slamming in and out of me is the only thing keeping me conscious in this moment, so I focus on that. My mind doesn’t register whether I’m actually enjoying this or not—it can’t do anything other than maintaining consciousness. I stare back into his eyes in the mirror until they finally narrow in frustration. Tench wraps his hand around the sash once more and pulls tighter so that it now constricts me into a feeling that I can’t stop. The ballet barre becomes loose under my palms and I give in to the darkness as I fail to draw another breath.
My heavy eyelids lift slowly. I’m on my side on the wooden floor of the ballet room in the recovery position. Tench and the red sash flash before my eyes like a snapshot as I register where I am. I push up from the floor and look around the dark room. Tench is nowhere to be seen, and neither is the red silk sash. I put my hand to my neck and look at myself in the mirror. There’s not a single mark on my neck. Tench knew what he was doing. This is all part of his game. I don’t know what to feel now. Unlike last time I was left on the hard wooden floor by Tench, I don’t feel sadness. I don’t even feel disgusted with myself. My next movements are crucial in this game of control. He’s not taking anything from me that I’m not willing to give. I pull at the remnants of the black leotard around my body, throw it across the floor, and leave the room without so much as a glance behind me. I casually stroll naked along the open hallway towards my own bedroom at the end. I open the door to find my small Louis Vuitton suitcase on the bed with a note on top of it. Does he want me gone? Have I gone too far with Tench? Does he know who I really am? I cautiously approach the note and pick it up.
We leave for Russia tonight at 22:10. Your bag has been packed. You won’t need anything else. Dress warm. I love you , Miranda.
I screw my nose up at the last four words. What he feels for me isn’t love; it’s fucked up. I fling my bag open and see that my clothes have been prepacked. I’m not surprised. Control freak. I need some more gadgets from Liz to take with me on the plane undetected. “Liz. If you’re listening, meet at the Opera House in twenty minutes. Take my car and park it there,” I say into the air, hoping Liz can hear me through the bugs I planted within the room. I pull on a grey long, tight dress made of T-shirt material and tie a denim jacket around my waist. I slide my feet into my favourite Cons and head downstairs to find Tench. “You need to sort him out, Dima.” I hear Tench talking. The second I recognise the name Dima and slow my descent. “We don’t need any of this shit to get out, so you have him sorted out before I get in on Thursday. I don’t care if he’s your brother; between him and Luka, they’re asking for trouble.” Jackpot! I want to squeal. Tench has just mentioned three out of the four top suspects in the agency’s sights. He’s finally letting his guard down. It’s worked! I need to get to Liz now. I bound down the stairs as if my day couldn’t be better and stop at the top of the foyer, in front of Tench. I look up at him and patiently wait for his phone call to end, which takes all of ten seconds. “See you Thursday.” He shoves his phone in his pocket before the other person can reply. “Where are you off to? We have a plane to catch in two hours.” I smile sweetly, disguising the true reason for my happiness as usual. “Exactly. So I just want to pick my car up from the Opera House where I left it and bring it back here. Can Toni drop me off, please?” Tench’s whole face softens and he lets out a breath. “Of course. You seem happy.” He runs his hand across my face, wraps it around the back of my head and pulls me toward him. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” I bite on the inside of my cheeks and force out another smile. His soft lips press up against my forehead and he trails kisses