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top seven lame excuses married couples have given me to explain why they no longer do fun, playful activities together. I have included my brilliant therapeutic responses.
    Lame Excuse #1: “We save fun activities for special occasions.”
    Dave Clarke: “Bad idea. There aren’t enough special occasions each year to keep a romantic, playful spark in your marriage. Do you have sex only on special occasions? To get quality, you always need quantity. You need one fun activity per week.”
    Lame Excuse #2: “We can’t afford to go out all the time. Money is tight.”
    Dave Clarke: “First, you can’t afford not to. Second, going out can be cheap. Get creative with your activities. There are many things you can do for next to nothing. In fact, the cheap dates are usually the best ones.”
    Lame Excuse #3: “We have small kids at home.”
    Dave Clarke: “That’s exactly why the two of you have to get out of there! Your kids are killing your romance and passion. That’s why God created babysitters.”
    Lame Excuse #4: “We don’t have any activities that we both enjoy.”
    Dave Clarke: “Yes, you do. You just haven’t found them yet. Also, it isn’t necessary for both to enjoy a particular activity. Being together and having fun interacting is what it’s all about.”
    Lame Excuse #5: “We’re too busy.”
    Dave Clarke: “You’re breaking my heart. Sandy and I had four small kids at home and we went out together regularly. You always make time for what’s important.”
    Lame Excuse #6: “We’re not doing too well as a couple right now, so this isn’t a good time to go out together.”
    Dave Clarke: “I know you’re not doing well. That’s why you’re in a shrink’s office. Because you’re not doing well, now is the perfect time to go out and create some fun. If you wait until you feel like it, it’ll never happen. Do the behaviors and the feelings will follow. Sure, you’ll have to force yourselves to do it. So what? Change can occur through new behaviors.”

Bedroom Blues
    You begin a relationship with a member of the opposite sex because you are physically attracted to that person. The physical chemistry between you two is thick. You are mesmerized by the beauty of your partner. You can’t keep your hands off each other.
    During dating and for the first few years of marriage, your physical relationship remains strong and vibrant. You’re like a couple of kids, laughing and playing with each other. You flirt. You tease. You talk about sex. You make out and enjoy intercourse often.
    But then, your infatuation runs out. The kids come. Your jobs make more and more demands on your time and energy. The fun, the spontaneity, and the playfulness are squeezed out of your marriage. You’re not joyful, exuberant lovers anymore.
    You’re Mom and Dad. You’re Mr. and Mrs. Job. You’re business partners. You’re roommates. You’re too busy. Too stressed. Way too serious. You’re too wrapped up in life’s hectic pace and responsibilities to have fun with each other. You’re still physically attracted to each other, and you still have sex, but your level of passion is greatly reduced.
    You don’t talk and joke about sex. Making out is a dim memory. The only time you kiss and play is during intercourse. This, in itself, is a huge mistake and a sign of decreasing passion. You don’t have intercourse as much as you used to, and when you do, it has all the passion and intensity of a business meeting. It’s quiet. Civilized. Routine. Boring.
    What happened to you? You’ve stopped playing with each other. Sex, at its heart, is play. If you’re not playful outside the bedroom, you can’t be playful inside the bedroom.

Reverse the Funectomy
    Do you want your passion back? Do you want your feelings of joy and excitement back? Do you want your great sex back? I know you do.
    What’s the answer? I’m going to tell you what I tell all the married couples I see in therapy: “Be honest with each other.