break-in. She hardly sees her friends anymore. At first I thought it was a just phase, but now I’m not so sure.”
My thoughts traveled back to an evening two summers previous when Catheryn had been attending a performance at the Music Center. Tom and Travis had gone out together on a double date, and I had unexpectedly been called back to the station on a case—leaving Allison and Nate at home alone for several hours. During that time two men had broken into our house. They’d demanded money, and in the course of the robbery Allison had been severely beaten. It could have been worse had it not been for the presence of my off-duty service revolver in the hall closet. The intruders hadn’t counted on a weapon being in the house, or the danger that it posed, even in the hands of a child. One of the men had fled. The other had bled to death with a .38-caliber-sized hole in his femoral artery.
“Look, Kate,” I said patiently. “First off, concerning the break-in, we both know that Allison is still bothered by what happened. That’s natural, but the bottom line is she had every right to plug that dirtbag, and she has nothing to feel sorry about. She’ll get over it. She’s a tough kid.”
“Dan, it’s not that simple,” said Catheryn. “I—”
“Second,” I went on, cutting her off, “when it comes to Trav, you’re always telling me that it’s impossible to live people’s lives for them. Does ‘Let Travis be himself’ sound familiar? Take some of your own advice. Travis is nearly a man. He’ll find his own way.”
“But—”
“Third,” I continued, “ all kids have nightmares. Nate’s tough, too. He’ll grow out of them. As for his fighting in school, at least he’s sticking up for himself. Now, I know you would be a lot happier if he’d kiss any mean ol’ bullies who—”
“What about his grades?”
“Grades aren’t everything. Hell, look at me. If I hadn’t been able to snag a football, I’d have never made it through high school, let alone USC.”
“Don’t give me your ‘Aw, shucks, country-boy routine,’” said Catheryn impatiently. “Some of those you deal with at work may buy it—at least the ones who haven’t met you—but we both know you have a mind like a steel trap. Let me put this another way. I know how you feel about our children. You love them more than anything.”
I nodded. “We have the finest kids any parent could wish for, and that’s the God’s truth.”
“And you’ve always wanted what’s best for them.”
I nodded again. “Absolutely.”
“When was the last time you looked at your children?”
“I saw them this morning.”
“I mean really looked. When was the last time you looked into their eyes and asked what they were thinking, what they were feeling?”
I didn’t respond.
“They think you’re some kind of hero, Dan. It’s almost painful to see how much they want to please you. They need something from you that I can’t give them. I’m not sure what, but whatever it is, you’re not giving it. They need you, and you haven’t been there for them. Not for a long time. Not since Tommy died.”
At the mention of Tom, my heart fell. “I have to work,” I said. “I can’t always be there holding their hands.”
“That’s not what I mean. You may be a cop, but you’re also a father, with responsibilities that far outweigh any commitments you’ve made to the LAPD. This wall you’ve built around yourself is hurting everyone. Especially your children.”
“Kate …”
“People usually deal with tragedy in one of two ways,” Catheryn pressed on. “Religion or humor. You’ve shied away from both. Maybe somebody could help.”
“Let’s drop this, Kate.”
“And talk about it tomorrow?” she said bitterly. “Dan, it wouldn’t hurt to see a counselor.”
“A shrink? That subject is closed.”
“Think about it.
My thoughts traveled back to an evening two summers previous when Catheryn had been attending a performance at the Music Center. Tom and Travis had gone out together on a double date, and I had unexpectedly been called back to the station on a case—leaving Allison and Nate at home alone for several hours. During that time two men had broken into our house. They’d demanded money, and in the course of the robbery Allison had been severely beaten. It could have been worse had it not been for the presence of my off-duty service revolver in the hall closet. The intruders hadn’t counted on a weapon being in the house, or the danger that it posed, even in the hands of a child. One of the men had fled. The other had bled to death with a .38-caliber-sized hole in his femoral artery.
“Look, Kate,” I said patiently. “First off, concerning the break-in, we both know that Allison is still bothered by what happened. That’s natural, but the bottom line is she had every right to plug that dirtbag, and she has nothing to feel sorry about. She’ll get over it. She’s a tough kid.”
“Dan, it’s not that simple,” said Catheryn. “I—”
“Second,” I went on, cutting her off, “when it comes to Trav, you’re always telling me that it’s impossible to live people’s lives for them. Does ‘Let Travis be himself’ sound familiar? Take some of your own advice. Travis is nearly a man. He’ll find his own way.”
“But—”
“Third,” I continued, “ all kids have nightmares. Nate’s tough, too. He’ll grow out of them. As for his fighting in school, at least he’s sticking up for himself. Now, I know you would be a lot happier if he’d kiss any mean ol’ bullies who—”
“What about his grades?”
“Grades aren’t everything. Hell, look at me. If I hadn’t been able to snag a football, I’d have never made it through high school, let alone USC.”
“Don’t give me your ‘Aw, shucks, country-boy routine,’” said Catheryn impatiently. “Some of those you deal with at work may buy it—at least the ones who haven’t met you—but we both know you have a mind like a steel trap. Let me put this another way. I know how you feel about our children. You love them more than anything.”
I nodded. “We have the finest kids any parent could wish for, and that’s the God’s truth.”
“And you’ve always wanted what’s best for them.”
I nodded again. “Absolutely.”
“When was the last time you looked at your children?”
“I saw them this morning.”
“I mean really looked. When was the last time you looked into their eyes and asked what they were thinking, what they were feeling?”
I didn’t respond.
“They think you’re some kind of hero, Dan. It’s almost painful to see how much they want to please you. They need something from you that I can’t give them. I’m not sure what, but whatever it is, you’re not giving it. They need you, and you haven’t been there for them. Not for a long time. Not since Tommy died.”
At the mention of Tom, my heart fell. “I have to work,” I said. “I can’t always be there holding their hands.”
“That’s not what I mean. You may be a cop, but you’re also a father, with responsibilities that far outweigh any commitments you’ve made to the LAPD. This wall you’ve built around yourself is hurting everyone. Especially your children.”
“Kate …”
“People usually deal with tragedy in one of two ways,” Catheryn pressed on. “Religion or humor. You’ve shied away from both. Maybe somebody could help.”
“Let’s drop this, Kate.”
“And talk about it tomorrow?” she said bitterly. “Dan, it wouldn’t hurt to see a counselor.”
“A shrink? That subject is closed.”
“Think about it.
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