Read Online Impossible Vacation by Spalding Gray - Free Book Online
Authors: Spalding Gray
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and there’s no moon tonight.”
I was amazed at how quickly the sun had gone down. We were indeed lost. We were lost in the dark. If there was a path back to the road we had no idea where it was. Then Joe, who seemed more in control, asked these crazy hippies if they knew the way out of the woods. They seemed ready for a great adventure and cried out, “Follow us.” They had a couple of kerosene camping lamps that they held high over their pale-blue demonlike faces as they led us into the thick of it. Every so often one would take a little hatchet and stoop and begin to hack at a tree root and scream, “Die! Die! There, it’s dead! That’s the fifth poisonous snake I’ve killed tonight!” But I only saw the snakes they hacked as tree roots and was never sure what they were seeing or if they were just trying to scare us. The funny thing was that in spite of all their mad antics I trusted them completely to lead us out onto the road. As we walked, Joe kept whispering to me in my ear, “Let the little children lead you. Let the little children lead you.”
At times the woods turned into a gigantic jungle tangle and at other times it seemed like we were on some sort of path, until at last we were miraculously on the edge of the highway somewhere near where we had left Joe’s truck. As soon as we got onto the road, the hippies left us as they laughed and sang, “We are the happy wanderers …” and they staggered on down the road swinging their lanterns like a band of happy gypsies, all disappearing into the night as magically as they had come out of it.
Relieved to be on the solid asphalt, I walked into the middle of the road and looked up and gazed upon that gigantic night sky. I was seeing the night sky for the first time in my life. I just plain
saw
it, just saw it directly without any mediation of thought or comment. I saw the stars for the first time and they were just
stars
. There was no word for them in my mind. I saw it all not as hallucination but so clearly and powerfully and directly that it brought me to my hands and knees right there in the middle of the road. I could feel the warm asphalt still radiating the heat of the day, like it was a warm body under me. I lay down and clung to it with all my might. When I rolled overand looked at the sky again I was amazed not to be looking up; I now had the sensation of looking
out
. I could feel the complete roundness of the earth and I knew I was looking out into the universe. This view of the stars as “out” lasted for some time, and was always on the edge of being unbearable. It was awful, in the sense of inspiring awe. There was no longer any room for fear. It was all just one big AWE.
When I stood up I saw that Joe too was looking at the stars, and I went over and hugged him and his whole body felt like a great warm loving bear as I wondered how I would ever live my life after this trip into the mountains.
“Shall we head down?” Joe asked.
“Oh my God, whatever. Let’s go get a beer or whatever, I don’t care.” I felt no need for anything. My body was in total harmonious motion as we sauntered to Joe’s pickup truck and got in. It never occurred to me that Joe might not be able to drive. All things seemed possible. Why, we could even fly down to town if we chose. Joe made a U-turn and we started toward town. Not far down the road we came to a spectacular turnout, one of those scenic overlooks, and he pulled in to let me out while he sat in the truck and waited. I walked to the edge of the lookout and there below me the whole Hudson Valley was stretched out with its scattered streetlights and farmhouses, and New Paltz sparkled like a gem in the distance. Looking down on it all, I could see that it was breathing—the entire Hudson Valley was breathing, and not only the entire valley, the entire earth, and my breath was in union with it, or its breath was in union with mine, I couldn’t tell. The waving swell of my diaphragm was also the
I was amazed at how quickly the sun had gone down. We were indeed lost. We were lost in the dark. If there was a path back to the road we had no idea where it was. Then Joe, who seemed more in control, asked these crazy hippies if they knew the way out of the woods. They seemed ready for a great adventure and cried out, “Follow us.” They had a couple of kerosene camping lamps that they held high over their pale-blue demonlike faces as they led us into the thick of it. Every so often one would take a little hatchet and stoop and begin to hack at a tree root and scream, “Die! Die! There, it’s dead! That’s the fifth poisonous snake I’ve killed tonight!” But I only saw the snakes they hacked as tree roots and was never sure what they were seeing or if they were just trying to scare us. The funny thing was that in spite of all their mad antics I trusted them completely to lead us out onto the road. As we walked, Joe kept whispering to me in my ear, “Let the little children lead you. Let the little children lead you.”
At times the woods turned into a gigantic jungle tangle and at other times it seemed like we were on some sort of path, until at last we were miraculously on the edge of the highway somewhere near where we had left Joe’s truck. As soon as we got onto the road, the hippies left us as they laughed and sang, “We are the happy wanderers …” and they staggered on down the road swinging their lanterns like a band of happy gypsies, all disappearing into the night as magically as they had come out of it.
Relieved to be on the solid asphalt, I walked into the middle of the road and looked up and gazed upon that gigantic night sky. I was seeing the night sky for the first time in my life. I just plain
saw
it, just saw it directly without any mediation of thought or comment. I saw the stars for the first time and they were just
stars
. There was no word for them in my mind. I saw it all not as hallucination but so clearly and powerfully and directly that it brought me to my hands and knees right there in the middle of the road. I could feel the warm asphalt still radiating the heat of the day, like it was a warm body under me. I lay down and clung to it with all my might. When I rolled overand looked at the sky again I was amazed not to be looking up; I now had the sensation of looking
out
. I could feel the complete roundness of the earth and I knew I was looking out into the universe. This view of the stars as “out” lasted for some time, and was always on the edge of being unbearable. It was awful, in the sense of inspiring awe. There was no longer any room for fear. It was all just one big AWE.
When I stood up I saw that Joe too was looking at the stars, and I went over and hugged him and his whole body felt like a great warm loving bear as I wondered how I would ever live my life after this trip into the mountains.
“Shall we head down?” Joe asked.
“Oh my God, whatever. Let’s go get a beer or whatever, I don’t care.” I felt no need for anything. My body was in total harmonious motion as we sauntered to Joe’s pickup truck and got in. It never occurred to me that Joe might not be able to drive. All things seemed possible. Why, we could even fly down to town if we chose. Joe made a U-turn and we started toward town. Not far down the road we came to a spectacular turnout, one of those scenic overlooks, and he pulled in to let me out while he sat in the truck and waited. I walked to the edge of the lookout and there below me the whole Hudson Valley was stretched out with its scattered streetlights and farmhouses, and New Paltz sparkled like a gem in the distance. Looking down on it all, I could see that it was breathing—the entire Hudson Valley was breathing, and not only the entire valley, the entire earth, and my breath was in union with it, or its breath was in union with mine, I couldn’t tell. The waving swell of my diaphragm was also the
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