Read Online Jamie Brown Is NOT Rich by Adam Wallace - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Adam Wallace
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tongues.
It’s not easy.
Only the skilful can do it …
‘JAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIIEEE!!!’
That was Mum. The triplets oooooooooooooooohed and laughed at me. All that meant was that they spat out sultana bits.
They thought I was in trouble, but I wasn’t worried. Mum hardly ever gets angry, but when she does she has three yelling voices.
There’s the ‘You are in trouble’ voice. Then there’s the ‘You are in BIG trouble, Mister!’ voice. And then, scariest of all, there’s the ‘YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T COME HERE THIS INSTANT MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE AND IF THAT HAPPENS YOU HAD BETTER CLEAN ALL MY BRAINS AND HEAD GUTS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!!’ voice.
If my nice, gentle mum uses that voice? I’m in a spot of bother, as rich people might say.
I threw another sultana in the air.
‘JAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIEEEEE BROWN!’
Uh oh. She used my last name. That was getting close to the ‘YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T COME HERE THIS INSTANT MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE AND IF THAT HAPPENS YOU HAD BETTER CLEAN ALL MY BRAINS AND HEAD GUTS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!!’ voice.
I bolted and was home before the sultana hit the ground.
CHAPTER 3
YOU’VE GOT
MAIL
Dad and I arrived home at the same time.
‘ JINX! ’ yelled Dad. DAMMIT! Now if I spoke before someone said my name he could punch my shoulder.
‘ Mum OW! ’ I said. Dad had punched my shoulder. Yep, I forget stuff pretty quickly! Dad, unfortunately and especially when it comes to jinxes, doesn’t. Mum went all serious.
‘ Marcus, Jamie … ’
‘HAHA!’ I laughed, pulling a face at Dad.
Dad groaned. Mum tapped her foot. Like I said, she doesn’t get mad much, but when she does it looks like steam’s about to come out of her ears. I wondered if we could wait her out but she got in first.
‘Wouldn’t you like to know why I called you in?’ she asked.
‘We got an old sewing machine to fix up?’ Dad said.
‘Aliens have invaded and they want to take me to their leader to represent the earth in an intergalactic mini-golf tournament?’ I asked.
‘Burp?’ burped Katie.
We cheered. Katie’s been practising her burping, and that was a good one. Mum sighed and showed us an envelope.
‘We got a letter,’ she said. Dad and I ooooooohed and aaaaaaahed. Katie ate a bug.
Dad and I oooooohed and aaaaaahed some more and bowed to the envelope like we’d never seen a letter before.
We had.
Lots of them, usually about electricity and stuff, and always in lots of pretty colours like red and yellow.
Mum showed us the back of the envelope.
We oooohed and aaaaahed and then oooohed and aaaaahed even louder. Then we stopped, and Dad spoke for both of us.
‘Who’s B. Von Bubblebutt?’
Hahaha. Dad always gets names wrong. Mum rolled her eyes.
‘Barnaby Von Barnabus. His name used to be Barney Brown. Even though he isn’t a lot older than me, he’s actually my great-great-uncle twice removed, and I was his favourite great-great-niece twice removed. He used to babysit me. He did magic too, Jamie, card tricks and all. He was fantastic.’
‘Well then, we have something in common, this Booboo Bonbon guy and me,’ Dad said.
Mum looked at him. I looked at him. Dad sucks at magic.
‘Of course you do, dear,’ Mum said nicely. ‘Anyway, moving on, Barnaby was such a great guy, and then he invented something that changed everybody’s lives … the hand pillow!’
Now we really did oooooh and aaaaaaah. Theis like the greatest invention EVER !!!
So. You know how when you’re half sitting or half lying and you’re sort of leaning on your elbow and resting your chin in your hand? Awesomely comfy, right? Right … until your hand gets pins and needles and your arm goes numb and your wrist feels like it’s locked in that position FOREVER !
Well, with a, you never get sore. You just relax into it and your arms are free and there are no pins and needles and it’s
It’s not easy.
Only the skilful can do it …
‘JAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIIEEE!!!’
That was Mum. The triplets oooooooooooooooohed and laughed at me. All that meant was that they spat out sultana bits.
They thought I was in trouble, but I wasn’t worried. Mum hardly ever gets angry, but when she does she has three yelling voices.
There’s the ‘You are in trouble’ voice. Then there’s the ‘You are in BIG trouble, Mister!’ voice. And then, scariest of all, there’s the ‘YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T COME HERE THIS INSTANT MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE AND IF THAT HAPPENS YOU HAD BETTER CLEAN ALL MY BRAINS AND HEAD GUTS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!!’ voice.
If my nice, gentle mum uses that voice? I’m in a spot of bother, as rich people might say.
I threw another sultana in the air.
‘JAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIEEEEE BROWN!’
Uh oh. She used my last name. That was getting close to the ‘YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T COME HERE THIS INSTANT MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE AND IF THAT HAPPENS YOU HAD BETTER CLEAN ALL MY BRAINS AND HEAD GUTS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!!’ voice.
I bolted and was home before the sultana hit the ground.
CHAPTER 3
YOU’VE GOT
Dad and I arrived home at the same time.
‘ JINX! ’ yelled Dad. DAMMIT! Now if I spoke before someone said my name he could punch my shoulder.
‘ Mum OW! ’ I said. Dad had punched my shoulder. Yep, I forget stuff pretty quickly! Dad, unfortunately and especially when it comes to jinxes, doesn’t. Mum went all serious.
‘ Marcus, Jamie … ’
‘HAHA!’ I laughed, pulling a face at Dad.
Dad groaned. Mum tapped her foot. Like I said, she doesn’t get mad much, but when she does it looks like steam’s about to come out of her ears. I wondered if we could wait her out but she got in first.
‘Wouldn’t you like to know why I called you in?’ she asked.
‘We got an old sewing machine to fix up?’ Dad said.
‘Aliens have invaded and they want to take me to their leader to represent the earth in an intergalactic mini-golf tournament?’ I asked.
‘Burp?’ burped Katie.
We cheered. Katie’s been practising her burping, and that was a good one. Mum sighed and showed us an envelope.
‘We got a letter,’ she said. Dad and I ooooooohed and aaaaaaahed. Katie ate a bug.
Dad and I oooooohed and aaaaaahed some more and bowed to the envelope like we’d never seen a letter before.
We had.
Lots of them, usually about electricity and stuff, and always in lots of pretty colours like red and yellow.
Mum showed us the back of the envelope.
We oooohed and aaaaahed and then oooohed and aaaaahed even louder. Then we stopped, and Dad spoke for both of us.
‘Who’s B. Von Bubblebutt?’
Hahaha. Dad always gets names wrong. Mum rolled her eyes.
‘Barnaby Von Barnabus. His name used to be Barney Brown. Even though he isn’t a lot older than me, he’s actually my great-great-uncle twice removed, and I was his favourite great-great-niece twice removed. He used to babysit me. He did magic too, Jamie, card tricks and all. He was fantastic.’
‘Well then, we have something in common, this Booboo Bonbon guy and me,’ Dad said.
Mum looked at him. I looked at him. Dad sucks at magic.
‘Of course you do, dear,’ Mum said nicely. ‘Anyway, moving on, Barnaby was such a great guy, and then he invented something that changed everybody’s lives … the hand pillow!’
Now we really did oooooh and aaaaaaah. Theis like the greatest invention EVER !!!
So. You know how when you’re half sitting or half lying and you’re sort of leaning on your elbow and resting your chin in your hand? Awesomely comfy, right? Right … until your hand gets pins and needles and your arm goes numb and your wrist feels like it’s locked in that position FOREVER !
Well, with a, you never get sore. You just relax into it and your arms are free and there are no pins and needles and it’s
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