Please,” Catheryn said softly. “We could go together. Tom’s gone, but Travis, Allison, and Nate are still here. They need you. So do I.”
When our entrées arrived, Catheryn and I ate in silence. Catheryn finished her champagne; I stuck with water. We both had decaf following the meal, deciding to skip dessert.
Regretting the turn of our earlier conversation, I sat back in my chair, for the first time noticing a delicate piece of jewelry pinned to Catheryn’s blouse. I had given her the emerald pin after Tom’s birth. With the subsequent arrivals of Travis, Allison, and finally Nate, I had presented her with other emerald pieces. All were modest, but over the years the green stones had grown to become not only reminders of the joy we had shared at the birth of each of our children, but also as an affirmation of our family’s strength and love. “I see you have on Tom’s brooch,” I said cautiously. “Haven’t noticed you wearing that for a while.”
Catheryn raised a hand to touch the pin. “You gave me this at the hospital,” she said. “Remember what you said?”
“I told you I loved you,” I answered without hesitation. “That I would always love you.”
Catheryn smiled. “What else?”
I thought a moment. “I thanked you for giving me a son and making us a family.”
Catheryn took my hand. “Dan, we need to talk about Tommy. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Things haven’t been right between us, not between any of us, since his death. I know we’re all to blame for that, me included, but you …” She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “It’s time to let go, Dan.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mourning is natural. It’s part of the healing process. But you’ve never moved on. It’s destroying you, Dan. And it’s tearing apart our family.”
Still holding my hand, Catheryn searched my eyes. Though I could tell she was disheartened by what she saw, she continued nevertheless. “Dan, if you don’t let go of life’s sadnesses, you’re letting them do something worse to you than they’ve already done.”
“ You may be able to forget Tom by throwing yourself into your music, but it’s not that easy for me,” I shot back, regretting my words the instant they were out of my mouth.
Tears sprang to Catheryn’s eyes, but she held my gaze. “Tommy was my firstborn child,” she said quietly, fighting to control her voice. “He was a part of me, a part of us. I’ll never forget him.”
Hearing the heartbreak in her voice, I looked down, too ashamed for words.
“Dan, I think we should get counseling.”
“I told you, that subject is closed.”
“Please think about it,” Catheryn pleaded. “All I’m asking is that you consider it.”
Following dinner, Catheryn accompanied me out to the street in silence. Still not speaking when we reached the Dorothy Chandler parking garage, she slid in beside me on the front seat of the Suburban. As she did, she noticed two overnight bags in the back. “You going somewhere?” she asked icily.
I glanced at the luggage. “Not me, us. And not anymore,” I said regretfully, jamming the station wagon into gear and squealing the tires all the way up the ramps to the street above. “I had something planned for later,” I added as we wheeled onto Grand. “That idea’s obviously shot to hell.”
“What was it?”
“A romantic interlude.”
“Really?”
I nodded glumly. “Bad timing, huh?” I paused a moment, then continued. “Listen, Kate. I came here tonight to try to patch things up before you left. I’ve missed you so much these past weeks. Things aren’t the same without you.”
Catheryn regarded me for a long moment. “What sort of romantic interlude? X-rated motel, vibrating bed, Jacuzzi tub?”
“A lot better than that, I promise,” I said with a hopeful smile. “I
When our entrées arrived, Catheryn and I ate in silence. Catheryn finished her champagne; I stuck with water. We both had decaf following the meal, deciding to skip dessert.
Regretting the turn of our earlier conversation, I sat back in my chair, for the first time noticing a delicate piece of jewelry pinned to Catheryn’s blouse. I had given her the emerald pin after Tom’s birth. With the subsequent arrivals of Travis, Allison, and finally Nate, I had presented her with other emerald pieces. All were modest, but over the years the green stones had grown to become not only reminders of the joy we had shared at the birth of each of our children, but also as an affirmation of our family’s strength and love. “I see you have on Tom’s brooch,” I said cautiously. “Haven’t noticed you wearing that for a while.”
Catheryn raised a hand to touch the pin. “You gave me this at the hospital,” she said. “Remember what you said?”
“I told you I loved you,” I answered without hesitation. “That I would always love you.”
Catheryn smiled. “What else?”
I thought a moment. “I thanked you for giving me a son and making us a family.”
Catheryn took my hand. “Dan, we need to talk about Tommy. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Things haven’t been right between us, not between any of us, since his death. I know we’re all to blame for that, me included, but you …” She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “It’s time to let go, Dan.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mourning is natural. It’s part of the healing process. But you’ve never moved on. It’s destroying you, Dan. And it’s tearing apart our family.”
Still holding my hand, Catheryn searched my eyes. Though I could tell she was disheartened by what she saw, she continued nevertheless. “Dan, if you don’t let go of life’s sadnesses, you’re letting them do something worse to you than they’ve already done.”
“ You may be able to forget Tom by throwing yourself into your music, but it’s not that easy for me,” I shot back, regretting my words the instant they were out of my mouth.
Tears sprang to Catheryn’s eyes, but she held my gaze. “Tommy was my firstborn child,” she said quietly, fighting to control her voice. “He was a part of me, a part of us. I’ll never forget him.”
Hearing the heartbreak in her voice, I looked down, too ashamed for words.
“Dan, I think we should get counseling.”
“I told you, that subject is closed.”
“Please think about it,” Catheryn pleaded. “All I’m asking is that you consider it.”
Following dinner, Catheryn accompanied me out to the street in silence. Still not speaking when we reached the Dorothy Chandler parking garage, she slid in beside me on the front seat of the Suburban. As she did, she noticed two overnight bags in the back. “You going somewhere?” she asked icily.
I glanced at the luggage. “Not me, us. And not anymore,” I said regretfully, jamming the station wagon into gear and squealing the tires all the way up the ramps to the street above. “I had something planned for later,” I added as we wheeled onto Grand. “That idea’s obviously shot to hell.”
“What was it?”
“A romantic interlude.”
“Really?”
I nodded glumly. “Bad timing, huh?” I paused a moment, then continued. “Listen, Kate. I came here tonight to try to patch things up before you left. I’ve missed you so much these past weeks. Things aren’t the same without you.”
Catheryn regarded me for a long moment. “What sort of romantic interlude? X-rated motel, vibrating bed, Jacuzzi tub?”
“A lot better than that, I promise,” I said with a hopeful smile. “I
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