my last year in college. I went through the treatments and in the end, I was cancer free. Well I thought. It came back, around a year after my last treatment, and the doctor ended up having to give me a partial hysterectomy, which results in me never being able to carry a baby."
I swallow at the thought. It's a painful thought. Normally in this part of the story, I would break down in hysterics. Not even a tear falls, not because I'm not sad but the medication I was put on prevents me from being able to cry. It's kind of relieving. I can actually tell my story, my painful story, without being a sobbing mess. Even if a few tears now and again are a little therapeutic, I'd rather not right now.
Noticing my pain though, Harvey places his hand over mine. He does all these little sweet gestures that makes me feel just a tiny bit better. His comfort and understanding is the only thing preventing me from having a panic attack right now.
"It doesn't mean you can't have kids," he says in a near whisper.
"I know. We talked about adopting but things changed."
"Okay." He allows me to continue at my own pace.
Another deep breath and I'm ready to continue. "We decided to put money away for the adoption we were planning. So instead of buying a home, we rented a one bedroom apartment, we both got jobs right out of college. Mine was in the field I studied, but not Kirt." I pause, realizing he didn't know his name. "That was my ex's name." He nods, understanding it before I had explained it.
"Anyways,” I shake my head, “we both worked hard, put the wedding on the back burner, and did our best. We had one interview with the adoption agency, but they told us they'd prefer we had a little more in savings, a larger home, and preferably married. That is when Kirt decided that him joining the military was in our best interest."
I shake my head remembering that conversation all too well.
Sitting at the kitchen table, I sort through coupons, getting ready for a trip to the grocery store. The screen door screeches open and I turn to spot a very mischievous looking Kirt.
"Oh God, what have you gone and done now?"
He walks over and wraps his arms around me from behind, laying a kiss on the top of my head. He grabs at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm eating, taking a bite before telling me what crazy thing he has done. "I've found the perfect solution."
"Solution? Solution for what?"
He sits in the chair next to me, turning it so he can face me. He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, grabbing at my hands. He is incredibly excited and I'm getting more and more anxious to know what exactly what he has been up to.
"For everything. More income, more stability, a better home, the wedding you deserve. We can have it all."
My eyes widen, unsure if I should be ecstatic or scared as hell. "You need to hurry up and tell me your crazy scheme."
He laughs at me and gives my hand a kiss before placing our hands back in his lap. "I just met with a recruiter. You're going to have yourself a solider, babe."
"Y-you w-what?" I stutter. I can feel my face pale.
"Come on, baby, be supportive of me. This is for us, I promise you."
"This isn't for us," I say, shaking my head. I pull my hands away and nervously play with the ends of my hair, incredibly fearful about what he is saying. "There is a war going on, Kirt. You can't do this, not to me, not to us." A sob leaves my mouth and I don't try to hide it. I'm furious and scared.
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