don’t want to relax.”
“Then why did you practically sprint home after the movie?” Kieran managed a small smile despite himself.
Drew groaned quietly. “Because I’m a coward, maybe?” He lifted a shoulder apologetically.
“You’re not a coward,” Kieran tried to reassure him. “I think you were just… and I kinda hate this word because of how overused it is, but I think maybe you were confused.”
“Uh, not so much confused, I think. Just a little freaked out.” “Because…?” Kieran encouraged.
“Because….” Drew swallowed. “Because it felt so easy.” He looked at Kieran and clarified. “With you.”
“You mean…?”
“I don’t think anything through. I mean I never think anything through. So I didn’t have any expectations. If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t have taken off so quick, you know?”
Kieran frowned, turning on his stool slightly to face him better. “We had a good time, right?”
Drew nodded. “Sure.”
“Okay good, because me too. And I’m not talking about….” He gave a short, breathless little laugh, looking away briefly. “I mean, yyou know I’ve got this dumb crush on you. But, it was really cool to just hang out with someone, anyone that just likes the same dumb stuff I do, like movies or whatever.” He wet his lips, feeling kind of sick for admitting the following: “I-I don’t have many— any friends,” he said with a shrug, and let out a deep breath. “It fucking sucks and it’s pathetic, but you say you freaked out because it felt easy with me? Well, me too.” He shook his head. “God, I’m acting like a freak but I’m just trying to say that whatever you want is cool. Friends or… the other. But if you want neither then say so, so I don’t make an idiot of myself. I’ve done that before.”
Drew frowned at him. “What do you mean?”
“Just… just mistaking politeness for friendship, that sort of thing.”
“Why the fuck do you have such low self-esteem? It’s frightening.”
Kieran looked at him uncomfortably for a second, then said, “Because I’m the weird kid. I’m the kid that gets bullied and called a freak! I’m the kid that wears weird shit and says stupid things and is obviously gay and eats his lunch with the fucking janitor .” With each sentence, his voice rose until he was uncomfortably loud in the small room. “ That’s what happened! Alright?” He stood, snatched up a cardboard box, and stomped a few paces away.
“ Whoa .” Drew stood and followed after him. “You don’t have to get all defensive and shit. I came to… to….”
“What?” Kieran turned, letting his hand go limp and the box drop to the floor.
“I’ve… what? I’ve embarrassed you now? I don’t even know why. I thought we’d just talk about what happened or some shit, but you just blew up out of nowhere.”
Kieran flushed red. He’d wanted to act casual and cool the next time he saw Drew. He wanted to be the one all put together, reassuring Drew that everything was fine. But here he was, an insecure freak. “You-you started talking to me out of nowhere, then you asked me to hang out and then you fucking….” He gestured helplessly with his hand. “With my hand. So maybe someone else would have taken that as nothing, but that sort of thing never happens to me. And now I’m just acting like a massive freak and you’re never going to talk to me again and—”
Drew abruptly shut him up with an impulse he’d been fighting since the conversation with Toby, when Kieran smiled at him. He kissed him.
D
REWtook him by each arm, his fingers digging into Kieran’s slim biceps, and pulled him into a rushed, unromantic, and hard kiss. He frowned into it, exhilarated and terrified by what he was doing as their lips pressed too hard. Kieran, after an initial quick intake of breath, held still and exhaled heavily when Drew broke the kiss, still holding him.
“Ow,” Kieran whispered.
“Shit,” he laughed quietly, nervously.
“Then why did you practically sprint home after the movie?” Kieran managed a small smile despite himself.
Drew groaned quietly. “Because I’m a coward, maybe?” He lifted a shoulder apologetically.
“You’re not a coward,” Kieran tried to reassure him. “I think you were just… and I kinda hate this word because of how overused it is, but I think maybe you were confused.”
“Uh, not so much confused, I think. Just a little freaked out.” “Because…?” Kieran encouraged.
“Because….” Drew swallowed. “Because it felt so easy.” He looked at Kieran and clarified. “With you.”
“You mean…?”
“I don’t think anything through. I mean I never think anything through. So I didn’t have any expectations. If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t have taken off so quick, you know?”
Kieran frowned, turning on his stool slightly to face him better. “We had a good time, right?”
Drew nodded. “Sure.”
“Okay good, because me too. And I’m not talking about….” He gave a short, breathless little laugh, looking away briefly. “I mean, yyou know I’ve got this dumb crush on you. But, it was really cool to just hang out with someone, anyone that just likes the same dumb stuff I do, like movies or whatever.” He wet his lips, feeling kind of sick for admitting the following: “I-I don’t have many— any friends,” he said with a shrug, and let out a deep breath. “It fucking sucks and it’s pathetic, but you say you freaked out because it felt easy with me? Well, me too.” He shook his head. “God, I’m acting like a freak but I’m just trying to say that whatever you want is cool. Friends or… the other. But if you want neither then say so, so I don’t make an idiot of myself. I’ve done that before.”
Drew frowned at him. “What do you mean?”
“Just… just mistaking politeness for friendship, that sort of thing.”
“Why the fuck do you have such low self-esteem? It’s frightening.”
Kieran looked at him uncomfortably for a second, then said, “Because I’m the weird kid. I’m the kid that gets bullied and called a freak! I’m the kid that wears weird shit and says stupid things and is obviously gay and eats his lunch with the fucking janitor .” With each sentence, his voice rose until he was uncomfortably loud in the small room. “ That’s what happened! Alright?” He stood, snatched up a cardboard box, and stomped a few paces away.
“ Whoa .” Drew stood and followed after him. “You don’t have to get all defensive and shit. I came to… to….”
“What?” Kieran turned, letting his hand go limp and the box drop to the floor.
“I’ve… what? I’ve embarrassed you now? I don’t even know why. I thought we’d just talk about what happened or some shit, but you just blew up out of nowhere.”
Kieran flushed red. He’d wanted to act casual and cool the next time he saw Drew. He wanted to be the one all put together, reassuring Drew that everything was fine. But here he was, an insecure freak. “You-you started talking to me out of nowhere, then you asked me to hang out and then you fucking….” He gestured helplessly with his hand. “With my hand. So maybe someone else would have taken that as nothing, but that sort of thing never happens to me. And now I’m just acting like a massive freak and you’re never going to talk to me again and—”
Drew abruptly shut him up with an impulse he’d been fighting since the conversation with Toby, when Kieran smiled at him. He kissed him.
D
REWtook him by each arm, his fingers digging into Kieran’s slim biceps, and pulled him into a rushed, unromantic, and hard kiss. He frowned into it, exhilarated and terrified by what he was doing as their lips pressed too hard. Kieran, after an initial quick intake of breath, held still and exhaled heavily when Drew broke the kiss, still holding him.
“Ow,” Kieran whispered.
“Shit,” he laughed quietly, nervously.
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