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shock when they see their grades, because they hadn’t paid attention to exactly how well (or poorly) they were doing. To avoid this anxiety, try a slight shift in thinking: instead of dreading the report, consider looking forward to it as an opportunity to affirm achievement and take action on any challenges it may present. One way to begin this shift is to encourage your child to be proactive about monitoring her progress by asking the teacher for an informal progress report every two to three weeks. The following two-minute check-in strategy is a short, structured approach that your child can use for initiating a conversation with any middle school teacher.
    After the first several weeks of school have passed, suggest that your child stop by each of her classes either before or after school with the goal of spending two minutes talking with each teacherabout her progress. Here are some sample questions to use during this conversation.
    COACHING TIP
    For adolescents to truly benefit from informal progress reports, they must obtain them without continued prodding from their parents. As soon as a parent starts to demand rather than suggest an informal report, the child no longer owns the reporting or achievement process. Overly eager parents can diminish their child’s interest in school and achievement by trying to take over the learning process, essentially sabotaging their child’s progress toward independence. Rather than assuming responsibility for your child’s success or failures in school, anticipate the sense of fulfillment that comes from watching your child achieve, independently of your effort and influence.
    â€œHi, Ms./Mrs./Mr. ________, I just wanted to stop by and ask you about how I’m doing in your class. Is now a good time, or should I come back?”
    Once the teacher invites your child to continue the conversation, she can ask,
    â€œAm I missing any assignments or projects?”
    â€œHow can I improve my grade in your class?”
    â€œHow can I challenge myself this quarter?” (An especially good question to ask if the child already has an A!)
    The insight your child gains from these informal progress reports can be an invaluable part of her growth during the school year. Adolescents naturally yearn for independence. Taking responsibility for talking with teachers, particularly about academic achievement, gives adolescents a real opportunity to become more independent. Teachers begin to anticipate these informal conversations and provide more detailed feedback for your child. The ongoing communication with teachers helps your child develop greater confidence in her ability to talk with adults in authority positions, which feeds her ever-growing desire for independence.From a teacher’s perspective, your child’s initiating these conversations translates into a genuine interest in learning. Teachers love to work with students who show a passion for learning. Beyond the strictly academic information children receive, informal progress reports provide additional opportunities to build relationships with the valued members of their support team—a skill that will serve them for years to come.
    COACHING TIP
    The hours outside of school can be busy for teachers, so encourage your child to be persistent in efforts to find a time for a two-minute check-in with each teacher.
    Put the tools we’ve talked about in this chapter to work, and you will be rewarded with strong teacher relationships that ultimately lead to a much easier trip through the middle school years. Much of academic progress is based on the relationships children have with their teachers. Everyone remembers a few teachers who didn’t rank very high on the likeability scale. It’s hard for a student to make progress in a subject if he has a strained relationship with the teacher. By contrast, the school years you spent with some of your favorite teachers were undoubtedly filled with