and they stepped off together and they were floating in the air as his mouth came down on hers and as he kissed her he shifted his weight so that his body was almost on top of hers and it felt…
‘Get a room, why don’t you!’
Eva jerked her eyes open and found herself looking straight into the contemptuous eyes of an early-morning dog walker. She buried her own burning face into Lucien’s shoulder, which was shaking with laughter, until the man had passed.
‘We could you know,’ he whispered into her ear.
‘Could what?’
‘Get a room. We wouldn’t have any problems with Sylvie or Benedict that way. Just you, me and an enormous bed…’
Could she really do this after spending years swearing to herself she wouldn’t fall for it again? It did feel like she was learning new things about him. He was in some ways much more complex than she’d ever realised. Or was that just the pills?
She sighed. ‘Oh, Lucien. I’m not even sure if this is…real. You know?’
He shifted further on top of her and nudged one of his legs between her thighs. ‘Reality’s overrated. It’s for people who can’t handle their drugs. Go on, there’s a Travelodge just by Regent’s Park. We could check in there.’
Her hands were inside his jacket, separated from his skin only by a T-shirt’s width of cotton. She could feel the contours of his body against her palms. How many times had she imagined this? Not half as many times as she’d had to force herself not to, because what was the point in wanting something you couldn’t have? And now here she was in situation where she could have it. Have him, Lucien. Was she really going to throw it away? Oh, but then there was Benedict, waiting at home for her, and she’d been so looking forward to seeing him. He wouldn’t easily forgive her if she went off with Lucien instead of spending the morning with him, and she didn’t even know if he’d made it back there okay, now she thought about it. He could have been mugged or anything. And he’d done his first pill tonight too. There really ought to be someone with him. She could just about be excused for the mix up over who was in the van, but it would be unforgiveable if she didn’t get home soon.
She reached up and kissed Lucien slowly on the mouth, then pulled away. ‘I can’t. I want to, but I’ve ditched Benedict and I don’t even know whether he’s okay. She kissed him again. ‘You could call me. Next week.’
Even as she said the words she sensed a barely perceptible shift in his features, the strained quality of lust dissipating and being replaced by his usual easy confidence, the affect of a man who knows that what he wants is there for the taking. The world jolted into focus and in that moment, she knew that he wouldn’t call her next week, or the one after. They weren’t Eva and Lucien, kindred spirits floating on a bed of clouds through a celestial skyscape. They were two drugged-up idiots lying on the cold ground in a public park at six o’clock in the morning. She was the biggest idiot, of course. Lucien was a complete bastard, but there was almost no point in even thinking about that because Lucien was just doing what Lucien did, taking his chances and hoping to get laid. It would be like criticising a scorpion for stinging you. Yes, it wasn’t pleasant, but its sting was on display, so if you picked it up and got stung then you were the idiot. She looked at him. Do I look like that , she wondered, staring at his bloodshot eyes with their wildly dilated pupils. There was a crust of greyish scum gathering at the corners of his mouth and his teeth and gums were stained dark from the red wine they’d drunk at the party, or maybe from the lollipops he’d been handing out at the club all evening.
Lucien sat up and brushed the grass from his clothes and Eva followed suit, grimly picking a piece of chewing gum off her sleeve. The new distance between them, in reality only a few inches, might as well have
‘Get a room, why don’t you!’
Eva jerked her eyes open and found herself looking straight into the contemptuous eyes of an early-morning dog walker. She buried her own burning face into Lucien’s shoulder, which was shaking with laughter, until the man had passed.
‘We could you know,’ he whispered into her ear.
‘Could what?’
‘Get a room. We wouldn’t have any problems with Sylvie or Benedict that way. Just you, me and an enormous bed…’
Could she really do this after spending years swearing to herself she wouldn’t fall for it again? It did feel like she was learning new things about him. He was in some ways much more complex than she’d ever realised. Or was that just the pills?
She sighed. ‘Oh, Lucien. I’m not even sure if this is…real. You know?’
He shifted further on top of her and nudged one of his legs between her thighs. ‘Reality’s overrated. It’s for people who can’t handle their drugs. Go on, there’s a Travelodge just by Regent’s Park. We could check in there.’
Her hands were inside his jacket, separated from his skin only by a T-shirt’s width of cotton. She could feel the contours of his body against her palms. How many times had she imagined this? Not half as many times as she’d had to force herself not to, because what was the point in wanting something you couldn’t have? And now here she was in situation where she could have it. Have him, Lucien. Was she really going to throw it away? Oh, but then there was Benedict, waiting at home for her, and she’d been so looking forward to seeing him. He wouldn’t easily forgive her if she went off with Lucien instead of spending the morning with him, and she didn’t even know if he’d made it back there okay, now she thought about it. He could have been mugged or anything. And he’d done his first pill tonight too. There really ought to be someone with him. She could just about be excused for the mix up over who was in the van, but it would be unforgiveable if she didn’t get home soon.
She reached up and kissed Lucien slowly on the mouth, then pulled away. ‘I can’t. I want to, but I’ve ditched Benedict and I don’t even know whether he’s okay. She kissed him again. ‘You could call me. Next week.’
Even as she said the words she sensed a barely perceptible shift in his features, the strained quality of lust dissipating and being replaced by his usual easy confidence, the affect of a man who knows that what he wants is there for the taking. The world jolted into focus and in that moment, she knew that he wouldn’t call her next week, or the one after. They weren’t Eva and Lucien, kindred spirits floating on a bed of clouds through a celestial skyscape. They were two drugged-up idiots lying on the cold ground in a public park at six o’clock in the morning. She was the biggest idiot, of course. Lucien was a complete bastard, but there was almost no point in even thinking about that because Lucien was just doing what Lucien did, taking his chances and hoping to get laid. It would be like criticising a scorpion for stinging you. Yes, it wasn’t pleasant, but its sting was on display, so if you picked it up and got stung then you were the idiot. She looked at him. Do I look like that , she wondered, staring at his bloodshot eyes with their wildly dilated pupils. There was a crust of greyish scum gathering at the corners of his mouth and his teeth and gums were stained dark from the red wine they’d drunk at the party, or maybe from the lollipops he’d been handing out at the club all evening.
Lucien sat up and brushed the grass from his clothes and Eva followed suit, grimly picking a piece of chewing gum off her sleeve. The new distance between them, in reality only a few inches, might as well have
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