Read Online I Survived Seattle by J.K. Hogan - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: J.K. Hogan
Tags: Gay Mainstream
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focused on deep breathing, stared out the front window to watch the city pass by.
It was a slippery slope, because he felt better if he knew he was moving toward something, but motion-sickness often accompanied the anxiety, so he couldn’t look out the side windows.
He snuck a glance at Nic out of the corner of his eye. Nic was looking out of his own window, relaxed and paying Justice no mind. Not great for a date, but perfect for a panic attack.
Justice recognized the marina as the cab pulled in, and his heart kicked into overdrive. Soon they’d no longer be moving. The attention would be on him again. Nic would expect him to be somewhat sociable or, at the very least, functional.
The cab came to a stop and Nic paid the man. Justice was too freaked out to bother to offer. In a gesture that should have been romantic, Nic came around and opened Justice’s door for him. However, to Justice, it was pressure. It was focus. His vision swam, and he prayed he didn’t pass out when he stood up.
Once he was out of the cab, he swayed on his feet and had to lean against Nic. How fucking embarrassing. Nic just smiled and put his arm around his shoulders, as if he thought Justice had done it on purpose.
He wished. As it was, the longer he tried to hide his condition from Nic, the more pressure he felt, which caused him to panic more. It was a vicious, bitchy, circular cycle.
By the time they reached the San Valentino ’s berth, Justice was hyperventilating, but trying to do it quietly. He knew he’d failed at hiding it when he felt Nic tense beside him. Justice forced himself to meet his eyes, and he saw nothing but concern.
“You okay? You’re not having second thoughts are you?” Nic repeated Justice’s earlier words.
“Um…huh? No. No.” He couldn’t stop the babbling, it was another thing that happened during the attacks. “Um, I just. It’s kind of hot and…I’m not feeling all that well…” He was about to ask Nic to call him a cab home, but there was still enough of the longing there to make him not want to end their night. Time to suck it up, big boy . “Could…could I just have a glass of water? I think I should sit down.”
“Yeah, sure. C’mon, let’s get up on deck and I’ll get you set up.” He took Justice’s hand and led him to the stepladder. His hand was warm and calloused, and even in his current state, Justice couldn’t help but want to feel them on other parts of his skin.
Nic climbed the stepladder first, in case he needed to help pull Justice up. Justice reached out to him from the second step with what tried to be a smile but was more like a wince. “Thanks.”
“All aboard,” Nic said, giving him another drop dead smile.
* * * *
Nic was worried. Justice was fine when they got in the car. After they chatted for a bit, Nic had zoned out until they got to the marina. Justice had gotten a little cuddly when they were walking from the cab to the boat slip. But Nic heard labored breathing beside him, so he stopped to take a good look at Justice.
The kid was absolutely deathly, pure Egyptian cotton, pasty white. His skin was clammy. The hair at his temples was wet, and his eyes were as large as Kennedy half-dollars.
The captain’s quarters were behind the galley, so Nic snagged an ice-cold bottle of water from the fridge, then led Justice back to his room. His room was fairly large and well-appointed, considering it was on a boat. There was even a king-sized bed —though it was made by combining two twins.
He had a couple of armchairs, one of which he assumed Justice would use. But instead, he paced. And panted. And paced some more. Finally, he took a small, circular pill divider out of his pocket. Shaking one out, he tossed it back dry before chugging a mouthful of water. And then he paced some more.
“Um…don’t you want to sit down?” Nic asked, feeling lost and just a little insecure. Had he done something wrong?
Justice was visibly trembling. “No, I…I just
It was a slippery slope, because he felt better if he knew he was moving toward something, but motion-sickness often accompanied the anxiety, so he couldn’t look out the side windows.
He snuck a glance at Nic out of the corner of his eye. Nic was looking out of his own window, relaxed and paying Justice no mind. Not great for a date, but perfect for a panic attack.
Justice recognized the marina as the cab pulled in, and his heart kicked into overdrive. Soon they’d no longer be moving. The attention would be on him again. Nic would expect him to be somewhat sociable or, at the very least, functional.
The cab came to a stop and Nic paid the man. Justice was too freaked out to bother to offer. In a gesture that should have been romantic, Nic came around and opened Justice’s door for him. However, to Justice, it was pressure. It was focus. His vision swam, and he prayed he didn’t pass out when he stood up.
Once he was out of the cab, he swayed on his feet and had to lean against Nic. How fucking embarrassing. Nic just smiled and put his arm around his shoulders, as if he thought Justice had done it on purpose.
He wished. As it was, the longer he tried to hide his condition from Nic, the more pressure he felt, which caused him to panic more. It was a vicious, bitchy, circular cycle.
By the time they reached the San Valentino ’s berth, Justice was hyperventilating, but trying to do it quietly. He knew he’d failed at hiding it when he felt Nic tense beside him. Justice forced himself to meet his eyes, and he saw nothing but concern.
“You okay? You’re not having second thoughts are you?” Nic repeated Justice’s earlier words.
“Um…huh? No. No.” He couldn’t stop the babbling, it was another thing that happened during the attacks. “Um, I just. It’s kind of hot and…I’m not feeling all that well…” He was about to ask Nic to call him a cab home, but there was still enough of the longing there to make him not want to end their night. Time to suck it up, big boy . “Could…could I just have a glass of water? I think I should sit down.”
“Yeah, sure. C’mon, let’s get up on deck and I’ll get you set up.” He took Justice’s hand and led him to the stepladder. His hand was warm and calloused, and even in his current state, Justice couldn’t help but want to feel them on other parts of his skin.
Nic climbed the stepladder first, in case he needed to help pull Justice up. Justice reached out to him from the second step with what tried to be a smile but was more like a wince. “Thanks.”
“All aboard,” Nic said, giving him another drop dead smile.
* * * *
Nic was worried. Justice was fine when they got in the car. After they chatted for a bit, Nic had zoned out until they got to the marina. Justice had gotten a little cuddly when they were walking from the cab to the boat slip. But Nic heard labored breathing beside him, so he stopped to take a good look at Justice.
The kid was absolutely deathly, pure Egyptian cotton, pasty white. His skin was clammy. The hair at his temples was wet, and his eyes were as large as Kennedy half-dollars.
The captain’s quarters were behind the galley, so Nic snagged an ice-cold bottle of water from the fridge, then led Justice back to his room. His room was fairly large and well-appointed, considering it was on a boat. There was even a king-sized bed —though it was made by combining two twins.
He had a couple of armchairs, one of which he assumed Justice would use. But instead, he paced. And panted. And paced some more. Finally, he took a small, circular pill divider out of his pocket. Shaking one out, he tossed it back dry before chugging a mouthful of water. And then he paced some more.
“Um…don’t you want to sit down?” Nic asked, feeling lost and just a little insecure. Had he done something wrong?
Justice was visibly trembling. “No, I…I just
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