residency, although I have to again say that I feel you’re making a big career mistake. You’ve never been too keen on sitting on your butt in the lab, Erin.” He drew in a leveling breath. “I know you have some personal goal here but I think you’re going to be miserable and I really wish you’d reconsider. The Assistant Director position we discussed is still on the table as an option, should you want to reconsider it. Continue to study toxicology on the side if it’s still your passion. It will only add to your value in emergency medicine. But honestly, I’ve watched you grow and thrive and I truly believe here is where your true calling is.”
I shook my head, though after all this time, it had become somewhat automatic. “My goal has always been singular.”
“It means a huge pay cut too. Keep that in mind.”
He studied me. “I wish you could see in yourself what I see in you. Well, think about it. No final decisions need to be made, but for now, for today and tomorrow, I think you should take some time to regroup.”
I could see his point but being dismissed because of my own emotional weakness was not something I could stomach either. “Sam, I’m fine, really. I’ll go check in on things up in ICU and then I’ll be back on the floor. I just need maybe an hour—”
His hand slapped down on the desk. “Damn it, Erin. No.”
I cringed back in my chair slightly, caught off guard by his angry retort. I had heard him yell plenty of times over the years, but I loathed myself every time it was directed toward me. “I can do this. I’m not going to let my team down because of it. We’re already short staffed tonight.”
His reprimanding glare was slightly intimidating, like when your father expressed his disappointment. “I thought you of all people realize that when you go in there without your head in the game that’s when critical mistakes are made. Just because it’s you , don’t think you’re immune. I’m not going to let you risk it, even if you’re too damn stubborn to realize that for yourself. We’ll manage. You go home.”
Stubborn? As if I’d never heard that one before. Usually there were other adjectives to go along with that one but now was probably not the best time to be defiant, especially since I’d schooled other residents on the importance of focus.
I knew if I went home, I’d wallow in my thoughts. “I didn’t drive.”
“Can someone pick you up?”
“No, I need to keep busy. I’ll just…” I didn’t know what I’d just do.
“Go see your family. Go rest in the on-call room. Just no patients tonight.”
As if I’d be able to rest . After I’d been dismissed with my marching orders, I pressed the button for the elevator, knowing he’d follow through with his threat to have me physically removed from the ER if he saw me in there anywhere tonight. I chose being smart over being foolish—for now.
I checked my pager, wondering if Doctor Sechler was available for consult.
No sooner did I make it through the security doors of the ICU, I spotted my mom sitting stoically by my Uncle Cal’s side, her cheeks pale and worn with emotional exhaustion, rubbing his non-responsive hand.
THESE BASTARDS ARE going to nail me to the cross today. I just fucking know it.
Marcus had warned me earlier at the gun range that the guys were going to be relentless tonight, but what was I supposed to do? Not show up for work?
Screw that. I had shit to do.
I headed down the florescent-lit hallway and its dingy walls to our main briefing room, flicked on the lights, not surprised that I was the first one in. And tonight, I was an extra hour early, but not by choice. I grabbed a copy of the hot sheet and got comfortable in my ratty-ass tan desk chair, knowing I had some time to kill. It creaked in protest as I leaned back, like a crotchety old man too weathered by years of hard living to move.
Something sharp dug into my elbow and I wondered for a moment if
I shook my head, though after all this time, it had become somewhat automatic. “My goal has always been singular.”
“It means a huge pay cut too. Keep that in mind.”
He studied me. “I wish you could see in yourself what I see in you. Well, think about it. No final decisions need to be made, but for now, for today and tomorrow, I think you should take some time to regroup.”
I could see his point but being dismissed because of my own emotional weakness was not something I could stomach either. “Sam, I’m fine, really. I’ll go check in on things up in ICU and then I’ll be back on the floor. I just need maybe an hour—”
His hand slapped down on the desk. “Damn it, Erin. No.”
I cringed back in my chair slightly, caught off guard by his angry retort. I had heard him yell plenty of times over the years, but I loathed myself every time it was directed toward me. “I can do this. I’m not going to let my team down because of it. We’re already short staffed tonight.”
His reprimanding glare was slightly intimidating, like when your father expressed his disappointment. “I thought you of all people realize that when you go in there without your head in the game that’s when critical mistakes are made. Just because it’s you , don’t think you’re immune. I’m not going to let you risk it, even if you’re too damn stubborn to realize that for yourself. We’ll manage. You go home.”
Stubborn? As if I’d never heard that one before. Usually there were other adjectives to go along with that one but now was probably not the best time to be defiant, especially since I’d schooled other residents on the importance of focus.
I knew if I went home, I’d wallow in my thoughts. “I didn’t drive.”
“Can someone pick you up?”
“No, I need to keep busy. I’ll just…” I didn’t know what I’d just do.
“Go see your family. Go rest in the on-call room. Just no patients tonight.”
As if I’d be able to rest . After I’d been dismissed with my marching orders, I pressed the button for the elevator, knowing he’d follow through with his threat to have me physically removed from the ER if he saw me in there anywhere tonight. I chose being smart over being foolish—for now.
I checked my pager, wondering if Doctor Sechler was available for consult.
No sooner did I make it through the security doors of the ICU, I spotted my mom sitting stoically by my Uncle Cal’s side, her cheeks pale and worn with emotional exhaustion, rubbing his non-responsive hand.
THESE BASTARDS ARE going to nail me to the cross today. I just fucking know it.
Marcus had warned me earlier at the gun range that the guys were going to be relentless tonight, but what was I supposed to do? Not show up for work?
Screw that. I had shit to do.
I headed down the florescent-lit hallway and its dingy walls to our main briefing room, flicked on the lights, not surprised that I was the first one in. And tonight, I was an extra hour early, but not by choice. I grabbed a copy of the hot sheet and got comfortable in my ratty-ass tan desk chair, knowing I had some time to kill. It creaked in protest as I leaned back, like a crotchety old man too weathered by years of hard living to move.
Something sharp dug into my elbow and I wondered for a moment if
Similar Books
