Read Online I Have a Bad Feeling About This by Jeff Strand - Free Book Online Page B

try for an underground one, if you can dig really fast,” he said.
    â€œI can’t dig really fast.”
    â€œA lean-to then?”
    â€œSure.”
    â€œDo you know how to make one?”
    â€œI can’t even visualize a lean-to,” said Henry. “I’m picturing something, but I think it’s a teepee.”
    â€œWe may be screwed on the lean-to idea then.”
    â€œWhy didn’t you look it up before we got here?”
    â€œI thought they were going to teach us survival skills! I purposely didn’t look up how to build a shelter because I thought the instructor would appreciate me being a clean slate! Otherwise, I would’ve been all like, ‘No, no, that’s not how Wikipedia says to do it.’ Why didn’t you look it up before we got here?”
    â€œWe can’t turn against each other,” said Henry. “That’s what Erik and Stu and maybe Jackie want us to do. We’ve got to work together. If we work together, what do you think the odds are of us finding a cave?”
    â€œPoor.”
    â€œI agree. Okay, so however we build the shelter, we’re going to need branches. Let’s get lots of branches.”
    Randy nodded. They searched for the nearest branch-producing object, which was not a time-consuming task since they were in the woods.
    Henry found a tree that had at least twenty or thirty accessible branches that looked perfect for building the shelter he couldn’t visualize. They didn’t have a chainsaw, hacksaw, machete, pocketknife, butcher knife, steak knife, tin can lid, sharpened teeth, or anything else that would help them to saw off the branches, but suddenly, Henry got an idea.
    He walked over to where Max and Jackie stood, watching them. “Sir?”
    â€œYes?”
    â€œCan you spare a grenade, sir?”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œIn a survival situation, having a grenade to blow off a bunch of branches can save time.”
    â€œI like the way you think,” said Max. “But a criminal level of irresponsibility can only be taken so far and I have to say no.”
    â€œWell, sir,” said Henry, not giving up, “nothing would be a greater honor than to watch you explode the branches for us.”
    â€œAre you patronizing me, you little puke?”
    â€œNo, sir. I’m here to learn.”
    â€œPig, horse, and bull crap. Jackie, sabotage their shelter.”
    â€œThey haven’t started it yet, sir.”
    â€œThen pee on the ground where they’re going to build it.”
    â€œI don’t have to go, sir.”
    â€œForget it then.” Max looked at Henry and then cracked his knuckles in such a way to clearly send the message: Pretend that my knuckles are your neck. Or your spine. Either one works. “Do not try to outwit me. I’m smarter than I look. And I’m smart enough to know that you’re thinking, ‘That’s not very hard to do.’ Go on. Think it if you weren’t already.”
    Henry was already thinking it. It was extremely difficult to keep his face from giving that away.
    â€œI could probably pee now,” said Jackie.
    â€œNah, save it. Henry, get back to your shelter.”
    â€œHe won’t let us blow up the tree,” Henry said, walking back over to Randy.
    â€œOh well.” Randy had only gotten three branches off. They were going to have to work faster than that if they expected to win, although Henry didn’t say this, because it could be interpreted as a similar comment to the “Why didn’t you look it up before we got here?” one, which had been poorly received.
    Randy had laid the cloth out on the ground. The bird chirped. Henry wasn’t sure if the bird was offering moral support or insulting him.
    Henry grabbed one of the lower branches. “Ow,” he said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œNothing.”
    â€œYou shouldn’t grab the poky part.”
    â€œI didn’t know there was a