Read Online Jackie's Jokes by Lauren Baratz-Logsted - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Lauren Baratz-Logsted
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us do," Annie said.
"They give us a list of words," Durinda said.
"Or a series of pictures," Georgia said.
"And nearly all of them are the same," Petal said.
"Like all fruits or all nouns," Rebecca said.
"Except for one, which is a vegetable or an adjective," Zinnia said.
"And then they ask," Marcia said, '"Which item is not like the others?'"
"Interesting theory, but no," Pete said, looking more serious than we'd seen him all day. "I don't think it works that way at all. At least not this time."
"How do you mean?" Jackie asked.
"It's like this," Pete said. "If Crazy Serena is evil—and she is, I know, because I saw it with my own eyes—and this Wicket person is evil—and you tell me she is, and I believe you—then if Principal Freud's picture is here with these two..."
We knew what Pete was going to say even before he said it, but the words were still a shock to hear:
"Then Principal Freud must be evil too."
CHAPTER NINE
This was new and shocking information: the idea that someone we'd known for years, someone who was the head of our school, could be evil.
"What do we do now?" Jackie asked Pete.
"Well, I would think it would be obvious," Pete replied. "Someone needs to get to the bottom of things, find out what's been going on."
We saw that he was right, of course. But how?
Two questions burned in all our minds:
What did Principal Freud know, and when did he know it?
***
Sunday passed uneventfully, or at least as uneventfully as a day could pass when the day before you'd visited your CPA and later learned there were even more forces for evil in the world than you'd previously imagined.
One thing kept our minds off some of our other problems: the cats. They were becoming a huge problem themselves, what with all the powers they'd acquired.
"I have been talking to them," Zinnia told us.
"Of course you have, dear," Durinda said. Sometimes we wondered at Durinda's endless capacity for humoring the loony among us.
"Are they really planning a kitty coup now?" Petal asked.
"Oh, brother." Rebecca rolled her eyes.
"What are they saying?" Jackie asked seriously.
"Well," Zinnia said, "it's the four youngest who are most upset: Minx, Precious, Rambunctious, and Zither."
"We do know who the four youngest are," Marcia said. We were reminded yet again that Marcia always had a chip on her shoulder because she felt that being the oldest of the four youngest should give her more power, but it didn't.
"They say," Zinnia said, "that it was bad enough when the first three got their powers: Anthrax bossing everyone around, Dandruff freezing the others where they stood so she could eat all the kibble, Greatorex making herself invisible whenever she felt like it. But now with Jaguar being so fast, they are all deeply depressed. They say there's no point in even bothering to chase after Biff when we throw it, because they will never be able to beat Jaguar to the catnip again." Zinnia paused to take a breath. It had been a long speech for her. "They blame it on Jaguar's haircut and say they never liked that haircut to begin with."
"Huh," Jackie said, looking offended at this insult to the haircut. "Well, I don't think they should blame the hair." We knew Jackie was pleased with her own haircut. And who could blame her? Everyone—Pete, Will, evil Principal Freud—kept telling her how nice it looked. "But could you do me a favor?" Jackie asked Zinnia.
"That all depends," Zinnia said, her eyes narrowing. "You're not going to ask me to give you my gift when I finally get it, are you?" Gifts were so important to Zinnia.
"Nothing like that," Jackie assured her. "Could you please tell Jaguar that I, as her mistress, ask that she let the other cats win every now and then when they chase after things?"
We watched as Zinnia whispered into Jaguar's furry ear.
"I can't believe," Rebecca muttered to Jackie, "that you humor the little loony like this."
"Have you ever wondered what would happen," Annie asked Rebecca, "if it
"They give us a list of words," Durinda said.
"Or a series of pictures," Georgia said.
"And nearly all of them are the same," Petal said.
"Like all fruits or all nouns," Rebecca said.
"Except for one, which is a vegetable or an adjective," Zinnia said.
"And then they ask," Marcia said, '"Which item is not like the others?'"
"Interesting theory, but no," Pete said, looking more serious than we'd seen him all day. "I don't think it works that way at all. At least not this time."
"How do you mean?" Jackie asked.
"It's like this," Pete said. "If Crazy Serena is evil—and she is, I know, because I saw it with my own eyes—and this Wicket person is evil—and you tell me she is, and I believe you—then if Principal Freud's picture is here with these two..."
We knew what Pete was going to say even before he said it, but the words were still a shock to hear:
"Then Principal Freud must be evil too."
CHAPTER NINE
This was new and shocking information: the idea that someone we'd known for years, someone who was the head of our school, could be evil.
"What do we do now?" Jackie asked Pete.
"Well, I would think it would be obvious," Pete replied. "Someone needs to get to the bottom of things, find out what's been going on."
We saw that he was right, of course. But how?
Two questions burned in all our minds:
What did Principal Freud know, and when did he know it?
***
Sunday passed uneventfully, or at least as uneventfully as a day could pass when the day before you'd visited your CPA and later learned there were even more forces for evil in the world than you'd previously imagined.
One thing kept our minds off some of our other problems: the cats. They were becoming a huge problem themselves, what with all the powers they'd acquired.
"I have been talking to them," Zinnia told us.
"Of course you have, dear," Durinda said. Sometimes we wondered at Durinda's endless capacity for humoring the loony among us.
"Are they really planning a kitty coup now?" Petal asked.
"Oh, brother." Rebecca rolled her eyes.
"What are they saying?" Jackie asked seriously.
"Well," Zinnia said, "it's the four youngest who are most upset: Minx, Precious, Rambunctious, and Zither."
"We do know who the four youngest are," Marcia said. We were reminded yet again that Marcia always had a chip on her shoulder because she felt that being the oldest of the four youngest should give her more power, but it didn't.
"They say," Zinnia said, "that it was bad enough when the first three got their powers: Anthrax bossing everyone around, Dandruff freezing the others where they stood so she could eat all the kibble, Greatorex making herself invisible whenever she felt like it. But now with Jaguar being so fast, they are all deeply depressed. They say there's no point in even bothering to chase after Biff when we throw it, because they will never be able to beat Jaguar to the catnip again." Zinnia paused to take a breath. It had been a long speech for her. "They blame it on Jaguar's haircut and say they never liked that haircut to begin with."
"Huh," Jackie said, looking offended at this insult to the haircut. "Well, I don't think they should blame the hair." We knew Jackie was pleased with her own haircut. And who could blame her? Everyone—Pete, Will, evil Principal Freud—kept telling her how nice it looked. "But could you do me a favor?" Jackie asked Zinnia.
"That all depends," Zinnia said, her eyes narrowing. "You're not going to ask me to give you my gift when I finally get it, are you?" Gifts were so important to Zinnia.
"Nothing like that," Jackie assured her. "Could you please tell Jaguar that I, as her mistress, ask that she let the other cats win every now and then when they chase after things?"
We watched as Zinnia whispered into Jaguar's furry ear.
"I can't believe," Rebecca muttered to Jackie, "that you humor the little loony like this."
"Have you ever wondered what would happen," Annie asked Rebecca, "if it
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