hands on my hips. Our bodies move in unison to the music. My eyes close of their own accord and I can almost imagine that it’s Ian behind me. When I open them however, reality crashes in and smashes my lovely dream to pieces.
“Lauren, ever since that first time we danced together, I have wanted to do it again.” Tyler whispers seductively into my ear, his breath is hot and heavy. I’m so not ready for any of this right now. I want to dance and that’s all. I have been clear with Tyler from the beginning; well, since he started training me, that I want to be his friend and nothing more. So I don’t respond to his comment and keep dancing.
After a few more songs, I let Tyler know that I need another drink and make my way to the bar. “So what’ll it be?” Tyler shouts at me over the noise.
I just want to let loose. I look mischievously at Tyler, “How about some tequila shots?” He raises his eyebrows at me then with a smirk, hails the bartender.
“Four shots of silver Patron,” he shouts over the music. I watch as the bartender pours our drinks and sets out the salt and lime. The tequila is so cold the glasses are frosting over. Tyler picks up two, handing me one and then holds up his for a toast. “To tonight and getting to dance with you again.” A smile plays at the corners of his mouth before he brings the glass to his lips and downs the tequila. I do the same. The warm burn slides down my throat into my belly. I welcome the feeling, embrace it even. Anything just to feel something other than the hurt. I pick up the other two shots and give him one indicating I have a toast of my own.
“I second your toast and add, to whatever the future may bring.” After drinking down the second shot, we stand there just looking at each other. Suddenly, it seems like the bar has gotten really crowded. Our bodies are pressed up against each other; I feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. There is no space between us.
“Lauren?” Tyler breathes out my name almost like a question before wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me so his lips meet mine. For a brief moment I relish in the heat of his kiss, the feel of his tongue on my lips; then I’m crushed by the reality of the situation. I struggle in his arms, trying to break the kiss and put some space between us.
“Tyler, I’m sorry. I just can’t. I’m not ready.” That seems to be the understatement of the year. “I really am sorry. I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever be ready.” He places me back on the floor. A part of me wants to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back into the kiss, to press my body more tightly up against his. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I just jump into the arms of this wonderful man in front of me? Why do I have to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. But I know that it wouldn’t be fair to either of us for me to do this with Tyler; my heart still firmly belongs to Ian and always will. “I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together. But I love Ian.”
“I won’t pretend to understand, Lauren. I just… I’ve wanted you for so long and then you came looking for me at the gym… He’s been gone for a while now with no contact what so ever. If that’s not a brush off, I have no idea what is. How long are you going to wait?” He’s hurt and angry. My guilt and shame for having allowed things to get this far are smothering me.
And he just asked the million dollar question. How long would I wait? Unfortunately the answer to that question comes all to o easy. “I guess the only way to answer that is with the truth. Truth is I’ll wait forever; however long it takes I’ll be here waiting for him. Whether he wants me anymore or not when he returns is up to him but I’ll be here until he decides and tells me
“Lauren, ever since that first time we danced together, I have wanted to do it again.” Tyler whispers seductively into my ear, his breath is hot and heavy. I’m so not ready for any of this right now. I want to dance and that’s all. I have been clear with Tyler from the beginning; well, since he started training me, that I want to be his friend and nothing more. So I don’t respond to his comment and keep dancing.
After a few more songs, I let Tyler know that I need another drink and make my way to the bar. “So what’ll it be?” Tyler shouts at me over the noise.
I just want to let loose. I look mischievously at Tyler, “How about some tequila shots?” He raises his eyebrows at me then with a smirk, hails the bartender.
“Four shots of silver Patron,” he shouts over the music. I watch as the bartender pours our drinks and sets out the salt and lime. The tequila is so cold the glasses are frosting over. Tyler picks up two, handing me one and then holds up his for a toast. “To tonight and getting to dance with you again.” A smile plays at the corners of his mouth before he brings the glass to his lips and downs the tequila. I do the same. The warm burn slides down my throat into my belly. I welcome the feeling, embrace it even. Anything just to feel something other than the hurt. I pick up the other two shots and give him one indicating I have a toast of my own.
“I second your toast and add, to whatever the future may bring.” After drinking down the second shot, we stand there just looking at each other. Suddenly, it seems like the bar has gotten really crowded. Our bodies are pressed up against each other; I feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. There is no space between us.
“Lauren?” Tyler breathes out my name almost like a question before wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me so his lips meet mine. For a brief moment I relish in the heat of his kiss, the feel of his tongue on my lips; then I’m crushed by the reality of the situation. I struggle in his arms, trying to break the kiss and put some space between us.
“Tyler, I’m sorry. I just can’t. I’m not ready.” That seems to be the understatement of the year. “I really am sorry. I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever be ready.” He places me back on the floor. A part of me wants to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back into the kiss, to press my body more tightly up against his. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I just jump into the arms of this wonderful man in front of me? Why do I have to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. But I know that it wouldn’t be fair to either of us for me to do this with Tyler; my heart still firmly belongs to Ian and always will. “I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together. But I love Ian.”
“I won’t pretend to understand, Lauren. I just… I’ve wanted you for so long and then you came looking for me at the gym… He’s been gone for a while now with no contact what so ever. If that’s not a brush off, I have no idea what is. How long are you going to wait?” He’s hurt and angry. My guilt and shame for having allowed things to get this far are smothering me.
And he just asked the million dollar question. How long would I wait? Unfortunately the answer to that question comes all to o easy. “I guess the only way to answer that is with the truth. Truth is I’ll wait forever; however long it takes I’ll be here waiting for him. Whether he wants me anymore or not when he returns is up to him but I’ll be here until he decides and tells me
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