Read Online Kramer vs. Kramer by Avery Corman - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Avery Corman
Ads: Link
guilty information about Charlie.
“You know, she talked about going out to work, and I said it would have cost too much. Now I end up paying for a housekeeper anyway and I don’t have the income she would have brought in if she stayed.”
“That’s pretty funny,” Charlie said. “You pay if you do, and you pay if you don’t,” and he laughed too hard at what was not as funny for anyone else in the room.
“Be quiet, Charlie!” Thelma shouted, and Ted realized that his own predicament had suddenly become a field for their battles. “Can’t you see the man is in pain?” she said, covering her own pain. She knows, Ted realized. They all knew Charlie was playing around.
“But why did she just leave? Didn’t you people communicate with each other?” Thelma said in a tone rebuking the men present.
“Not very much, I guess.”
“Well, I don’t mean to hurt you, Ted. So don’t take this wrong. But I think she’s kind of brave in a way.”
“Thelma, don’t be an asshole.”
“Shut your filthy mouth, Charlie! What I mean is, it took a kind of courage to do such an antisocial thing. And I respect her for it in a way.”
“Thelma, I don’t think she was brave at all. It’s not brave to me to just run away!” The rage he had been trying to contain was leaking out. “And that feminist bullshit! Joanna was no more a feminist than—Charlie is.”
“Leave me out of it, will you, Ted?”
“What the hell difference does it make why she left? She’s gone! It matters more to you, Thelma, than it does to me.”
“Really, Ted?”
“The goddamn ball game is over. You’re like the announcers who sit around the booth doing a wrap-up. So what if we would have communicated? The game is over. She’s gone!”
“And if she comes back, you’ll never know why she left.”
“She’s not coming back!”
He lunged for the note from Joanna which he had left on a table. Gossip, they wanted? They could see just how ugly it was. He thrust the note at Thelma. She read it quickly, uncomfortable with the scene this had become. Ted grabbed it from her and shoved it at Charlie.
“Nice, huh? Is that a heroine? She’s just a lousy quitter. And she’s gone, that’s all, gone.”
He took the note, crumpled it into a ball and kicked it into the foyer.
“Ted,” Thelma said, “it might be a good idea—even if Joanna didn’t want to—for you to see somebody. You could talk to my therapist.”
“What do I need a therapist for when I have my good friends?”
“Look, Ted, you don’t have to get nasty,” Charlie said. “You’re upset, I realize—”
“You’re right. And now I’d like to be alone. I thank you for the roast beef and the helpful talk.”
“There is nothing wrong with self-awareness, Ted,” Thelma said.
They said good night stiffly, Thelma and Ted exchanging kisses without touching. He did not want any more self-awareness than he already had or explanations for Joanna’s behavior beyond what he had. He did not want any more theorizing from his friends. Let them piece together their own marriages without examining his. He wanted only to get a housekeeper and have orderly days, a pattern, someone at home for Billy and the moment that was accomplished, Joanna would be dead.
M RS. COLBY ARRANGED FOR a Miss Evans to come for an interview. She was a tiny old woman who showed remarkable verve by talking nonstop about her dietary needs, Breakstone’s cottage cheese, not Friendship, Dannon yogurt, not Sealtest, salt-free bread from the health-food store, not these breads they put sugar in. When she asked for a tour of the house and first requested to see where the bathroom was—she didn’t have to go, she pointed out, she was just checking—even before she asked to look in on the sleeping Billy, Ted decided they were dietarily incompatible.
He located a Mrs. Roberts who had placed a situations wanted ad in the Times. She advertised, “Good cook. Good with children.” She arrived, an
“You know, she talked about going out to work, and I said it would have cost too much. Now I end up paying for a housekeeper anyway and I don’t have the income she would have brought in if she stayed.”
“That’s pretty funny,” Charlie said. “You pay if you do, and you pay if you don’t,” and he laughed too hard at what was not as funny for anyone else in the room.
“Be quiet, Charlie!” Thelma shouted, and Ted realized that his own predicament had suddenly become a field for their battles. “Can’t you see the man is in pain?” she said, covering her own pain. She knows, Ted realized. They all knew Charlie was playing around.
“But why did she just leave? Didn’t you people communicate with each other?” Thelma said in a tone rebuking the men present.
“Not very much, I guess.”
“Well, I don’t mean to hurt you, Ted. So don’t take this wrong. But I think she’s kind of brave in a way.”
“Thelma, don’t be an asshole.”
“Shut your filthy mouth, Charlie! What I mean is, it took a kind of courage to do such an antisocial thing. And I respect her for it in a way.”
“Thelma, I don’t think she was brave at all. It’s not brave to me to just run away!” The rage he had been trying to contain was leaking out. “And that feminist bullshit! Joanna was no more a feminist than—Charlie is.”
“Leave me out of it, will you, Ted?”
“What the hell difference does it make why she left? She’s gone! It matters more to you, Thelma, than it does to me.”
“Really, Ted?”
“The goddamn ball game is over. You’re like the announcers who sit around the booth doing a wrap-up. So what if we would have communicated? The game is over. She’s gone!”
“And if she comes back, you’ll never know why she left.”
“She’s not coming back!”
He lunged for the note from Joanna which he had left on a table. Gossip, they wanted? They could see just how ugly it was. He thrust the note at Thelma. She read it quickly, uncomfortable with the scene this had become. Ted grabbed it from her and shoved it at Charlie.
“Nice, huh? Is that a heroine? She’s just a lousy quitter. And she’s gone, that’s all, gone.”
He took the note, crumpled it into a ball and kicked it into the foyer.
“Ted,” Thelma said, “it might be a good idea—even if Joanna didn’t want to—for you to see somebody. You could talk to my therapist.”
“What do I need a therapist for when I have my good friends?”
“Look, Ted, you don’t have to get nasty,” Charlie said. “You’re upset, I realize—”
“You’re right. And now I’d like to be alone. I thank you for the roast beef and the helpful talk.”
“There is nothing wrong with self-awareness, Ted,” Thelma said.
They said good night stiffly, Thelma and Ted exchanging kisses without touching. He did not want any more self-awareness than he already had or explanations for Joanna’s behavior beyond what he had. He did not want any more theorizing from his friends. Let them piece together their own marriages without examining his. He wanted only to get a housekeeper and have orderly days, a pattern, someone at home for Billy and the moment that was accomplished, Joanna would be dead.
M RS. COLBY ARRANGED FOR a Miss Evans to come for an interview. She was a tiny old woman who showed remarkable verve by talking nonstop about her dietary needs, Breakstone’s cottage cheese, not Friendship, Dannon yogurt, not Sealtest, salt-free bread from the health-food store, not these breads they put sugar in. When she asked for a tour of the house and first requested to see where the bathroom was—she didn’t have to go, she pointed out, she was just checking—even before she asked to look in on the sleeping Billy, Ted decided they were dietarily incompatible.
He located a Mrs. Roberts who had placed a situations wanted ad in the Times. She advertised, “Good cook. Good with children.” She arrived, an
Similar Books
