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was alive once more.
     
    And that was a miracle.
     

CICCIOLINA, MISS AMERICA AND ME
     
    All my life it seems as if I’ve been running from something; full-time employment, serious relationships, Little League... Once I even ran from a neighbor’s goose as it chased me around the yard and up onto the hood of their Chrysler Imperial. So, imagine my surprise, earlier this year, when I found myself running for a seat on the Equity Council, the governing body of Actor’s Equity.
     
    The “42 nd Street” tour I had recently finished was a mixed experience: we had a terrific show with a wonderful cast, yet my salary—as a principal—was one-third of what it had been in the chorus of the National Tour of “Cabaret”. The producers and presenting organizations (including Clear Channel, irrefutable proof of the existence of Satan) bore some responsibility, but Equity caved to almost all the demands they were presented with.
     
    I wanted to do everything in my power to see that this situation did not repeat itself. Getting involved in Union activities seemed like a good way to start. But, since leaving the show, I had gone into porn. Wouldn’t that complicate a campaign? Or would the membership of Actor’s Equity agree that they needed a representative who could not only kick some butt, but who could lick it as well?
     
    Where on Earth could I turn for advice on that ?
     
    Cicciolina.
     
    Hard-core porn star and Member of Italian Parliament for 15 years. I e-mailed her for advice:
 
    “… Would it be possible for you to jot down a few lines telling me how your porn stardom helped (or hurt) when you ran for Parliament? Your insight would be greatly appreciated.”
     
    I hit “send” and went back to work on my campaign.
     
    There were three available seats on the council and seven of us on the ballot. If I could make my case and reach enough people, I figured I had a good chance. To that end I prepared an e-mail blitz and set up a webpage detailing my position. Yes, the webpage had a picture on it. I, myself, have voted for Equity Council based solely on candidates’ photos. If there’s a cute guy on the Council, I helped put him there.
     
    But if, in addition to my mug, I could boast an endorsement from an international porn star-cum-politico, I’d be a cinch. When would I hear from Cicciolina?
     
    Several weeks before the election a meeting of the full council was convened and we candidates were given three minutes in which to read a statement. So, it’s come to this, I thought; I’m auditioning for actors.
     
    The room was packed and stuffy when I arrived. Ah, there across the room… an empty seat next to a raven-haired, statuesque beauty. From the way she studied her note pad it was clear she was a fellow candidate. She possessed a certain regal bearing, almost as if… as if there should be a crown on her head. Hold on now, there was a crown on her head at one time.
     
    It was Kate Shindle and she was one of our Sally Bowleses in “Cabaret”. But, more to the point, she was a former Miss America. No fair! That’s sure to sway some voters, I thought. (At least I wasn’t running against Vanessa Williams. She’d have had the Miss America thing and the porn thing and would have mopped the floor with me.)
     
    I plunked myself down next to Kate and we wished each other luck. Only in the theater would a Miss America and a gay porn star be on the same ballot.
     
    Before the meeting, one of the mucky-mucks from Equity approached me and said he had received an irate, anonymous e-mail saying it was shameful I was allowed to run. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I looked at your site. I enjoyed your, uh, writing .”
     
    Hmmm… the only reason I hadn’t been riding on Gus’s coattails was that I didn’t think it would be right to campaign with an unfair advantage. Was I letting a great marketing ploy slip through my fingers? I thought it best that I let my record speak for