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Authors: Gordon A. Kessler
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Rankle, Assistant District Attorney Edward Rankle. You do not ignore me!”
Oz swatted him in the face hard. “Yep — got ‘im! A dog-dick gnat.”
The ADA reeled back. “You stupid old Greek!” He held his face with one hand and reached under his coat with the other.
“Ah, ah, ah-ah!” came the thin voice from the shadow at the end of the bar, accompanied by the sound of hard steel hammering the counter top.
It was See-Saw, and Oz’s “cannon,” the big Taurus Raging Bull handgun, lay in front of him. But how could he have known the man was reaching under his coat? He was obviously completely blind. Smokey had seen the scarred eyes under his sun glasses.
Rankle held a small pistol in his hand, still halfway under his blazer. “Do you realize what you’re doing?”
“I realize,” Oz finally answered him, “A man comes into my bar and greets me with the respect I deserve; I’ll welcome him with that same respect. Come in here like you’re going to bust some balls — excuse me, ladies — you’ll leave with your own balls in your hands.”
Rankle put his handgun back into place.
“Lt. Legend, arrest that man!” he said pointing at See-Saw.
Harper answered, “You mean that old man with the sunglasses and white cane who can barely walk? He’s totally blind. What do you want me to charge him with?”
“Well then, arrest this man,” he said and pointed at Oz. “For assault!”
Harper asked, “Do you realize what the arrest and booking sheet’s going to look like? You know how quickly things get out and twisted around: ‘ADA slapped with flyswatter, and orders female detective to arrest both the assailant and his blind sidekick.’ This is the type of story the media loves — it’ll get distorted in a minute and grow out of proportion. It’ll be Lampooned on YouTube and Saturday Night Live , and joked about on the Tonight Show and Letterman within a week.”
It was time to step in. “Everyone, please settle down,” Smokey said and stood from her seat. “Mr. Rankle, what is it you want with E Z?”
“That is not your business. It’s between the Federal government and Mr. Knight. I can tell you that if he’s breaking his terms of parole, I’m sending him back to prison. So where is he?”
Oz said, “You’re about as single-minded as a boy beagle shining Hush Puppies.”
See-Saw slapped the bar and let go a baritone chortle that didn’t come close to matching his thin voice or slight stature. It took the ladies a couple of seconds for the pun to sink in. All three suppressed their laughter.
Rankle didn’t get it. He seemed dumbfounded.
See-Saw explained, “The Hush Puppies Oz is talkin’ about don’t need shined, and it ain’t your shoes a male dog’s trying to polish when he’s humpin’ your leg.”
Jazzy Brass had waddled over to Rankle unnoticed and was squatting over his Mezlan wingtips, as if on cue. When the warm pee seemed to finally sink into his right shoe, he glanced down frowning at the golden retriever pup, his eyes wide.
Smokey reached down and swept up Jazzy, seeing she was about to get kicked. “Don’t you dare!”
“If E Z were here, he’d kick your ass!” Oz blurted. Then he held his mouth.
Smokey took the dish towel from Oz and threw it onto Rankle’s shoe.
The ADA took the rag, propped his foot on the top rung of the nearest barstool, and wiped it dry. “So you do know where Knight is. And he isn’t here? Where then?”
Oz shook his head. “I didn’t say that.”
Rankle insisted, “ Where is he? ”
Lt . Harper Lee Legend said, “Oz, Smokey, you’d better tell him. He can make it very difficult for you and the marina.”
Rankle added, “One call to the DA, and you’ll be on his short list. That’s the one listing businesses he’s going to nit-pick until he shuts them down.”
Oz raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah, District Attorney George Rice?” He smiled. “I ain’t seen him since our poker game Saturday — playing for
Oz swatted him in the face hard. “Yep — got ‘im! A dog-dick gnat.”
The ADA reeled back. “You stupid old Greek!” He held his face with one hand and reached under his coat with the other.
“Ah, ah, ah-ah!” came the thin voice from the shadow at the end of the bar, accompanied by the sound of hard steel hammering the counter top.
It was See-Saw, and Oz’s “cannon,” the big Taurus Raging Bull handgun, lay in front of him. But how could he have known the man was reaching under his coat? He was obviously completely blind. Smokey had seen the scarred eyes under his sun glasses.
Rankle held a small pistol in his hand, still halfway under his blazer. “Do you realize what you’re doing?”
“I realize,” Oz finally answered him, “A man comes into my bar and greets me with the respect I deserve; I’ll welcome him with that same respect. Come in here like you’re going to bust some balls — excuse me, ladies — you’ll leave with your own balls in your hands.”
Rankle put his handgun back into place.
“Lt. Legend, arrest that man!” he said pointing at See-Saw.
Harper answered, “You mean that old man with the sunglasses and white cane who can barely walk? He’s totally blind. What do you want me to charge him with?”
“Well then, arrest this man,” he said and pointed at Oz. “For assault!”
Harper asked, “Do you realize what the arrest and booking sheet’s going to look like? You know how quickly things get out and twisted around: ‘ADA slapped with flyswatter, and orders female detective to arrest both the assailant and his blind sidekick.’ This is the type of story the media loves — it’ll get distorted in a minute and grow out of proportion. It’ll be Lampooned on YouTube and Saturday Night Live , and joked about on the Tonight Show and Letterman within a week.”
It was time to step in. “Everyone, please settle down,” Smokey said and stood from her seat. “Mr. Rankle, what is it you want with E Z?”
“That is not your business. It’s between the Federal government and Mr. Knight. I can tell you that if he’s breaking his terms of parole, I’m sending him back to prison. So where is he?”
Oz said, “You’re about as single-minded as a boy beagle shining Hush Puppies.”
See-Saw slapped the bar and let go a baritone chortle that didn’t come close to matching his thin voice or slight stature. It took the ladies a couple of seconds for the pun to sink in. All three suppressed their laughter.
Rankle didn’t get it. He seemed dumbfounded.
See-Saw explained, “The Hush Puppies Oz is talkin’ about don’t need shined, and it ain’t your shoes a male dog’s trying to polish when he’s humpin’ your leg.”
Jazzy Brass had waddled over to Rankle unnoticed and was squatting over his Mezlan wingtips, as if on cue. When the warm pee seemed to finally sink into his right shoe, he glanced down frowning at the golden retriever pup, his eyes wide.
Smokey reached down and swept up Jazzy, seeing she was about to get kicked. “Don’t you dare!”
“If E Z were here, he’d kick your ass!” Oz blurted. Then he held his mouth.
Smokey took the dish towel from Oz and threw it onto Rankle’s shoe.
The ADA took the rag, propped his foot on the top rung of the nearest barstool, and wiped it dry. “So you do know where Knight is. And he isn’t here? Where then?”
Oz shook his head. “I didn’t say that.”
Rankle insisted, “ Where is he? ”
Lt . Harper Lee Legend said, “Oz, Smokey, you’d better tell him. He can make it very difficult for you and the marina.”
Rankle added, “One call to the DA, and you’ll be on his short list. That’s the one listing businesses he’s going to nit-pick until he shuts them down.”
Oz raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah, District Attorney George Rice?” He smiled. “I ain’t seen him since our poker game Saturday — playing for
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