Read Online Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) by Norma Jeanne Karlsson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Norma Jeanne Karlsson
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soul, a partner and a man that would like to be a father because in this hypothetical world I’m creating at the moment I get to have kids.” I offer a slight shrug when I finish.
“Would he be a pussy?”
“What?” I ask horrified and annoyed at being abruptly pulled from the perfect vision I had just produced in my head.
“Your man…would he be a pussy?”
“No,” I scoff at the idea. I could never be with a pussy.
“Would he be at your back in a crisis or standing in front of you, shielding you as best he could?”
“My front.”
“Would be weak and let people walk all over him?”
“No.”
“Would he speak his mind and be honest at every turn?”
“Yes.”
“Would he make decisions, difficult or not, with his family’s best interest in mind?”
“Yes.”
“Would he allow his family to act in any way that would endanger them?”
“No.”
“Would he love and cherish them even in the moments where tough decisions were made and crises were dealt with?”
“Yes.”
“Would you call this man controlling?”
“No.”
“I’m not controlling, Sunshine. I’m a man doin’ all the things I just said and more. Get that.”
“Nick—”
He cuts me off with a finger.
“Controlling men tell their women what to wear, what to eat, where to be, how to live, how to breathe, and how to serve their men. I’m not that. I will never be that. I detest men like that. I am a man though, Kat. I’m the head of this family and comfortable with what that role requires. You’ve spent your adult life without the ability to count on someone offering you that support. I’m here to do that so allow yourself that comfort if just for a while. You deserve that man you created. You deserve to be a mother if that’s what you want. Don’t buy into the company line that you only get to choose one spot. You’re a field agent now, but that can change to grow with your life. You’re permitted a life beyond the DCA,” he finishes softly.
“You’re a complete and total mindfuck,” I huff flopping back in my chair.
“Sorry?”
“Every time I think I’ve got you pegged you flip the script. I have no clue what to make of you. You can be a monumental ass that’s infuriating and exhausting to live with. You can also be the kindest gentlest person to share a space with. What the fuck is up with that?”
He offers me a sly smile and a wink, no response though.
“What do you want in a woman?” I turn the tables on him.
“I want a woman that can take care of herself with ease and allows me to take care of the rest. A woman that needs for nothing and wants for the things that only I can give her. A woman that’s happy in sweats and no make-up because that’s how she looks the best in my eyes. I want soft and gentle to even out my rough and harsh. I want as many kids as she’ll allow herself to give me. Proud, confident, high self-esteem, a friend, an equal and above all…mine.”
“I hope you find her someday. She’s sounds like a good woman,” I say softly.
“I already found her but it wasn’t meant to be,” he responds staring into his empty mug.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I reach my hand out and wrap my fingers around his trying to convey I’m truly sorry because his face looks wounded at the mention.
“I never had a shot because someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like her. I’m tryin’ to shed the skin of the monster I was, but that shit’ll always follow me. She deserves a world untouched by that because she’s had her own brand of awful enough in life. She also found a man that’s capable of loving her in a way I’m not certain I possess. She’s better off without me and that fuckin’ sucks. She’s still my best friend in this world and I would do anything for her…she’d do the same for me,” he whispers looking up into my face with sad eyes that I know aren’t his natural color.
I noticed the other night that he wears colored contacts, but I haven’t
“Would he be a pussy?”
“What?” I ask horrified and annoyed at being abruptly pulled from the perfect vision I had just produced in my head.
“Your man…would he be a pussy?”
“No,” I scoff at the idea. I could never be with a pussy.
“Would he be at your back in a crisis or standing in front of you, shielding you as best he could?”
“My front.”
“Would be weak and let people walk all over him?”
“No.”
“Would he speak his mind and be honest at every turn?”
“Yes.”
“Would he make decisions, difficult or not, with his family’s best interest in mind?”
“Yes.”
“Would he allow his family to act in any way that would endanger them?”
“No.”
“Would he love and cherish them even in the moments where tough decisions were made and crises were dealt with?”
“Yes.”
“Would you call this man controlling?”
“No.”
“I’m not controlling, Sunshine. I’m a man doin’ all the things I just said and more. Get that.”
“Nick—”
He cuts me off with a finger.
“Controlling men tell their women what to wear, what to eat, where to be, how to live, how to breathe, and how to serve their men. I’m not that. I will never be that. I detest men like that. I am a man though, Kat. I’m the head of this family and comfortable with what that role requires. You’ve spent your adult life without the ability to count on someone offering you that support. I’m here to do that so allow yourself that comfort if just for a while. You deserve that man you created. You deserve to be a mother if that’s what you want. Don’t buy into the company line that you only get to choose one spot. You’re a field agent now, but that can change to grow with your life. You’re permitted a life beyond the DCA,” he finishes softly.
“You’re a complete and total mindfuck,” I huff flopping back in my chair.
“Sorry?”
“Every time I think I’ve got you pegged you flip the script. I have no clue what to make of you. You can be a monumental ass that’s infuriating and exhausting to live with. You can also be the kindest gentlest person to share a space with. What the fuck is up with that?”
He offers me a sly smile and a wink, no response though.
“What do you want in a woman?” I turn the tables on him.
“I want a woman that can take care of herself with ease and allows me to take care of the rest. A woman that needs for nothing and wants for the things that only I can give her. A woman that’s happy in sweats and no make-up because that’s how she looks the best in my eyes. I want soft and gentle to even out my rough and harsh. I want as many kids as she’ll allow herself to give me. Proud, confident, high self-esteem, a friend, an equal and above all…mine.”
“I hope you find her someday. She’s sounds like a good woman,” I say softly.
“I already found her but it wasn’t meant to be,” he responds staring into his empty mug.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I reach my hand out and wrap my fingers around his trying to convey I’m truly sorry because his face looks wounded at the mention.
“I never had a shot because someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like her. I’m tryin’ to shed the skin of the monster I was, but that shit’ll always follow me. She deserves a world untouched by that because she’s had her own brand of awful enough in life. She also found a man that’s capable of loving her in a way I’m not certain I possess. She’s better off without me and that fuckin’ sucks. She’s still my best friend in this world and I would do anything for her…she’d do the same for me,” he whispers looking up into my face with sad eyes that I know aren’t his natural color.
I noticed the other night that he wears colored contacts, but I haven’t
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