Read Online Inappropriate Behavior: Stories by Murray Farish - Free Book Online

two in the morning.

    Song for Jodie #156 (a ballad)
    Come live with me and be my love
    Come live with me and be my love
    Babe———————————
    Come live with me and be my love
    Without you I can’t seem to move
    There’s more in me than you can ever see from where you are
    So come and live with me and be my love

    My brother sends me out armed with literature. Fliers and bumper stickers in a milk crate at my feet. The candidate’s face on a sign. He grins. He has Lubbock on his mind. From Lubbock,For Lubbock. I stand at the corner of Broadway and Tenth, near Sneed Hall, holding my sign, armed with my literature that I keep in a milk crate at my feet. If anyone comes up and asks questions about the candidate, I’m supposed to be polite and give them some literature. I’ll work anytime, anywhere. The city’s motto is: Lubbock!

    Spoonbenders and other psychic phenomena. Christopher Marlowe was a spy. Clive asks why haven’t I paid the phone bill. Clive says he distinctly remembers telling me to pick up some paprika and Marlboros. Clive is writing a treatise on human consumption of natural resources. Clive knows about Allison.
    Today I saw her leaving her biochemistry class. I was standing on the corner of Broadway and Tenth with my sign for the candidate and my milk crate full of literature and bumper stickers. The following experience occurred:
    A lady comes up to me at the corner. A lady who is probably fifty years old, and dry. She asks me why she should vote for the candidate. She’s wearing pants. Black polyester pants tight on her dry hips and flared out around her legs. And a white shiny shirt with ruffles. What does he stand for? she says. In the case of this experience occurring, I have been instructed by my brother, director of campaign operations, to say the following eight things:
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  1)     The candidate believes in America first.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  2)     The candidate believes in lower taxes.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  3)     The candidate believes in God.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  4)     The candidate won’t raise your taxes, like the other guy.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  5)     The candidate understands Lubbock.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  6)     The candidate puts Lubbock first.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  7)     The candidate thinks it’s high time we took this country back.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  8)     The candidate asks for your vote for the House of Representatives.
    Then I’m supposed to give her some of the literature I have in my milk crate.
    But when the Dry Lady asks me, I can’t think of any of these things. It’s all in the flier, I say. I hold out a flier, but not a bumper sticker. Bumper stickers are more expensive and should only be given to those who specifically request them, number one, and number two, my brother says, I’m supposed to get some kind of feel for the people who specifically request bumper stickers, to try to gauge how firmly they support the candidate and how likely they are to actually go out on Election Day and vote. He says there are lots of people who just want to take a bumper sticker and then not do anything about it, not even put it on their car. Why, I don’t know, he says, but it’s true. People just like to get things of value, however small, as they’re walking around town. Especially college students. Which is why we don’t want to give out bumper stickers to just anyone and everyone.
    Here’s what I think, the Dry Lady says. I think you don’t know what he stands for. I think he doesn’t stand for anything. I think if he stood for something you’d be able to tell me straight