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Authors: Jeff VanderMeer
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eat.
We also have a promise of the most amazing feast of food in the afterlife (or as some call it: The World to Come, Ha’Olam Habah). At this time G-d will provide a banquet consisting of Leviathan, Behemoth, and Ziz: three creatures created just for this purpose (or so we are told). Leviathan is the king over all sea animals, Behemoth over the land, and Ziz over the sky. So we have meat, seafood, and fowl to look forward to, not to mention all kinds of vegetables. . .but I am getting ahead of myself.
Who else but Jews would have a T-shirt that says: “ Cholent — It keeps you going and going and going.” (If you don’t know what cholent is, look it up, kiddies!)
So, with all of that tradition, why not a kosher guide for imaginary animals? Who knows? You might get caught up in some kind of weird fantasy world where you are faced with mothmen and unicorns.
And you will need to know.
Abumi-Guchi
Taken from Japanese folklore, the abumi-guchi is a type of tsukumogami or “animated object.” Specifically, the abumi-guchi is a furry creature formed from the stirrup of a mounted military commander, typically a fallen soldier. The old stirrup forms its mouth and the rope from the saddle forms its limbs. For all eternity this creature waits patiently for the fallen soldier from whence it sprang. Alas, the soldier never returns. There is nothing written about what the abumi-guchi does to pass the time or what it thinks about as it waits. As the abumi-guchi cannot write, there are no existing memoirs. Presumably, though, its thoughts are stirrupy and leather-tough.
Ann [with look of disbelief]: “From a stirrup?”
Evil Monkey: “Stranger things have happened.”
Ann: “Not much stranger!”
Evil Monkey: “It is defiantly ugly, that’s for sure.”
Ann: “Do they chew their prey?”
Evil Monkey: “I think so.”
Ann: “Then no. Besides, the provenance is suspect.”
Evil Monkey: “A lot of things are suspect.”
Ann: “That doesn’t mean you eat them.”
Aigi Kampos
The name of the aigi kampos comes from the Greek and literally means fish goat. The “sea-goat” is a version of the hippocamp (the fish-tailed horse) but has a plainer heritage than the hippocamp. The god Poseidon rode a chariot pulled by four hippocamps, not four sea-goats. Still, amongst all of the fish-tailed creatures — the fish-tailed lion, bull, leopard, and horse — only the aigi kampos received its own constellation and astrological sign (Capricorn). Although rarely seen, the aigi kampos is generally understood to live in the Indian Ocean. After liberal applications of palm wine, pirates in speedboats have often reported seeing the aigi kampos.
Evil Monkey: “Can you get cheese from this thing?”
Ann: “Would you want to?”
Evil Monkey: “Heck yes! Cheese is good no matter what the source.”
Ann: “I don’t think that’s true.”
Evil Monkey: “But is it kosher?”
Ann: “It’s a kind of hippocamp, which generally aren’t kosher — the fish-tailed part is good, the horse-part, not so much.”
Evil Monkey: “But in this case the horse has been replaced with bull!”
Ann: “That’s true, so, yes, that would be kosher, because it has cloven hoofs, chews its cud, and has fins and scales.”
Evil Monkey: “Well, then, answer me this — why is it that the reasons it’s kosher have to do with the gross icky bits you wouldn’t ever eat?”
Ann: “Why don’t you ask G-d and see how that works out for you?”
Aitvaras
Of Lithuanian origin, the aitvaras resembles a rooster, either black or white, with a long fiery-looking tail. Beware the aitvaras, for it is a tricky beast. Once it joins your household, it will bring both good and bad luck. Although it looks like a rooster when inside your house, it becomes a dragon outside your house. Once it finds a place to live, it never leaves; indeed, while you find it personable when inside your house, you may find it unreasonable outside. You may even find
We also have a promise of the most amazing feast of food in the afterlife (or as some call it: The World to Come, Ha’Olam Habah). At this time G-d will provide a banquet consisting of Leviathan, Behemoth, and Ziz: three creatures created just for this purpose (or so we are told). Leviathan is the king over all sea animals, Behemoth over the land, and Ziz over the sky. So we have meat, seafood, and fowl to look forward to, not to mention all kinds of vegetables. . .but I am getting ahead of myself.
Who else but Jews would have a T-shirt that says: “ Cholent — It keeps you going and going and going.” (If you don’t know what cholent is, look it up, kiddies!)
So, with all of that tradition, why not a kosher guide for imaginary animals? Who knows? You might get caught up in some kind of weird fantasy world where you are faced with mothmen and unicorns.
And you will need to know.
Abumi-Guchi
Taken from Japanese folklore, the abumi-guchi is a type of tsukumogami or “animated object.” Specifically, the abumi-guchi is a furry creature formed from the stirrup of a mounted military commander, typically a fallen soldier. The old stirrup forms its mouth and the rope from the saddle forms its limbs. For all eternity this creature waits patiently for the fallen soldier from whence it sprang. Alas, the soldier never returns. There is nothing written about what the abumi-guchi does to pass the time or what it thinks about as it waits. As the abumi-guchi cannot write, there are no existing memoirs. Presumably, though, its thoughts are stirrupy and leather-tough.
Ann [with look of disbelief]: “From a stirrup?”
Evil Monkey: “Stranger things have happened.”
Ann: “Not much stranger!”
Evil Monkey: “It is defiantly ugly, that’s for sure.”
Ann: “Do they chew their prey?”
Evil Monkey: “I think so.”
Ann: “Then no. Besides, the provenance is suspect.”
Evil Monkey: “A lot of things are suspect.”
Ann: “That doesn’t mean you eat them.”
Aigi Kampos
The name of the aigi kampos comes from the Greek and literally means fish goat. The “sea-goat” is a version of the hippocamp (the fish-tailed horse) but has a plainer heritage than the hippocamp. The god Poseidon rode a chariot pulled by four hippocamps, not four sea-goats. Still, amongst all of the fish-tailed creatures — the fish-tailed lion, bull, leopard, and horse — only the aigi kampos received its own constellation and astrological sign (Capricorn). Although rarely seen, the aigi kampos is generally understood to live in the Indian Ocean. After liberal applications of palm wine, pirates in speedboats have often reported seeing the aigi kampos.
Evil Monkey: “Can you get cheese from this thing?”
Ann: “Would you want to?”
Evil Monkey: “Heck yes! Cheese is good no matter what the source.”
Ann: “I don’t think that’s true.”
Evil Monkey: “But is it kosher?”
Ann: “It’s a kind of hippocamp, which generally aren’t kosher — the fish-tailed part is good, the horse-part, not so much.”
Evil Monkey: “But in this case the horse has been replaced with bull!”
Ann: “That’s true, so, yes, that would be kosher, because it has cloven hoofs, chews its cud, and has fins and scales.”
Evil Monkey: “Well, then, answer me this — why is it that the reasons it’s kosher have to do with the gross icky bits you wouldn’t ever eat?”
Ann: “Why don’t you ask G-d and see how that works out for you?”
Aitvaras
Of Lithuanian origin, the aitvaras resembles a rooster, either black or white, with a long fiery-looking tail. Beware the aitvaras, for it is a tricky beast. Once it joins your household, it will bring both good and bad luck. Although it looks like a rooster when inside your house, it becomes a dragon outside your house. Once it finds a place to live, it never leaves; indeed, while you find it personable when inside your house, you may find it unreasonable outside. You may even find
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