Read Online Keep Holding On by Susane Colasanti - Free Book Online Page A

“Just that Julian asked me out.”
    “He asked you
out
?!”
    I nod.
    “When?”
    “He called me last night.”
    “Why didn’t you tell me?”
    “I tried. Your phone was off and you weren’t online.”
    “Dude. He is so in love with you.”
    “Hardly.”
    “What did you say?”
    “What do you think?”
    “That you realize Matt is a skeeze and of course you’ll go out with Julian?”
    “First off, Matt is not a skeeze. It just takes him a while to open up to people. And I couldn’t go out with Julian even if I wasn’t with Matt.”
    “Why not?”
    I give Sherae a look like,
Isn’t it obvious?
    “Why
not
?” she demands.
    “I’m not … enough for him.”
    “How can you think that? He totally likes you. I told you that fight with Warner was about you.”
    “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m with Matt.”
    “But you have a choice. You don’t have to be with Matt. You could be with Julian.”
    “Maybe I want to be with Matt. Maybe that’s why I’m with him.”
    “Or maybe you’re afraid to have something real with a boy who clearly adores you.”
    “Matt adores me.”
    “Really? Because last time I checked, he stood you up. Oh, and he refuses to be seen with you in public.”
    Why does Sherae have to be so nasty about this? Just because Matt isn’t acting the way she wants him to doesn’t make him unworthy. I know he cares about me. He just needs more time, is all.
    Not that I’m about to explain all this to Sherae again. It’s better just to drop it. I cannot get in a fight with her about this. Or about anything. She’s the only person I can completely count on to be there for me.

    Hooking up with Matt is hotter than ever. I wish we could stay out here at our place forever. I love how it’s like we’re hidden from the rest of the world. I love how nice it is out. And I love how Matt is making me feel. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good.
    Matt kisses me with fierce intensity. I kiss him back even harder.
    We
so
need to get a room.
    It’s hard to believe that having sex with an actual boy is a possibility for me. My relationship with Matt is nothing like what I wish I had with Julian. It’s not like Matt’s about to come over afterschool for fresh-baked cookies. We’d probably just end up doing it in the back of his car or something. Matt totally wants to do it. So do I. I think. I mean, my hormones definitely want to. But something is holding me back. We haven’t even been together that long. I just don’t want to rush into anything before I absolutely know for sure that I’m ready.
    Not that deciding to wait makes me want to do it any less.

    I’m really nervous about seeing Julian in class. What do you say to the boy you rejected last night? Do you smile at him to see if he’s mad? Do you ignore him so he won’t be embarrassed? Do you pretend like nothing happened?
    Julian’s already at his desk when I get to Spanish. He doesn’t look at me. When class ends, he’s out the door before I even have my stuff together.
    I take my time walking to lit mag. It’s not like I’ll get in trouble for being late. If I wanted to, I could even go the long way down the hall where Julian’s locker is. Not that I’d see him. The way he raced out of class, he’s probably at lunch already.
    I go down his hall anyway.
    And there he is.
    Two of Julian’s friends are at his locker. I’ve had classes with them, but we’ve never talked or anything. Still, you can tell they’re not like all the standard obnoxious boys who go here. They might even like me if Julian and I were together. It could be this whole new world of friends.
    Julian’s laughing at something one of his friends said. His glasses frames are catching the light in that way that makes them glint electric blue. Right before he slams his locker, I see his messenger bag inside with the orange star on it. Everything about Julian Porter shines.

    Sherae declared the need for some serious mall time after school.