walls; gray stone with a broken-bottle crust. Autumn had finally broken the awful summer heat, and yet everywhere she looked, she could see the color of flame. Smell the tinder, waiting for the spark.
Waiting to burn.
Magistrate Ichizo slid the door to her suite open, and she stared into the small, familiar room. Unmade bed, drawers upended, clothes strewn over the floor. She could see the congealed bloodstain on the wicker matting, reached up to touch the scab at her cheek, the memory of the knife strikes on her forearms, the blow to her face, fresh and real in her mind.
“You will forgive the state of things.” Ichizo’s tone was apologetic. “Another minister must have ordered your possessions searched. The past month has been … turbulent. I am sure it will not take long to put all back in order.”
“My thanks, my Lord.”
“You … do not remember me, do you?”
A shake of her head. “Forgive me, my Lord.”
“We met last spring festival.” A gentle smile in his voice. “The Seii Taishōgun’s banquet. We spoke about poetry. The strengths of Hamada over Noritoshi. I recall that evening fondly…”
She looked up at him then, still clutching his robe about her shoulders, and her face crumpled like candle wax in a burning fireplace. She threw her arms around him and sobbed, pressing herself into his chest to muffle her wails. The magistrate was taken aback, unsure whether to embrace her or push her away. He nodded to the bushimen flanking him, and they retreated to spare her further loss of face.
“Come now, my dear.” He patted her awkwardly on her shoulder. “You shame yourself.”
“It was so awful.” Hot tears soaked into scarlet silk. “The l-last thing I remember was the Kitsune girl h-hitting me. Then I woke in that cell and they were screaming at me, calling me a tr-traitor. My gods, there was no servant more loyal to Yoritomo-no-miya than I…”
“Hush now.” He tried to hug and push her away simultaneously, failing on both counts. “They will not hurt you again. You may not leave these rooms unattended, but you will suffer no more ill-treatment. Upon my honor, I vow it.”
“Thank you, Lord Ichizo. Bless you.”
She stood on tiptoes and kissed him, soft as summer showers down his cheek, until at last she reached his lips. And there she pressed herself, just a little longer, pushing her body against his. He broke away with a nervous smile, extricating himself and straightening his kimono.
“Very good, very good.” A small cough. “Duty well served.”
She was ushered inside, tear-soaked, pawing her eyes with her sleeve. Ichizo bowed and backed out of the room, shutting and locking the door behind him, his cheeks a subtle shade of rose. She stood amidst the flotsam and jetsam and continued sobbing, just loud enough to be heard through the walls. As their footsteps faded across the polished boards, she counted one hundred heartbeats, weeping still. And finally, she dropped her hands away from her face and the tears stopped as if someone had choked them.
She stared into the warm void on the back of her eyelids, listening to the emptiness inside her head. Still and mute in the free air. Finally, she moved, stalking toward the washroom, toward clean water and sweet-smelling soap, intent on scrubbing the prison from her skin.
She glanced at the looking glass as she passed by, caught a glimpse of her reflection. For a terrifying moment, she was seized by the unshakeable sensation that a stranger stared back at her. Oh, the long dark hair, the slender body, the plump, pouting lips were all hers. But the face belonged to someone else entirely; a girl she didn’t know, and didn’t care to. A weakling whose skin she wore.
She stripped the rags and robe from her shoulders, stared at her body in the mirror. The stain of false tears on skin she had pinched until it was red and swollen. The knife wounds she had carved into her own arms. The cheek she had slammed against the corner
Waiting to burn.
Magistrate Ichizo slid the door to her suite open, and she stared into the small, familiar room. Unmade bed, drawers upended, clothes strewn over the floor. She could see the congealed bloodstain on the wicker matting, reached up to touch the scab at her cheek, the memory of the knife strikes on her forearms, the blow to her face, fresh and real in her mind.
“You will forgive the state of things.” Ichizo’s tone was apologetic. “Another minister must have ordered your possessions searched. The past month has been … turbulent. I am sure it will not take long to put all back in order.”
“My thanks, my Lord.”
“You … do not remember me, do you?”
A shake of her head. “Forgive me, my Lord.”
“We met last spring festival.” A gentle smile in his voice. “The Seii Taishōgun’s banquet. We spoke about poetry. The strengths of Hamada over Noritoshi. I recall that evening fondly…”
She looked up at him then, still clutching his robe about her shoulders, and her face crumpled like candle wax in a burning fireplace. She threw her arms around him and sobbed, pressing herself into his chest to muffle her wails. The magistrate was taken aback, unsure whether to embrace her or push her away. He nodded to the bushimen flanking him, and they retreated to spare her further loss of face.
“Come now, my dear.” He patted her awkwardly on her shoulder. “You shame yourself.”
“It was so awful.” Hot tears soaked into scarlet silk. “The l-last thing I remember was the Kitsune girl h-hitting me. Then I woke in that cell and they were screaming at me, calling me a tr-traitor. My gods, there was no servant more loyal to Yoritomo-no-miya than I…”
“Hush now.” He tried to hug and push her away simultaneously, failing on both counts. “They will not hurt you again. You may not leave these rooms unattended, but you will suffer no more ill-treatment. Upon my honor, I vow it.”
“Thank you, Lord Ichizo. Bless you.”
She stood on tiptoes and kissed him, soft as summer showers down his cheek, until at last she reached his lips. And there she pressed herself, just a little longer, pushing her body against his. He broke away with a nervous smile, extricating himself and straightening his kimono.
“Very good, very good.” A small cough. “Duty well served.”
She was ushered inside, tear-soaked, pawing her eyes with her sleeve. Ichizo bowed and backed out of the room, shutting and locking the door behind him, his cheeks a subtle shade of rose. She stood amidst the flotsam and jetsam and continued sobbing, just loud enough to be heard through the walls. As their footsteps faded across the polished boards, she counted one hundred heartbeats, weeping still. And finally, she dropped her hands away from her face and the tears stopped as if someone had choked them.
She stared into the warm void on the back of her eyelids, listening to the emptiness inside her head. Still and mute in the free air. Finally, she moved, stalking toward the washroom, toward clean water and sweet-smelling soap, intent on scrubbing the prison from her skin.
She glanced at the looking glass as she passed by, caught a glimpse of her reflection. For a terrifying moment, she was seized by the unshakeable sensation that a stranger stared back at her. Oh, the long dark hair, the slender body, the plump, pouting lips were all hers. But the face belonged to someone else entirely; a girl she didn’t know, and didn’t care to. A weakling whose skin she wore.
She stripped the rags and robe from her shoulders, stared at her body in the mirror. The stain of false tears on skin she had pinched until it was red and swollen. The knife wounds she had carved into her own arms. The cheek she had slammed against the corner
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