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ourselves at them, beating our fists on their armored chests.
    “Let us by!”
    “By order of the pope, I command you to step aside!” I scream.
    They don’t budge.
    “Alfonso!” Sancia shrieks.
    The door opens, and Don Michelotto walks out, putting his gloves on. “He’s dead.”
    “Aaaahhahhh!” I rip at him.
    His guards pull me off him as Sancia runs into the room.
    Her high-pitched scream makes my heart bleed as I realize what undoubtedly has just taken place.
    I drop to the floor, and Michelotto says, “Leave her.”
    I sob on the ground and then pull myself up to see Sancia draped across Alfonso’s still body. I sweep the covers up to hide the purple marks around his neck and fall on top of him, both lamenting at our great mistake.
    “Brother!” she weeps over and over again.
    “Husband!” I wail, as if we can undo time.

Chapter 10
    As soon as the prisoners are released, Sancia readies to take Alfonso’s body with her uncle.
    “I hate to leave you here, Lucrezia.”
    “I can’t leave. I’m now the property of my father again. He’s forbidden me to go to his enemy.”
    “I have to leave. I can’t stay one more day here, or I’ll kill Cesare myself.”
    She gives me a kiss. “You must write me every day and visit when you can break away.”
    “Leave a rose for me on his tomb.”
    I start sobbing again and keep crying for hours in the dark room after she leaves. Knowing his body’s taken from me where I can’t go rips me in two. I know Father will look to marry me again, and that will mean I can’t be laid to rest beside Alfonso, ever.
    I don’t eat for three weeks and only sleep or weep. I won’t get dressed or see Rodrigo. I pray for death to come every night, but every morning, my eyes open yet again.
    Father comes in and draws the curtains.
    I protest, “Leave them closed.”
    “It’s time for you to get out of bed, Lucrezia.”
    He sits beside me, making the mattress sag toward his weight.
    “I’ll come out when I hear Cesare and Michelotto have been convicted of murder.”
    “I too was furious and surprised at Cesare’s aggressive action, but he’s spoken to me and told me of how Alfonso sent his men to kill him in the courtyard. It’s only fair if he should seek revenge.”
    I begin crying again. “Leave me.”
    “Everyone’s talking about your absence from court since Alfonso’s death, and it taints the Borgia name—”
    “I taint the Borgia name!” I sit up furiously in bed. “You and Cesare have destroyed the Borgia name! Everyone fears it, shakes at its mention, and you dare say I’m responsible for that!”
    “It’s outbursts such as this that make me worry about your sanity. I’ll forgive you in this instance for your dishonor, but if you proceed to spew such venom for your brother and me, I’ll be forced to send you away so that no one can witness it.”
    With that, he gets up to leave, and in a week, I’m sent off to grieve in the town of Nepi with Rodrigo. I dress head to toe in black and dress my whole envoy in black to show my grief to all who pass. Cesare comes daily to try to talk to me. I turn him away every day. I laugh, though, when I see him come armed with a hundred guards in full armor like he’s in jeopardy in my presence. I isolate myself and go for walks alone. Any time I can gather the energy, I have Rodrigo come in and to see how fast he’s growing. He looks more and more like Alfonso every day. I’ll hold him back in my arms, gaze into his sparkling black eyes, and tickle him up to the two little moles on his jaw as he laughs so deeply he turns red. Only Rodrigo can make me laugh, but I feel unwell so frequently that it can be days before I see him again. I fear I will never function again.
    I live for Rodrigo and for Sancia’s letters. Only she knows what a life without Alfonso feels like.
Sweet Sister,
I too am still mourning Alfonso’s loss. Every day I think of him and cry inside. The tragedy of his last moments still sends