ass first?
A: I did. Can I go now?
----
Dear Joey,
Thanks for the phone call buddy. And also for coming clean about Harlan. Itâs too bad your Archive Lady doesnât work for the Germans. With a mouth that big we would know what they were planning before they did.
If I was you, I would not worry too much about getting shortchanged in the old man departmentbecause you got a terrific 2-for-1 deal with your mother. Itâs like not being able to field for shit but hitting 65 over the wallâsome guys canât have everything but what they got is Hall of Fame. Besides I never met anybody before who could make chocolate cake without any crums. Only level with me. Did your Aunt Carrie think I had flies or something? And how come she kept calling me Oy?
Harlan was my big brother. He was the best friend I ever had and the only one I ever loved until Hazel. When he got hit in the head from a pitch he hung on for 4 days before he died. Thatâs what kind of a kid he was.
You donât play games with things like that, Joey. Especially when it hurts peoples feelings. So from now on your going to have to be a Tough Guy on your own. Because I think this is the end of the line.
Charles Banks
3d Base
----
----
Dear Charlie,
Like youâve got room to talk Banks. What about Derringer and Medwick and that guy from St.
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