Read Online Kiss Me Like You Mean It by Dr. David Clarke - Free Book Online Page A

The way she shops drives me nuts! She takes way too long. Do I care about women’s shoes, women’s clothes, fabric, pillowcases, and the million other things she loves to buy?”
    So, I stopped going with Sandy on shopping trips. And it was a big mistake. I was focusing on the shopping and not on Sandy. I missed having these blocks of time with her. I missed having fun with her. I missed the funny little things she’d say and do while shopping. I missed goofing off, teasing, and playing around with her on these trips. I missed the opportunities for spontaneous, playful conversations with her. Plus, I stayed home with four kids and they drove me nuts! I’m ashamed to admit it took me years to realize what I was missing. What we were missing. It’s not just about the shopping! It’s also about being with my most favorite person in the world, and the fun we create together!
    So, I’m back to shopping with Sandy now. I don’t go with her every time she shops. I’m not the most terrific husband. But I do go fairly often. I still hate to shop, but I love Sandy, and I love being with her. We have fun. We play. We connect. We get closer.
    “I Don’t Want to Do What You Want to Do”
    Many couples make the same mistake Sandy and I made. After a few years of marriage, they stop engaging in activities they used to do together. If a spouse doesn’t enjoy a particular activity, he/she stops doing it. Hey, isn’t that the American way? If I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to do it.
    It used to be: “I don’t care what we do, as long as we are together.”
    Now, it’s: “I don’t want to go to the mall with you.”
    “I don’t want to watch the ballgame with you.”
“I don’t like going to the beach.”
“I don’t like your television shows.”
“I don’t want to walk around the neighborhood with you.”
“I loathe bowling.”
“I can’t stand golf.”
“I don’t want to rollerblade with you.”
    You can see the selfishness, can’t you? What happens is the two of you gradually pull apart. You lose opportunities for spontaneous, playful experiences together. You lead increasingly separate lives. You each do more activities on your own.
    The lack of fun time together spreads to other areas of the relationship. Even when you could be together, you stay apart. In the evening, you are very often doing different activities in different rooms. Communication goes down. Romance goes down. Sex goes down. You’re not having fun anymore.

Boring Each Other to Death
    When you go out together on a “date,” it’s not romantic. It’s not playful. It’s not a time of fun and laughter. You’re going through the motions. It’s a good idea to go out on dates, so that’s what you’re doing. It’s better than nothing, but not by much.
    “We had a nice time,” you say. A date is not supposed to be a “nice time.” You have a “nice time” with your mother, or your Aunt Bertha. A real date with your spouse ought to be fun, stimulating, romantic, and sensual. That’s why you got married!
    When you go out to eat, it’s not only about where you go and what you eat. It’s also about your conversation and the resulting romance, intimacy, and sex. When you go to a movie, it’s not only about the movie. It’s also about being together, talking about the movie, and discussing how the movie relates to your personal lives and relationship. When you go to a concert or a play, is it about the specific performance? You know the answer. No! It’s also about sharing the experience and developing conversations about what happens when you’re together.
    This is why I can go shopping with Sandy and have a great time. I enjoy what happens between us during the shopping trip. Even if you both enjoy the activity, the activity alone should never be the focus. The focus is the unpredictable fun, laughter, chemistry, intimacy, and sexual desire you create during the activity.

Stop with the Lame Excuses
    Here are the