moved in together. I think it was even before we’d said I love you . Such a cute photo; we’re
standing on the Brooklyn Bridge wearing winter coats with Manhattan in the
background. We look happy, him behind me with his hands in the front pockets of
my jeans. My head is rested against his chest because that’s how high it
reaches. We’ve got huge smiles on our faces. The tourist who’d taken the photo
had asked just get engaged ? Josh told
her, not yet and had kissed me on the
crown of my head. Awesome fucking day. Unlike this one.
Tearing my eyes away from the past, I fold the
empty reusable bags and tuck them under the sink. Even though he’s right over
there, I feel lonely. How did we get here? I look to the garbage. It’s past its
due date. “The garbage is starting to smell, honey.”
“Yeah, it is,” he mumbles.
Yeah… it
is? Awesome. Alright, fine. They
say if you can beat him, join him, right? Maybe I can reach through to him by
feigning interest in the stupid news, which I hate with every fiber of my being
because it’s so incredibly depressing. “You reading anything interesting?”
He looks up, surprised and I smile for the
attention. I have to admit, he’s very cute; soft dark brown hair cut shorter
now, green eyes, strong chin inherited from his father’s side. I am very much
in love with him, regardless of our current state. He makes my heart skip and
my stomach flip when he looks at me sometimes. This is one of those times.
“On the news?” he asks.
My smile grows wider. “Yeah,” I say, thinking maybe
I’ll get a little action tonight. That’d be a nice change. I lean my hip on the
counter in an attempt to look seductive and aloof. While smiling.
“Are you serious? It’s everything that’s going on
in the world, Amber. Of course it’s interesting. What’s happening in Egypt is
terrifying. Unemployment in America is ridiculous. Our government is insane.
It’s not exactly shopping , but it’s
pretty interesting.”
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Not so cute anymore. Fucker.
I lean deeper onto the counter in discouragement
as that stomach flip turns into an ache. “Sorry for interrupting.”
He turns away and shakes his head like he’s
dealing with a moron. He’s right. I am a moron because what have I been doing
for weeks now? Nothing. Have I been speaking up, other than the hints I think I
constantly give? Nope. Has he been reciprocating anything at all, what so ever?
Nope. Amber… what are you waiting for ,
I ask myself. The answer slams into my consciousness with a strength that is
shocking.
I walk to where I left the bag of Gala apples on
the built-in island that separates us. I rest my hands on the counter beside
the plastic bag, my fingers very close to a shiny red apple with his name on
it. I brace myself to give him one last chance, and ask steadily, “Honey. Wanna
do something tonight?”
He doesn’t look up as I tear open the bag, pull
one out, small and perfect, and listen to his response with it bouncing in my
hand. “I’m beat, babe. I wanna watch television tonight.”
Huh. You want to watch television tonight? Of
course you do. This apple has a good weight to it. I was pretty good at
softball when I was in middle school. I hated playing it. I wanted to be a
ballerina but my dad said, only sissies
dance on their toes . He’d wanted a boy and I wouldn’t dare disappoint him
again by not acting like one, so softball it was. Looks like it’s going to
serve me after all.
I gauge the distance. I can nail him easily, despite
lack of recent practice. Maybe fury and disillusionment helps one’s aim?
“You sure, honey?” I ask, smiling.
Annoyed, he mumbles into his laptop, “Yep.”
“That’s what I thought.” I reach my right arm
back, get some strength and balance behind my throw. Then I take focus, aim, and
let it rip.
The apple misses Josh completely and hits the
computer, knocks it right off his lap!
He turns to me, amazed, mouth wide open. “WHAT
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