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do things to you that you don’t want him to do. If you say no, it won’t mean anything to these men. They don’t care about you or your feelings. They only care about how you look and how you make them feel. I don’t want you to cut your hair to punish you. I think cutting your hair will give you more time. More time to be young. And maybe when you’re old enough things will be different. You’ll be able to have your hair long and not worry about it attracting the wrong attention. Do you understand?”

    “I think so. Is that why they keep my mom away from me? Do they keep her like property?”

    I didn’t know which one was her mother, and I hadn’t seen anyone come in and greet her like a parent.  

    “Yes, and they don’t treat their property well, you know this, right? Look how they treat you guys. But once you become an adult in their eyes, all bets are off. They can do anything they want,” I said quietly. A single tear leaked from her eye and trailed down her face. She wiped at it absently and chewed her bottom lip, looking from Nick to Pete. They both encouraged her with a nod.  

    “I don’t even want to think about that,” she said under her breath.  

    “We have to, that man that was in here earlier, Eagle. He’ll come back and if he sees a pretty girl, he’ll want to move you out of the kids’ area and in with the women. You have to cover yourself up. Wear oversized shirts, chop your hair off.”   She pulled the scissors out of my hand and looked to the boys.  

    “You can’t look like a woman, Felicity. No matter what. There can be nothing sexual about you, no curves, no pretty hair, no cute behavior. I can’t stress that enough.” I felt like the bad guy who drew back the curtain and ruined Christmas.  

    “I’ll help,” Pete said and led her away.  

    “If they’re like this, if they’re so bad, treat women like this, why are you with them? Why do you wear their patches all over you?” Nick asked angrily. I was a little shocked by the vehemence in his voice. It was the first time he had shown any kind of backbone.  

    “I’m as much a prisoner as everyone else here,” I said in return.  

    “Bullshit,” he stood up abruptly. “You came in with them. Before you were assigned here you were out there, doing what they do. You screwed up, that’s why they put you here. I heard Red talking about it. Don’t pretend you’re better than them. You wear their patches, you’re one of them.” He stomped away, following Pete and Felicity to the bathroom.

    I deserved that. I deserved every bit of it. I was a coward. The only way I stood up to these men was with a bit of back talk. Stupid words that didn’t mean anything. I might as well be a part of it. I stood back and let them do whatever they wanted to do, calling myself moral because in my head I opposed their actions.   When really I was a selfish coward.   I was only thinking about myself. I had been focused on my escape. Never thinking of the other people caught up in this mess.  

    I was always focused on my own situation, never once thinking about how I could end this mess. The women here were slaves, treated worse than dogs. The civilian men were kept around so they could work for the Clan. Slaves. The children were held to keep everyone in check.  

    I was no better than them. Just because I was a rebel in my head, morally opposing their actions, didn’t make me any less responsible for this mess. But what could I do?  

    It was me versus forty armed men. They would kill me if I tried to do anything to save these people.  

    Maybe it was what I deserved. Death would probably be the only escape I got. If I took out a few along the way, would that redeem me?  

    Nick’s anger haunted me even as I slept that night.  

ELEVEN | The Asshole in Charge

    In under two hours we crossed from the neighborhood of Gentilly into Lake Vista without any more issues. We passed a good number of the dead, but nothing like