Read Online In Too Deep by Michelle Kemper Brownlow - Free Book Online Page B

I would survive this or not. But as of now, it was a slow, painful struggle, and I felt every sensation with a magnitude that threatened to wreck me.

    After class, I walked home alone, thinking that is how I was meant to be. Wrecked.

Nine

    When I opened the door to our apartment, I breathed some semblance of joy. I didn’t think anything could make me happy, but something did. Jake, Sam, Stacy, and Becki were sitting at the kitchen table having what looked like their own private sandwich buffet. Becki was a friend Stacy and I knew from Martin Campus. She transferred when we did, but still lived in the dorms. There was a place set for me, complete with an open Rolling Rock. These four were my lifeline. They were the only reason I was upright.
    Before I had a chance to drop my backpack, they were up, standing in a line, waiting their turn to hug me. One by one, their hope for healing filled me temporarily by osmosis.
    “We can’t have a party without some tunes,” Sam yelled as he ran to his iPod already plugged into our speaker dock. “There’s nothing a little Pearl Jam can’t fix.” He winked at me when he hit play. Sam and I shared an obsession with Pearl Jam. We knew every lyric to every song. We had long conversations about our thoughts on the underlying meanings behind songs like “Deep,” “Corduroy” and “State of Love and Trust.” A calm resonated through me when the first notes of “Amongst the Waves” poured out of the speakers. Music was my drug. It was as close to a high as I imagined I could get at that moment. I smiled at Sam and blew him a kiss for knowing exactly what I needed to drown out the ache in my heart. Funny how music connected the dots between me and the men in my life.
    As I walked over to the table, Jake looked up and patted the seat next to him. “Right here, beautiful.”
    Sometimes his words melted me.
    All four of them skipped their afternoon classes and we just hung out. We danced and sang like idiots and laughed until our sides were splitting. Jake and Sam were trying to outdo each other telling Stacy, Becki, and I about all the shenanigans that went on in their dorm freshman year. Every now and then, a story would include Noah, and their voices would get quiet. I could see their brains backpedaling to change to a story that didn’t include him.
    The day turned to night, and we finished our lunch leftovers for dinner. Soon Stacy was locked in the bedroom studying and Becki left for work.
    “You sure you’ll be okay?” Jake rubbed my arm as we stood by the door.
    Sam walked over pointing to his iPod. “You want Eddie here with you?”
    “Thanks, Sam, but I’ve got tons of Pearl Jam on my iPod.”
    “No, I meant the real Eddie Vedder…I know people…” Sam’s biggest shtick was his claim he had unbelievable connections with celebrities. He could fit it into most conversations, and he always got the reaction he was going for—all of us in stitches.
    “Even though Eddie Vedder is probably the only person who could take my mind off the last couple days, I need to turn off all my distractions and get some work done.”
    “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t offer.” He winked
    One more big hug and a peck on the cheek from both Jake and Sam was just what I needed to get me through to bedtime.
    Jake turned before he shut the door behind him. “We are right upstairs. You need anything , you come get one of us. Okay?” Sam nodded in agreement and they both gave me another quick peck on the cheek.
    I smiled.
    “Okay?”
    “Yes. Yes. Okay. Now go study!” The last thing I needed on my plate was worrying about their grades as they tried to nurse me back to whole. They couldn’t fail out. I would never make it without them.
    Stacy and I laid in our beds in the dark and talked until the wee hours of the morning. She played a great Devil’s advocate. Sometimes it pissed me off, but sometimes it helped me to see things from someone else’s point of view; a view that