Read Online I Sleep in Hitler's Room by Tuvia Tenenbom - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Tuvia Tenenbom
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covers my face. Good to be a Ritz’er!
•••
Chapter 7
Faith: Catholics and Protestants Looking to Eat “Body of Christ” Together, Jews Stay Up the Night Looking to Eat Other Things
In Munich, a bird whispers in my ears on the morning after, they have something called
Kirchentag
(an ecclesiastical congress or, literally, “church day”). The Catholics and the Protestants of Germany are making peace, or something like that. I wasn’t aware that there was a war, but what do I know? Not much; I’m just a tourist.
Thousands upon thousands of Germans are flocking to Munich; perhaps I should join.Following breakfast in the hotel I board the train south. I’m no Christian, but I’m fascinated with people who want to unite. I love unifications, it gives me a sense of warmth. Especially today do I need it. It’s cloudy and rainy and the Ash Cloud keeps on traveling around the skies of Europe. The
Bild-Zeitung
declares that this is the coldest summer in one hundred years. People are complaining but still have hope that the German team will win the WM (World Cup), which is of course very important. The DB, the German train system, issues a Fan Card. I get one. It’s cheaper for fans to travel in Germany. Twenty-five percent off for two months from today, and, every time the German team wins, I get another month of 25 percent off.
The streets of Munich are packed with praying people. I never knew there were so many religious people in Germany. Here’s a group praying for Afghanistan.
Across the street is another group praying to Maria. Or the other way around—I get confused. Regina, a nice lady from Lübeck, recommends a special prayer meeting that’s scheduled for tomorrow.
What’s that?
“We will find out on which side of Jesus we will sit in Heaven.”
Which side do you think you will sit on?
“I’ll find out tomorrow.”
I get excited. If I stick around long enough, I’ll get a nice place in heaven. Maybe, just maybe, I could take with me the smiling lady from my Ritz-Carlton TV screen. I don’t know if I should tell you, but I get a kick out of this whole heaven business. Regina of Lübeck will get Jesus, and I’ll get Ms. Ritz.
I jog into a church, to learn more.
“You have a Jew accent,” Manfred says to me as I arrive at the church’s
Gute Nacht
(good night) Café, exactly at closing time. I get ready to leave but the fine people here won’t let a Heaven Seeker disappear into the night. I’m given a slice of cake with fresh coffee, and Manfred sits down to talk with me.
He met some Jews from the Jewish state, he informs me, and I share an accent with them. Am I a Jew?
No, I am Polish. Today I decide to be Polish. I had enough of being Jordanian, enough of being German. I need a Change. Like Barack Obama.
Manfred: “O, God. The Israelis are quite aggressive. They close down the border so that other people don’t get food, they starve the Palestinians of Gaza, they’re very engaged militarily. They don’t want peace, they want war.”
Nicely put, but there’s a little problem here: Gaza is sandwiched between Israel and Egypt. While the Israelis allow passage of some food and medicine into Gaza, the Egyptians do not allow anything through and keep their border with Gaza hermetically closed.
Does it bother you that Egypt closes the border even more than the Israelis do?
“I don’t know why the Egyptians do it, so I can’t make a judgment.”
But, of course, he knows The Jews.
Maybe he even knows I’m no Pole. I feel exposed. I sit here, eating this delicious cake in Munich, while I starve the Palestinians in Gaza. Horrible man I am. I’ll get no heaven. I won’t sit next to Ms. Ritz up there. Horrible, horrible, horrible. A horrible Jew, that’s all that I am. Tomorrow I’ll go to confession.
But on the day of morrow, cruel man that I am, I walk immediately into an exhibition tent called Oasis of Temptation. Where else! My temptation source for today is an attractive
•••
Chapter 7
Faith: Catholics and Protestants Looking to Eat “Body of Christ” Together, Jews Stay Up the Night Looking to Eat Other Things
In Munich, a bird whispers in my ears on the morning after, they have something called
Kirchentag
(an ecclesiastical congress or, literally, “church day”). The Catholics and the Protestants of Germany are making peace, or something like that. I wasn’t aware that there was a war, but what do I know? Not much; I’m just a tourist.
Thousands upon thousands of Germans are flocking to Munich; perhaps I should join.Following breakfast in the hotel I board the train south. I’m no Christian, but I’m fascinated with people who want to unite. I love unifications, it gives me a sense of warmth. Especially today do I need it. It’s cloudy and rainy and the Ash Cloud keeps on traveling around the skies of Europe. The
Bild-Zeitung
declares that this is the coldest summer in one hundred years. People are complaining but still have hope that the German team will win the WM (World Cup), which is of course very important. The DB, the German train system, issues a Fan Card. I get one. It’s cheaper for fans to travel in Germany. Twenty-five percent off for two months from today, and, every time the German team wins, I get another month of 25 percent off.
The streets of Munich are packed with praying people. I never knew there were so many religious people in Germany. Here’s a group praying for Afghanistan.
Across the street is another group praying to Maria. Or the other way around—I get confused. Regina, a nice lady from Lübeck, recommends a special prayer meeting that’s scheduled for tomorrow.
What’s that?
“We will find out on which side of Jesus we will sit in Heaven.”
Which side do you think you will sit on?
“I’ll find out tomorrow.”
I get excited. If I stick around long enough, I’ll get a nice place in heaven. Maybe, just maybe, I could take with me the smiling lady from my Ritz-Carlton TV screen. I don’t know if I should tell you, but I get a kick out of this whole heaven business. Regina of Lübeck will get Jesus, and I’ll get Ms. Ritz.
I jog into a church, to learn more.
“You have a Jew accent,” Manfred says to me as I arrive at the church’s
Gute Nacht
(good night) Café, exactly at closing time. I get ready to leave but the fine people here won’t let a Heaven Seeker disappear into the night. I’m given a slice of cake with fresh coffee, and Manfred sits down to talk with me.
He met some Jews from the Jewish state, he informs me, and I share an accent with them. Am I a Jew?
No, I am Polish. Today I decide to be Polish. I had enough of being Jordanian, enough of being German. I need a Change. Like Barack Obama.
Manfred: “O, God. The Israelis are quite aggressive. They close down the border so that other people don’t get food, they starve the Palestinians of Gaza, they’re very engaged militarily. They don’t want peace, they want war.”
Nicely put, but there’s a little problem here: Gaza is sandwiched between Israel and Egypt. While the Israelis allow passage of some food and medicine into Gaza, the Egyptians do not allow anything through and keep their border with Gaza hermetically closed.
Does it bother you that Egypt closes the border even more than the Israelis do?
“I don’t know why the Egyptians do it, so I can’t make a judgment.”
But, of course, he knows The Jews.
Maybe he even knows I’m no Pole. I feel exposed. I sit here, eating this delicious cake in Munich, while I starve the Palestinians in Gaza. Horrible man I am. I’ll get no heaven. I won’t sit next to Ms. Ritz up there. Horrible, horrible, horrible. A horrible Jew, that’s all that I am. Tomorrow I’ll go to confession.
But on the day of morrow, cruel man that I am, I walk immediately into an exhibition tent called Oasis of Temptation. Where else! My temptation source for today is an attractive
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