Read Online L.A. Success by Hans C. Freelac - Free Book Online

but now we're back together so we can't do it anymore.” And she answers that she doesn't care, that you were great together and she had never felt as safe and alive as she had when she was in your arms and stuff. And then through the binoculars you see the perp whack someone over the head with a wrench, and so you get out of the car, pull out your gun and start running after the bad guy, guns a' blazin'. Maybe I'd bring Ballsack next time.
    Okay, things were getting weird because of the coffee. I was thinking a mile a minute, imagining all sorts of shit. I suddenly had the desire to write down every thought that came into my head, so I took the pen and my little stack of paper and started going crazy. I was lost in my own little world of caffed-up writing and didn't see anything going on around me. My pen was starting to make so much noise that when I finally looked up I noticed everyone was looking at me. Four or five ugly-looking dorks with laptops had joined me at the outdoor tables, and they all had huge cups of coffee. I was about to yell at them and tell them I'd make as much noise as I wanted when the skinniest dork—a bald guy wearing jeans and a USC sweatshirt—started talking.
    “Damn, the muse is with you today. I tried writing on paper for a while, but I couldn't stand the sight of my own handwriting. No matter what I wrote, it seemed like a bad idea. I would type my work up later, and it would need so much editing that I went back to typing directly.”
    Then I saw that all the other dorks were also looking at me in admiration. They weren't pissed off about the noise. They were impressed.
    “Well...I can't type very well. Plus, I got a thing with computers. You know—a naked-chick thing. Turns me into a drooling zombie for a while,” I said before I could stop myself. This caffeine was making my mouth go faster than my brain. One of the other dorks at his laptop nodded his head yes all serious.
    “Same thing used to happen to me,” he said. “I had to have the wireless feature disabled. You remember that Nick Cage film where he keeps telling the bad guys to put the stuffed bunny down? Well, I wrote that whole movie as fast as I could while signed into a live porn site. Half of the lines in that movie I meant to type in the sex-chat window. That was when I knew I had hit bottom and had to do something about it.”
    They all went back to typing. I looked at the pile of paper in front of me and saw that I had written about forty pages of god knows what. Several pages of it appeared to be drawings of me in super-hero costumes doing it with stick-figure chicks. I also noticed that it was now almost seven o'clock. If Gertie had come by here, I hadn't noticed. Damn, I had a new drinking problem.
    “You guys here every day?” I asked.
    “Whenever there's work to be done,” said the bald guy.
    “Well then, I'll see you again soon,” I said and gathered up my things.
     
    18
    I drove back home. All the west-bound lanes moved along perfectly. In the other direction, the people who had to drive home to the east side sat blocked in mile after mile of traffic jams. I almost felt sorry for them, except that if they weren't there suffering, I wouldn't have fully appreciated what a lucky guy I was to have a house out west. Someone's always gotta pay.
    As I entered Dennis' neighborhood, I saw my dad out walking the big poodle. I couldn't believe that he had decided to take him out all on his own.
    I pulled in and got out of the car. When my dad made it over, we went inside. I could tell that he had been sculpting again because there were wrappers from the blocks of chocolate lying around. Ballsack licked at them a little, so I guessed he was hungry, too. I picked all that up, gave the big poodle some food, and turned on the tube for dad. I ordered a couple of delivery pizzas and then sat down on the couch. My body was aching from the caffeine ride it had been through. I really needed some food and a good night's