Read Online It's Like This by Anne O'Gleadra - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Anne O'Gleadra
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against him, into him, and even if he’s not doing anything to turn me on, I’m afraid at any second he might try and that thought honestly disgusts me, because I don’t want it, not even at all.
“I don’t want to have sex right now,” tumbles out of my mouth before I even know it’s there and I cannot believe I did that—that I just fucking acknowledged it and with it…everything. Shit. Holy shit. My pulse spikes with terror and fuck I—God, I should have just let him fuck me and then he could have left and then I would’ve known that he’d come back, probably. Fuck…I…
“What the hell, Nigh?” He smashes through my thoughts. I don’t know what to expect. Like, is he going to deny the whole last three years, pretend not to know what I’m talking about? Or maybe he’ll just up and leave: strip my body of his and take off and I’ll be here, alone, again, because I had to go and fucking open my stupid, shitty mouth. He’s still talking but I can barely bring myself to listen because I know whatever he’s going to say is probably the last fucking thing he’ll ever say to me, holy shit, I’m fucking hysterical. Holy shit…
“Seriously, just how much of an asshole do you think I am?” His voice is incredulous or—hurt? He doesn’t pull away, just maybe holds me tighter in place, which makes me feel safe even though I know I can’t be and nothing makes any sense right now. “Shit,” he whispers.
He still doesn’t let me go and yet I’m still waiting for him to leave: to get up and walk out of the door and silently proclaim the nothing we have officially over.
Instead, he’s…he’s kissing my face and I don’t know what is going on because I told him I don’t want to have sex right now. I just told him that, so what the fuck is he doing? I never once thought he’d force it; I swore to Shona up and down a thousand times over that he’d never force it: that there’s rough, and then there’s something else entirely. I can’t believe this. He’s still kissing me when I don’t want to do anything like that, not tonight, Jesus, not now.
My neck cranes to look at him, to get him to stop somehow, but instead he fucking kisses my lips, he’s got his hands on my face and his mouth over mine, and I can’t take it, I seriously can’t. I told him I didn’t want…I have never used my size against him, but I fucking do now. I turn halfway around and press my hands into his shoulders, and he keeps on fucking kissing me, so I shove him, as hard as I can, and he fires backwards into the wall the bed is pushed up against.
“I said I don’t want to have sex right now!” I almost scream but stop myself—I don’t want Matilda to come barging in here—so it comes out strangled-sounding instead.
Rylan stares at me from the far side of the bed, eyebrows and face screwed up in wonder, probably disbelieving that I would ever say no to him, the bastard. He shakes his head and sets his jaw. He sits up slowly and leans against the wall, brows furrowed and lips thin.
He makes no move to touch me and I’m so fucking relieved. Instead, calmly, carefully he says, “Niles. Baby. I don’t want to have sex with you right now, either.”
He’s doing that thing where he looks me straight in the eyes, not letting me look away. And, finally— finally —I get it. I get that maybe I’ve had this whole thing wrong from the start. That things are kind of fucked right now, and Rylan can maybe be an asshole sometimes, but he’s here, and that should be a big fucking clue, because no matter where things stand with me, he loves Kya and suddenly I’m sure she’s all he’s been thinking of, same as me. I cover my face with my palms and press my fingers desperately into my forehead because I might sort of get it but that doesn’t mean I know what comes next.
“OK,” I find myself murmuring. “Yeah, OK. Yeah. I get it, I just. Fuck. Can you please just—what do you want?” It comes out in what could
“I don’t want to have sex right now,” tumbles out of my mouth before I even know it’s there and I cannot believe I did that—that I just fucking acknowledged it and with it…everything. Shit. Holy shit. My pulse spikes with terror and fuck I—God, I should have just let him fuck me and then he could have left and then I would’ve known that he’d come back, probably. Fuck…I…
“What the hell, Nigh?” He smashes through my thoughts. I don’t know what to expect. Like, is he going to deny the whole last three years, pretend not to know what I’m talking about? Or maybe he’ll just up and leave: strip my body of his and take off and I’ll be here, alone, again, because I had to go and fucking open my stupid, shitty mouth. He’s still talking but I can barely bring myself to listen because I know whatever he’s going to say is probably the last fucking thing he’ll ever say to me, holy shit, I’m fucking hysterical. Holy shit…
“Seriously, just how much of an asshole do you think I am?” His voice is incredulous or—hurt? He doesn’t pull away, just maybe holds me tighter in place, which makes me feel safe even though I know I can’t be and nothing makes any sense right now. “Shit,” he whispers.
He still doesn’t let me go and yet I’m still waiting for him to leave: to get up and walk out of the door and silently proclaim the nothing we have officially over.
Instead, he’s…he’s kissing my face and I don’t know what is going on because I told him I don’t want to have sex right now. I just told him that, so what the fuck is he doing? I never once thought he’d force it; I swore to Shona up and down a thousand times over that he’d never force it: that there’s rough, and then there’s something else entirely. I can’t believe this. He’s still kissing me when I don’t want to do anything like that, not tonight, Jesus, not now.
My neck cranes to look at him, to get him to stop somehow, but instead he fucking kisses my lips, he’s got his hands on my face and his mouth over mine, and I can’t take it, I seriously can’t. I told him I didn’t want…I have never used my size against him, but I fucking do now. I turn halfway around and press my hands into his shoulders, and he keeps on fucking kissing me, so I shove him, as hard as I can, and he fires backwards into the wall the bed is pushed up against.
“I said I don’t want to have sex right now!” I almost scream but stop myself—I don’t want Matilda to come barging in here—so it comes out strangled-sounding instead.
Rylan stares at me from the far side of the bed, eyebrows and face screwed up in wonder, probably disbelieving that I would ever say no to him, the bastard. He shakes his head and sets his jaw. He sits up slowly and leans against the wall, brows furrowed and lips thin.
He makes no move to touch me and I’m so fucking relieved. Instead, calmly, carefully he says, “Niles. Baby. I don’t want to have sex with you right now, either.”
He’s doing that thing where he looks me straight in the eyes, not letting me look away. And, finally— finally —I get it. I get that maybe I’ve had this whole thing wrong from the start. That things are kind of fucked right now, and Rylan can maybe be an asshole sometimes, but he’s here, and that should be a big fucking clue, because no matter where things stand with me, he loves Kya and suddenly I’m sure she’s all he’s been thinking of, same as me. I cover my face with my palms and press my fingers desperately into my forehead because I might sort of get it but that doesn’t mean I know what comes next.
“OK,” I find myself murmuring. “Yeah, OK. Yeah. I get it, I just. Fuck. Can you please just—what do you want?” It comes out in what could
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