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Authors: Barbara Copperthwaite
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moping around in floods of tears because of Daryl,
although it’s tempting.
2am - Before I went though I
did spend quite some time obsessively dialling Daryl’s phone. And despite
having an absolutely wonderful time with my friends (Hannah cried out at the
last minute, but she wasn’t missed much!) every time I ducked to the loo I rang
him too…and on the way home I hit redial until I actually got a sore finger… It’s
ringing out and he’s not answering. Cunning, because
now he can see the amount of calls he’s missed and will know I’ve been repeat
dialling him.
He knows damn well the one
thing guaranteed to drive me insane is for him to drop off the face of the
earth. I get so that I can’t rest until I’ve spoken to him, even if I’ve
nothing to say. It’s his little control device and the sad thing is, it works
every time.
Tomorrow I must: tidy house,
change bed sheets and towels, do washing up, exercise, sort present for Sarah
(birthday in a week’s time, but got to allow time to post it to her house in
Lincoln), bikini line, deep condition hair, shave legs, because Daryl is coming
home tomorrow night. But for now I’m going to bed and forgetting about men!
Sunday 3
Well, I did the housework
but that was about it. Deep conditioned hair then waxed bikini line - possibly
the most painful experience of my life and it turns out I’ve done it for no
reason at all. Just as I was about to shave my legs, Daryl called. He’s being
sent direct to Sweden, won’t be home until 12th. Gutted.
But we had a good talk about
him refusing to talk to me after rows, and he actually apologised, which is
pretty much unheard of. And he was almost crying because I said: ‘When you tell
me stuff like this, that we won’t be seeing each other for ages, you sound so
business-like. I feel like you don’t care.’
He explained that it’s
because he’s so nervous and is really het up, so just comes out with it. ‘I
know I’ll just, if I try to tell you how sorry I really am for what I do, I’ll
just…and if I say how much I love you…I’ll get all nervous, trip over my words,’
he said. He certainly started to stutter and stumble when he said that bit.
My heart melted then, I
don’t mind admitting; a warmth spreading through me, out from my chest. He’s seems
so big and strong and blokey , and really it’s all a huge
act to hide an insecure boy. It’s easy to forget that sometimes and only see
the façade he puts up. Then something will happen to make me think of that
bullied child he used to be and I don’t think there are words to describe how I
feel. Protective of him, angry for him, guilty that I could forget for even a
second the tough life he’s had and why he’s the way he is.
I told him I just need him
to keep telling me what’s happening and how he feels, or else I’ll get worried.
I didn’t mention that stuff about him fancying Kim, what’s the point? I
understand now that it was just about him putting his ‘big man’ act on.
Monday 4
Very
sweet today. Daryl gave me a call before he went to work.
‘Just to say hi and I’m thinking of you and miss you and love you,’ he said.
That really made my day!
Wednesday 5
Why is it that you never get
everything right in life? If work’s fine, then chances are the relationship is
struggling; if the relationship’s fine, then there’s a problem with the family.
As up and down as Daryl and I are, it feels like we’re slowly making headway –
I mean, at least we’re finally talking about our problems a bit instead of just
ignoring them and hoping they will go away. He has promised to try to get round
to booking a counselling session this week, too. So that’s good, and work is
good. But this situation with Hannah is really bugging me.
Even thinking about it makes
me feel like a kid again, it’s all so childish, and I can’t help feeling that
as grown women we should both be handling things a bit better. But I’m
although it’s tempting.
2am - Before I went though I
did spend quite some time obsessively dialling Daryl’s phone. And despite
having an absolutely wonderful time with my friends (Hannah cried out at the
last minute, but she wasn’t missed much!) every time I ducked to the loo I rang
him too…and on the way home I hit redial until I actually got a sore finger… It’s
ringing out and he’s not answering. Cunning, because
now he can see the amount of calls he’s missed and will know I’ve been repeat
dialling him.
He knows damn well the one
thing guaranteed to drive me insane is for him to drop off the face of the
earth. I get so that I can’t rest until I’ve spoken to him, even if I’ve
nothing to say. It’s his little control device and the sad thing is, it works
every time.
Tomorrow I must: tidy house,
change bed sheets and towels, do washing up, exercise, sort present for Sarah
(birthday in a week’s time, but got to allow time to post it to her house in
Lincoln), bikini line, deep condition hair, shave legs, because Daryl is coming
home tomorrow night. But for now I’m going to bed and forgetting about men!
Sunday 3
Well, I did the housework
but that was about it. Deep conditioned hair then waxed bikini line - possibly
the most painful experience of my life and it turns out I’ve done it for no
reason at all. Just as I was about to shave my legs, Daryl called. He’s being
sent direct to Sweden, won’t be home until 12th. Gutted.
But we had a good talk about
him refusing to talk to me after rows, and he actually apologised, which is
pretty much unheard of. And he was almost crying because I said: ‘When you tell
me stuff like this, that we won’t be seeing each other for ages, you sound so
business-like. I feel like you don’t care.’
He explained that it’s
because he’s so nervous and is really het up, so just comes out with it. ‘I
know I’ll just, if I try to tell you how sorry I really am for what I do, I’ll
just…and if I say how much I love you…I’ll get all nervous, trip over my words,’
he said. He certainly started to stutter and stumble when he said that bit.
My heart melted then, I
don’t mind admitting; a warmth spreading through me, out from my chest. He’s seems
so big and strong and blokey , and really it’s all a huge
act to hide an insecure boy. It’s easy to forget that sometimes and only see
the façade he puts up. Then something will happen to make me think of that
bullied child he used to be and I don’t think there are words to describe how I
feel. Protective of him, angry for him, guilty that I could forget for even a
second the tough life he’s had and why he’s the way he is.
I told him I just need him
to keep telling me what’s happening and how he feels, or else I’ll get worried.
I didn’t mention that stuff about him fancying Kim, what’s the point? I
understand now that it was just about him putting his ‘big man’ act on.
Monday 4
Very
sweet today. Daryl gave me a call before he went to work.
‘Just to say hi and I’m thinking of you and miss you and love you,’ he said.
That really made my day!
Wednesday 5
Why is it that you never get
everything right in life? If work’s fine, then chances are the relationship is
struggling; if the relationship’s fine, then there’s a problem with the family.
As up and down as Daryl and I are, it feels like we’re slowly making headway –
I mean, at least we’re finally talking about our problems a bit instead of just
ignoring them and hoping they will go away. He has promised to try to get round
to booking a counselling session this week, too. So that’s good, and work is
good. But this situation with Hannah is really bugging me.
Even thinking about it makes
me feel like a kid again, it’s all so childish, and I can’t help feeling that
as grown women we should both be handling things a bit better. But I’m
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