Read Online Impulse by Ellen Hopkins - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Ellen Hopkins
Tags: Fiction, General, Family, Juvenile Fiction, Psychology, Suicide, Social Issues, Interpersonal relations, Psychiatric hospitals, Friendship, Parents, Values & Virtues, Mental Illness, Self-Esteem & Self-Reliance, Diseases, Health & Daily Living, Depression & Mental Illness, Novels in Verse, Illnesses & Injuries
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the mall, movies, sometimes, always well supervised. You also get to go home for weekend visits."
Maybe I ' ll just skip Level Three, Conner comments. Level Four? "That's the wilderness camp--Challenge by Choice, they call it."
Vanessa chimes in, If you complete the Challenge, you get Level Five. "And that," I add, "is when they let you out of here for good." 211
216
Sounds like it would be easier to wait it out until I turn eighteen, Conner observes. Not so long, only six months, two weeks, three days.
Speak for yourself says Vanessa. It ' s eleven months until my birthday. And I don ' t plan to celebrate that party in here! I ' ll be out long before then.
"They'll probably kick me out next week," I say. "I gave my dad hell yesterday, and he's footing the bill. 'Course, I've got his guilt train steaming real good." 212
217
Time to Vacate
The room, so they can turn it back into a place to eat lunch. I volunteer to help. Nothing better to do than fold down tables, set chairs around them.
Conner has apparently digested our recent conversation, because he volunteers to help too. Anything extra you do goes in the "plus column."
Vanessa doesn't dare. Someone might notice the seep on her wrist. Someone less discreet than Conner or me. We watch her hustle off.
"That girl is something special," I say. "Wonder what her story is.,' 213
218
Other than cutting herself you mean? The why behind the blade?
"Exactly. She seems so grounded, compared to other losers in here." I might say the same about you. But you tried to off yourself too. Didn ' t you?
"Yep. Failed miserably, too. Some things take practice. Suicide, for one." Conner laughs. You ' re right. And who knew? Next time I ' ll be more
careful. 214
219
All This Talk
About reaching levels and getting out of this place makes me want to put myself on a fast track to freedom. I guess that means opening up in group, succeeding in school, which I started again last week, hopeful I might catch up after missing so much.
I hadn't even cracked a book in over a month. Magazines, yes. Plenty of those in the hospital, and I've borrowed a Cosmo or two from my pal Dahlia. Pretty tame stuff, for her. Hustler is more her style.
I've seen a couple of those, thanks to darling Trevor, who five-finger-discounted them from the local liquor store. 215
220
I can't believe women would let themselves be photographed like that! Nothing "artsy" about fake rape scenes or lying naked with a dog. It's pure nasty. And all for money.
I'm not sure what I want to do for money when it's up to me to make it. Not sure what I can do, bouncing white to blue. But I don't plan to use my body to make it. I plan to use my bipolar brain. 216
221
Monday Morning
Up early, shower, breakfast at seven thirty. Not so different from living at home, except none of it is by choice, everything choreographed, right down to the soap we use, the toothpaste we're allowed, the exact amount of eggs on our plates.
It's easy, really. Easy and frustrating.
Classes, remedial for many here, start at nine. Lucky me. The month off didn't put me too far behind, which means I get to be with the advanced group, and that includes Tony.
He's book smart. Street smart.
I never knew for sure the two
could go together, but they're
intertwined, inside of him. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. My first gay friend. 217
222
I've never really had much in the way of friends before. A few little girlfriends, army brats all, and tough to keep when you change bases like clothes. But I'm pretty much stuck here for a while. A friend seems like a good thing to have, and I think I have two.
Tony. And Conner. Cute. And devastating. A daunting duo. 218
223
They're Both in Class
Of course Conner would be in the advanced class. He's college prep all the way. Maybe he can tutor me in the fine art of finesse. Girls sit on one side of the classroom, guys on the other, in alphabetical order. Easier to keep track of. Guess
Maybe I ' ll just skip Level Three, Conner comments. Level Four? "That's the wilderness camp--Challenge by Choice, they call it."
Vanessa chimes in, If you complete the Challenge, you get Level Five. "And that," I add, "is when they let you out of here for good." 211
216
Sounds like it would be easier to wait it out until I turn eighteen, Conner observes. Not so long, only six months, two weeks, three days.
Speak for yourself says Vanessa. It ' s eleven months until my birthday. And I don ' t plan to celebrate that party in here! I ' ll be out long before then.
"They'll probably kick me out next week," I say. "I gave my dad hell yesterday, and he's footing the bill. 'Course, I've got his guilt train steaming real good." 212
217
Time to Vacate
The room, so they can turn it back into a place to eat lunch. I volunteer to help. Nothing better to do than fold down tables, set chairs around them.
Conner has apparently digested our recent conversation, because he volunteers to help too. Anything extra you do goes in the "plus column."
Vanessa doesn't dare. Someone might notice the seep on her wrist. Someone less discreet than Conner or me. We watch her hustle off.
"That girl is something special," I say. "Wonder what her story is.,' 213
218
Other than cutting herself you mean? The why behind the blade?
"Exactly. She seems so grounded, compared to other losers in here." I might say the same about you. But you tried to off yourself too. Didn ' t you?
"Yep. Failed miserably, too. Some things take practice. Suicide, for one." Conner laughs. You ' re right. And who knew? Next time I ' ll be more
careful. 214
219
All This Talk
About reaching levels and getting out of this place makes me want to put myself on a fast track to freedom. I guess that means opening up in group, succeeding in school, which I started again last week, hopeful I might catch up after missing so much.
I hadn't even cracked a book in over a month. Magazines, yes. Plenty of those in the hospital, and I've borrowed a Cosmo or two from my pal Dahlia. Pretty tame stuff, for her. Hustler is more her style.
I've seen a couple of those, thanks to darling Trevor, who five-finger-discounted them from the local liquor store. 215
220
I can't believe women would let themselves be photographed like that! Nothing "artsy" about fake rape scenes or lying naked with a dog. It's pure nasty. And all for money.
I'm not sure what I want to do for money when it's up to me to make it. Not sure what I can do, bouncing white to blue. But I don't plan to use my body to make it. I plan to use my bipolar brain. 216
221
Monday Morning
Up early, shower, breakfast at seven thirty. Not so different from living at home, except none of it is by choice, everything choreographed, right down to the soap we use, the toothpaste we're allowed, the exact amount of eggs on our plates.
It's easy, really. Easy and frustrating.
Classes, remedial for many here, start at nine. Lucky me. The month off didn't put me too far behind, which means I get to be with the advanced group, and that includes Tony.
He's book smart. Street smart.
I never knew for sure the two
could go together, but they're
intertwined, inside of him. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. My first gay friend. 217
222
I've never really had much in the way of friends before. A few little girlfriends, army brats all, and tough to keep when you change bases like clothes. But I'm pretty much stuck here for a while. A friend seems like a good thing to have, and I think I have two.
Tony. And Conner. Cute. And devastating. A daunting duo. 218
223
They're Both in Class
Of course Conner would be in the advanced class. He's college prep all the way. Maybe he can tutor me in the fine art of finesse. Girls sit on one side of the classroom, guys on the other, in alphabetical order. Easier to keep track of. Guess
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