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what he was doing.
    â€œWhen I met Zaynab again,” he said, “for the first time ever I felt like some kind of stranger. Now I had a private life of my own about which she neither knew nor was supposed to know anything.”
    â€œSo you kept it from her, did you?”
    â€œYes. I was following direct orders.”
    â€œDid you really believe they had that much authority over you?”
    â€œAbsolutely! I certainly believed it. You can add to the equation the terror factor that had totally destroyed my spirit, and also my own profound sense of shame. I couldn’t manage to convince myself that honor meant anything any more. I had to act in a totally reckless manner, and that was no easy matter when you consider not only my moral make-up but also my spiritual integrity. I started meandering around in never-ending torment. What made it that much worse was that, as far as I was concerned, Zaynab was a changed person too. She seemed to be overwhelmed by a profound sense of grief; the way she kept behaving provided no clue as to how she was going to get out of it. That made me feel even more of a stranger to her.”
    â€œBut that was all to be expected, wasn’t it?” I commented. “Things would have improved eventually.”
    â€œBut I never caught even a glimpse of the Zaynab I had once known. She had always been so happy and lively; I thought nothing could ever dampen her spirit. But somethinghad. I tried offering her encouragement, but one day she stunned me by saying that I was the one who needed encouraging!”
    The week after Isma‘il had been released, something absolutely incredible had happened. They had left the college grounds and were walking together.
    â€œWhere are you going now?” she asked.
    â€œTo the Karnak Café for an hour or so, then I’ll go home.”
    â€œI’d like to walk alone with you for a while,” she said, almost as though she were talking to herself.
    He imagined that she had a secret she wanted to share with him. “Let’s go to the zoo, then,” he suggested.
    â€œI want it to be somewhere safe.”
    Hilmi Hamada solved the problem for them both by inviting them up to Qurunfula’s apartment (which was his as well). He left the two of them alone.
    â€œQurunfula will get the impression we’re up to something,” he said in a tone of innocent concern.
    â€œLet her say what she likes!” replied Zaynab disdainfully.
    He was not quite sure what to do. He took her hand in his, but she grabbed his and raised it to her neck. Their lips came together in a long kiss, and then she gave herself to him.
    â€œThe whole thing was a complete surprise,” he confided to me. “I was thrilled, of course, but at the same time I couldn’t help worrying. A number of unfocused questions formed a cluster inside my head. I almost asked her why she had decided to do it now, but didn’t.”
    For a moment we just looked at each other.
    â€œMaybe things had stirred her up?”
    â€œCould be.”
    â€œAfterwards I regretted what I’d done. I blamed myself for taking advantage of a moment of weakness when she herself was obviously in a state of collapse as well.”
    â€œDid it happen again?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œNeither of you thought of trying?”
    â€œNo. On the surface our ties remained strong, but something inside, in the very depths of our souls, had started to come apart.”
    â€œWhat a peculiar situation!”
    â€œIt felt like a lingering death. From my side, there are things that can explain it. But where she’s concerned, it’s a total mystery to me.”
    â€œI noticed a change in your relationship while we were at the Karnak Café, but I thought it was just something temporary that would blow over.”
    â€œI asked her what she had had to go through during her short time in prison, but she assured me it had all been short and trivial.