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baby’s little bracelet was already in it, ready for the birth, and it said “MALE” on it. So all day, Alan thought that the nurses had somehow known that we were going to have a boy. But he didn’t tell me.
    After hours of pushing, straining, and the loss of all dignity on my part, our beautiful baby finally arrived. Alan looked her over.
    There’s, uh, something missing, he thought. She’s a she!
    Later he asked the nurse about the bracelet that had said she was a boy.
    â€œOh,” she said, “they’re all labeled ‘MALE’ until after the birth. Then, like in your case, we add ‘FE’ if it’s a girl!”
    The doctor asked Alan if he wanted to cut the cord. “I think I’ll let you do that,” he said. Then they cleaned up our baby and handed her to me. My body started trembling uncontrollably. Alan and I cried and held her, and thanked God that she was beautiful, with all her fingers and toes.
    We named her Mattie Denise, in honor of Alan’s mother and me. We were overwhelmed with joy and a strange, sweet surge of adrenaline, and we talked uncontrollably about everything that had happened. It was one of those rare times when everything else drops away completely, one of those moments when time seems to stop and you’re at the still hub of life’s big wheel.
    Then the wheel started turning again. I stayed in the hospital for a day and a half. There was a radio in the room, and it seemed like Alan’s song was playing every hour on the hour. I was overwhelmed. Alan’s career was taking off in a big way, and more importantly, our beautiful baby daughter had arrived. It was as if all of our dreams were finally coming true, right before our eyes.
    But that didn’t last long.

Chapter 9
LIFE THROWS CURVES

    We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
    Alan Jackson, “Remember When,”
    N othing made me happier than holding our tiny, precious baby girl and knowing that she was healthy and normal. I prided myself on the fact that I had rigorously watched my diet and made sure to get just the right amount of protein every day. We had learned in our childbirth classes that this was important for strong brain development. (Indeed,Mattie has proven herself to be an exceptionally intelligent girl over the years. Never mind the great genes she must have gotten from both her parents!)
    But with this new joy came tremendous disappointment as I realized that Alan had to leave town the day before I’d go home from the hospital. While I was grateful that he had been present for the birth, and that I hadn’t gone into labor while he was on the road, performing, I was also sad that he wouldn’t be with me to bring our first baby home.
    I had held a happy homecoming picture in my mind—both of us laughing and carrying our new baby into our little home, together—ever since we found out I was pregnant.Now it would just be me. And though I didn’t really realize it at the time, a lot of the happy expectations I’d had about our dream-come-true life were, in fact, rather different from its reality.
    Marty Gamblin’s wonderful wife Cherie, who had been such a good friend to us over the years, offered to bring Mattie and me home. She helped us pack up everything, including many massive flower arrangements from Arista, record executives, and family and friends, and then joined a couple of nurses as they pushed the wheelchair holding me and Mattie outside to her minivan. There was no fanfare as there would have been if Alan had been with us. Even though he had had only two singles out by then, people were already recognizing him from his first CD cover.
    I rode in the back with Mattie next to me in her new car seat. Even with the extra padding around her, she seemed so small and scrunched. I was just beginning to realize that as a new mother, I was going to worry about everything: