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Authors: Richmal Crompton
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before William appeared again. He stood in the doorway frowning and stern.
‘Father, what’s the capital of Holland?’
‘Good Heavens!’ said his father. ‘Buy him an encyclopedia. Anything, anything. What does he think I am? What—’
‘I’d better set apart a special room for his homework,’ said Mrs Brown soothingly, ‘now that he’s beginning to take such an interest.’
A room!’ echoed his father bitterly. ‘He wants a whole house.’
Miss Drew was surprised and touched by William’s earnestness and attention the next day. At the end of the afternoon school he kindly offered to carry her books home for her. He waved
aside all protests. He marched home by her side discoursing pleasantly, his small freckled face beaming devotion.
‘I like pirates, don’t you, Miss Drew? An’ robbers an’ things like that? Miss Drew, would you like to be married to a robber?’
He was trying to reconcile his old beloved dream of his future estate with the new one of becoming Miss Drew’s husband.
‘No,’ she said firmly.
His heart sank.
‘Nor a pirate?’ he said sadly.
‘No.’
‘They’re quite nice really – pirates,’ he assured her.
‘I think not.’
‘Well,’ he said resignedly, ‘we’ll jus’ have to go huntin’ wild animals and things. That’ll be all right.’
‘Who?’ she said, bewildered.
‘Well – jus’ you wait,’ he said darkly.
Then: ‘Would you rather be married by the Archbishop of York or the Pope?’
‘The Archbishop, I think,’ she said gravely.
He nodded.
All right.’
She was distinctly amused. She was less amused the next evening. Miss Drew had a male cousin – a very nice-looking male cousin, with whom she often went for walks in the evening. This
evening, by chance, they passed William’s house, and William, who was in the garden, threw aside his temporary role of pirate and joined them. He trotted happily on the other side of Miss
Drew. He entirely monopolised the conversation. The male cousin seemed to encourage him, and this annoyed Miss Drew. He refused to depart in spite of Miss Drew’s strong hints. He had various
items of interest to impart, and he imparted them with the air of one assured of an appreciative hearing. He had found a dead rat the day before and given it to his dog, but his dog didn’t
like ’em dead and neither did the ole cat, so he’d buried it. Did Miss Drew like all those flowers he’d got her the other day? He was afraid that he cudn’t bring any more
like that jus’ yet. Were there pirates now? Well, what would folks do to one if there was one? He din’t see why there shun’t be pirates now. He thought he’d start it,
anyway. He’d like to shoot a lion. He was goin’ to one day. He’d shoot a lion an’ a tiger. He’d bring the skin home to Miss Drew, if she liked. He grew recklessly
generous. He’d bring home lots of skins of all sorts of animals for Miss Drew.
‘Don’t you think you ought to be going home, William?’ said Miss Drew coldly.
William hastened to reassure her.
‘Oh, no – not for ever so long yet,’ he said.
‘Isn’t it your bedtime?’
‘Oh, no – not yet – not for ever so long.’
The male cousin was giving William his whole attention.
‘What does Miss Drew teach you at school, William?’ he said.
‘Oh, jus’ ornery things. Armadas an’ things. An’ ’bout lending a hundred pounds. That’s a norful soft thing. I unner stand it,’ he added
hastily, fearing further explanation, ‘but it’s soft. My father thinks it is, too, an’ he oughter know. He’s bin abroad lots of times. He’s bin chased by
a bull, my father has—’
WILLIAM HAD VARIOUS ITEMS OF INTEREST TO IMPART, AND HE IMPARTED THEM WITH THE AIR OF ONE ASSURED OF AN APPRECIATIVE HEARING.
The shades of night were falling fast when William reached Miss Drew’s house still discoursing volubly. He was drunk with success. He interpreted his idol’s silence as the silence of
rapt
‘Father, what’s the capital of Holland?’
‘Good Heavens!’ said his father. ‘Buy him an encyclopedia. Anything, anything. What does he think I am? What—’
‘I’d better set apart a special room for his homework,’ said Mrs Brown soothingly, ‘now that he’s beginning to take such an interest.’
A room!’ echoed his father bitterly. ‘He wants a whole house.’
Miss Drew was surprised and touched by William’s earnestness and attention the next day. At the end of the afternoon school he kindly offered to carry her books home for her. He waved
aside all protests. He marched home by her side discoursing pleasantly, his small freckled face beaming devotion.
‘I like pirates, don’t you, Miss Drew? An’ robbers an’ things like that? Miss Drew, would you like to be married to a robber?’
He was trying to reconcile his old beloved dream of his future estate with the new one of becoming Miss Drew’s husband.
‘No,’ she said firmly.
His heart sank.
‘Nor a pirate?’ he said sadly.
‘No.’
‘They’re quite nice really – pirates,’ he assured her.
‘I think not.’
‘Well,’ he said resignedly, ‘we’ll jus’ have to go huntin’ wild animals and things. That’ll be all right.’
‘Who?’ she said, bewildered.
‘Well – jus’ you wait,’ he said darkly.
Then: ‘Would you rather be married by the Archbishop of York or the Pope?’
‘The Archbishop, I think,’ she said gravely.
He nodded.
All right.’
She was distinctly amused. She was less amused the next evening. Miss Drew had a male cousin – a very nice-looking male cousin, with whom she often went for walks in the evening. This
evening, by chance, they passed William’s house, and William, who was in the garden, threw aside his temporary role of pirate and joined them. He trotted happily on the other side of Miss
Drew. He entirely monopolised the conversation. The male cousin seemed to encourage him, and this annoyed Miss Drew. He refused to depart in spite of Miss Drew’s strong hints. He had various
items of interest to impart, and he imparted them with the air of one assured of an appreciative hearing. He had found a dead rat the day before and given it to his dog, but his dog didn’t
like ’em dead and neither did the ole cat, so he’d buried it. Did Miss Drew like all those flowers he’d got her the other day? He was afraid that he cudn’t bring any more
like that jus’ yet. Were there pirates now? Well, what would folks do to one if there was one? He din’t see why there shun’t be pirates now. He thought he’d start it,
anyway. He’d like to shoot a lion. He was goin’ to one day. He’d shoot a lion an’ a tiger. He’d bring the skin home to Miss Drew, if she liked. He grew recklessly
generous. He’d bring home lots of skins of all sorts of animals for Miss Drew.
‘Don’t you think you ought to be going home, William?’ said Miss Drew coldly.
William hastened to reassure her.
‘Oh, no – not for ever so long yet,’ he said.
‘Isn’t it your bedtime?’
‘Oh, no – not yet – not for ever so long.’
The male cousin was giving William his whole attention.
‘What does Miss Drew teach you at school, William?’ he said.
‘Oh, jus’ ornery things. Armadas an’ things. An’ ’bout lending a hundred pounds. That’s a norful soft thing. I unner stand it,’ he added
hastily, fearing further explanation, ‘but it’s soft. My father thinks it is, too, an’ he oughter know. He’s bin abroad lots of times. He’s bin chased by
a bull, my father has—’
WILLIAM HAD VARIOUS ITEMS OF INTEREST TO IMPART, AND HE IMPARTED THEM WITH THE AIR OF ONE ASSURED OF AN APPRECIATIVE HEARING.
The shades of night were falling fast when William reached Miss Drew’s house still discoursing volubly. He was drunk with success. He interpreted his idol’s silence as the silence of
rapt
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