Read Online I Have a Secret (A Sloane Monroe Novel, Book Three) by Cheryl Bradshaw - Free Book Online Page B

his nickname,” I said.  “Figured it was given to him by another actor.”
    She shook her head.  “A fireman named him that when he was a kid.  He used to deliver papers with his dog named Duke.  The fireman called them Big Duke and Little Duke.” 
    “Wow.  I had no idea.”
    “I didn’t either until Doug gave me the backstory one night on John Wayne’s life.  I’m worried about him.”
    “The horse?”
    She nodded. “He’s barely eaten in days.  It’s like he senses something’s wrong because Doug hasn’t been here. He used to stop by after he got off work.”  Trista angled her head toward the next stall.  “You ride?”
    I backed up a few paces and waved my hands across each other.  “I haven’t ridden a horse since I was a kid.”
    “Why not?”
    “I got bucked off once.  Haven’t had much of a desire to get back on one since.”
    Trista walked over to a pile of hay in the corner, sat down and indicated with her finger for me to sit next to her, but ever since we’d entered the barn I’d squeezed one of my hands over my nose to block the smell.  She hadn’t seemed to notice. 
    “Would you mind if we walked around outside instead?” I said.
    She shrugged and followed me out of the stable.  “I’ve been coming here every day since Doug died.  I don’t know why.  I never paid much attention to his horse before, but now…”
    “It makes you feel close to him, doesn’t it?”
    “In a way.  In other ways I probably make it harder on myself by being here. I don’t know why I do it.  I guess I’m trying to hold on to him any way I can.”
    She stopped and leaned over a wooden fence post. I stood next to her. “Trista, I need to ask you a question.”
    She swirled some dirt around with the tip of her rounded boot and stared at the ground. “I know. Heather called me, and you’re right…I should have told you. But he’s dead, and I didn’t want you to remember him that way. Besides,” she shrugged, “he was only with her the one time.”
    I placed my hand on the fence post and watched the horses frolicking in the field next to where we stood.  “You don’t need to convince me—one night of infidelity doesn’t change my feelings toward him. It was a mistake. He loved you.  I don’t doubt that.”
    Trista grimaced. “I wanted to beat the crap out of her, you know. Not for the cheating—I mean, I hated that part too, but I knew he could talk to her in a way he couldn’t talk to me. I asked him a thousand times to open up and he still wouldn’t.”
    “You understand why, right?”
    She shook her head. 
    “He didn’t want you to worry,” I said. “Doug wanted you to see him for the man he wanted to be—if he spilled out all his problems to you, he would have felt like even more of a failure.” I faced her. “So what. They slept together. The way I see it, Heather was more of a counselor to him than anything else. She was someone he confided in so he could get past his issues and back to his family.”
    She frowned. “He turned to her because he couldn’t turn to me, you know. I got sick of asking and getting nowhere. So I became numb—to him, to the kids, everyone. I probably pushed him right into her.”
    “There’s no shame for taking something to help you cope,” I said. 
    A look of shock washed over Trista’s face. Obviously Heather hadn’t told her everything about our time together. She gave me a look like I just didn’t get it. “What about when your doctor prescribes one pill a day but you take ten and you have to be rushed to the hospital to get your stomach pumped? What then?”
    I put my arm around her shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with a wake-up call. We all need them from time to time. You’re here, you’re alive, and doing the best you can. You have three beautiful reasons to pick yourself up and move on. Your kids need you now more than ever.”  

 
    I was poised on a black velvet chair in an Italian restaurant.  The