Read Online I Do Not Sleep by Judy Finnigan - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Judy Finnigan
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guess.’
Lola’s lovely face softened. ‘Yes, I can tell. This is hard for you, isn’t it? Being back here?’
‘No, no. It’s lovely to be here in Cornwall, with you and Danny and Edie. A new start, just as Adam said it would be.’
Lola looked as if she didn’t believe me. She turned to Danny and said in a low voice, ‘I told you. I said it was too soon. I knew she’d be unhappy. We shouldn’t have come.’
Danny looked uncomfortable. ‘Lola, leave it, will you? Dad and I thought it was right, coming back here. And I still think —’
Lola interrupted. ‘I think your mum needs a break. Molly, why don’t you go upstairs for a nap? I’ll sort out supper. You go and have a rest. I’ll wake you up at dinner time.’
I felt hugely grateful to be given permission to disappear. To be off duty, allowed to be myself, and not pretend to be brave. I smiled at Lola. ‘Thank you, love. I would like a rest.’ Then I looked anxiously at Danny. ‘I’m fine, Danny, really I am. Just not a spring chicken any more. We older ladies need our naps.’
‘You’re not old, Mum. You’re only fifty. Far too young to be a glamorous granny, even. You’re the youngest grandmother I know.’
‘Yeah, well, I started young with you. Only twenty-two when you were born.’ I smiled at him affectionately.
‘Gosh. You really had Danny when you were only twenty-two?’ asked Lola in surprise.
‘Well, Adam and I met at university. It was love at first sight. We got married straight after graduation. It was a bit of a surprise when you came along so quickly, but we were delighted really.’
‘And then Joey came, just three years later?’
‘Yes.’ I stopped. ‘I’m going upstairs for a rest, pets. I’ll see you later.’
But I didn’t. I did go up to bed, took my clothes off and sank on to the comfortable mattress. I fell asleep immediately, but I didn’t go down to supper. When Adam came up to wake me, I felt ill. I had a raging temperature. My head ached and I felt totally sick. Whatever virus little Evie had had, I’d obviously got it.
I moaned apologetically to Adam. I felt so bad, like all mothers do when they’re not living up to their responsibilities. I was letting everyone down. I should be in the kitchen, helping to serve up, being the perfect grandmother.
But I couldn’t do it. I needed to rest. And when Adam left me, I drifted immediately into a feverish sleep. I got up twice during the night to throw up, retching into the toilet. I was vaguely aware of Adam coming to bed, settling down next to me, finding his way around the darkened room with the light from his phone. I was boiling hot; and when I finally managed to let go, I entered a world no mother should ever have to breach.
The island. What was this island? I did not know, but in my fevered dream it consumed me. He was there, my Joey, I knew he was there. Only I could find him, but why? How? What was there to discover? I dreamed of caves, raging seas and, as my feverish mouth craved water, I dreamed of him, my son, desperate with thirst.
Oh, Joey. Where are you? Let me find you, my love, let me rescue you.
Chapter Eighteen
Next morning I still felt very ill. I barely woke up, registering dimly the movement downstairs which meant the family was awake. But I was confused, surfing restlessly through a consciousness that phased in and out, dipping through awareness, and then retreating into the delicious warmth of a fever-induced sleep.
At some point mid-morning, Adam stuck his head round the door, a broad smile on his lips.
‘Molly, are you OK?’
No , I thought. I’m not OK . I groaned, to show him I was awake but wanted to be left alone.
It didn’t work. He was thrilled with himself, I could tell.
‘Molly, guess who’s here? It’s amazing, you’ll be so happy to see her.’
No, no, no, no, no , I thought. I’m not happy to see anyone. I don’t care who it is, I don’t care if it’s the Queen. I’m ill. I couldn’t give
Lola’s lovely face softened. ‘Yes, I can tell. This is hard for you, isn’t it? Being back here?’
‘No, no. It’s lovely to be here in Cornwall, with you and Danny and Edie. A new start, just as Adam said it would be.’
Lola looked as if she didn’t believe me. She turned to Danny and said in a low voice, ‘I told you. I said it was too soon. I knew she’d be unhappy. We shouldn’t have come.’
Danny looked uncomfortable. ‘Lola, leave it, will you? Dad and I thought it was right, coming back here. And I still think —’
Lola interrupted. ‘I think your mum needs a break. Molly, why don’t you go upstairs for a nap? I’ll sort out supper. You go and have a rest. I’ll wake you up at dinner time.’
I felt hugely grateful to be given permission to disappear. To be off duty, allowed to be myself, and not pretend to be brave. I smiled at Lola. ‘Thank you, love. I would like a rest.’ Then I looked anxiously at Danny. ‘I’m fine, Danny, really I am. Just not a spring chicken any more. We older ladies need our naps.’
‘You’re not old, Mum. You’re only fifty. Far too young to be a glamorous granny, even. You’re the youngest grandmother I know.’
‘Yeah, well, I started young with you. Only twenty-two when you were born.’ I smiled at him affectionately.
‘Gosh. You really had Danny when you were only twenty-two?’ asked Lola in surprise.
‘Well, Adam and I met at university. It was love at first sight. We got married straight after graduation. It was a bit of a surprise when you came along so quickly, but we were delighted really.’
‘And then Joey came, just three years later?’
‘Yes.’ I stopped. ‘I’m going upstairs for a rest, pets. I’ll see you later.’
But I didn’t. I did go up to bed, took my clothes off and sank on to the comfortable mattress. I fell asleep immediately, but I didn’t go down to supper. When Adam came up to wake me, I felt ill. I had a raging temperature. My head ached and I felt totally sick. Whatever virus little Evie had had, I’d obviously got it.
I moaned apologetically to Adam. I felt so bad, like all mothers do when they’re not living up to their responsibilities. I was letting everyone down. I should be in the kitchen, helping to serve up, being the perfect grandmother.
But I couldn’t do it. I needed to rest. And when Adam left me, I drifted immediately into a feverish sleep. I got up twice during the night to throw up, retching into the toilet. I was vaguely aware of Adam coming to bed, settling down next to me, finding his way around the darkened room with the light from his phone. I was boiling hot; and when I finally managed to let go, I entered a world no mother should ever have to breach.
The island. What was this island? I did not know, but in my fevered dream it consumed me. He was there, my Joey, I knew he was there. Only I could find him, but why? How? What was there to discover? I dreamed of caves, raging seas and, as my feverish mouth craved water, I dreamed of him, my son, desperate with thirst.
Oh, Joey. Where are you? Let me find you, my love, let me rescue you.
Chapter Eighteen
Next morning I still felt very ill. I barely woke up, registering dimly the movement downstairs which meant the family was awake. But I was confused, surfing restlessly through a consciousness that phased in and out, dipping through awareness, and then retreating into the delicious warmth of a fever-induced sleep.
At some point mid-morning, Adam stuck his head round the door, a broad smile on his lips.
‘Molly, are you OK?’
No , I thought. I’m not OK . I groaned, to show him I was awake but wanted to be left alone.
It didn’t work. He was thrilled with himself, I could tell.
‘Molly, guess who’s here? It’s amazing, you’ll be so happy to see her.’
No, no, no, no, no , I thought. I’m not happy to see anyone. I don’t care who it is, I don’t care if it’s the Queen. I’m ill. I couldn’t give
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