Read Online I Do Not Sleep by Judy Finnigan - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Judy Finnigan
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Molly?’ he asked politely.
I shook my head. ‘No thanks, Ben. Not hungry. But what about you?’
‘No, I’ll get something when I go home.’
Home. That was a strange thought. His home was here in Polperro. Where Joey vanished.
Chapter Sixteen
‘Look,’ said Ben after an awkward couple of minutes. ‘Do you mind if we go for a walk? I can’t really talk about Joey here. Too many memories.’
‘OK. That’s fine. Some air will do us good. I just had such a need to see you, and to ask you about Joey’s last day.’
He looked evasive, I thought. But this couldn’t be easy for him.
We left the Blue Peter, down the steep stone steps, and turned left away from the harbour. I asked Ben where he was living, and he said at one of the Crumplehorn cottages up at the top of the village.
We walked, slowly and awkwardly. To break the silence that had descended upon us, I asked my first question: ‘Ben, why did Joey go out on his own that day? Why weren’t you with him?’
He snuffled slightly. ‘We weren’t joined at the hip. We were both competent sailors in our own right.’
‘I know. But still, it seems odd to me. Where did he tell you he was going?’
‘I have no idea. He just said he wanted to take the boat out on his own.’
‘Didn’t you mind? Weren’t you curious?’
Ben was ruffled. ‘No. We weren’t babies. We each had our own lives.’
‘Was he meeting someone? Did he want to be alone for a reason?’ I pressed on.
Ben looked truculent. ‘How should I know? Look, Molly, Joey told me he wanted to take the boat out and he’d meet me at lunchtime in the Blue Peter. What was I supposed to do? Throw a tantrum?’
I looked at him. This was strange. Why was this young man so defensive? I tried to mollify him.
‘It’s OK, Ben. I’m not implying anything, of course not. It’s just… I desperately need to know what happened. And I know you cared for Joey. I thought maybe you could give me some insight into how he was feeling that morning.’
‘Well I can’t, Molly. I’m sorry. I know how much you must miss him, how much you’ve grieved. Me too. I don’t think you understand how much.’ Ben swallowed hard. ‘He was my best friend. I knew him right from when we were little. Can’t you understand how horrible it all was for me as well as you? I’m sorry for your loss,’ and he said this almost formally, ‘but it was my loss too. I want to forget about it. I have a life to lead.’
And he turned and walked quickly away from me. Up the hill, towards the Crumplehorn Inn, with a youthful litheness I could not hope to follow.
I stared after him, then trudged back up the hill to the car park. Back in the Volvo I sat quietly, trying to work out what my abortive mission to Polperro had actually achieved. Very little, obviously, but something was wrong. I felt tired. I was desperate to get back to normality, to Adam’s comforting solidity, to Danny, Lola and above all little Edie. I needed to hold her in my arms, to feel her wriggle and chuckle, to experience her warm little life growing as intimations of death claimed my thoughts.
I drove back to Coombe. I’d had enough. Warmth and love was what I craved. Luckily my family was there to provide it.
Chapter Seventeen
When I got back Adam was still watching the cricket, but Danny, Lola and Edie were sitting in the garden. Edie was drinking milk, but her parents had opened a bottle of wine. Lola poured me a glass and looked at me closely.
‘What’s up, Molly? Is everything all right?’
‘Oh yes, of course. I didn’t go to Fowey though,’ I stumbled, as I remembered I hadn’t brought anything back for dinner. ‘Just didn’t feel like it, so sorry, I didn’t get the lamb. I went for a long walk instead.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. We won’t starve,’ said Danny easily. ‘There’s spaghetti bolognaise in the fridge, and lasagne.’
‘Right, of course.’
‘Mum. Are you OK?’
‘Yes, of course. A bit tired, I
I shook my head. ‘No thanks, Ben. Not hungry. But what about you?’
‘No, I’ll get something when I go home.’
Home. That was a strange thought. His home was here in Polperro. Where Joey vanished.
Chapter Sixteen
‘Look,’ said Ben after an awkward couple of minutes. ‘Do you mind if we go for a walk? I can’t really talk about Joey here. Too many memories.’
‘OK. That’s fine. Some air will do us good. I just had such a need to see you, and to ask you about Joey’s last day.’
He looked evasive, I thought. But this couldn’t be easy for him.
We left the Blue Peter, down the steep stone steps, and turned left away from the harbour. I asked Ben where he was living, and he said at one of the Crumplehorn cottages up at the top of the village.
We walked, slowly and awkwardly. To break the silence that had descended upon us, I asked my first question: ‘Ben, why did Joey go out on his own that day? Why weren’t you with him?’
He snuffled slightly. ‘We weren’t joined at the hip. We were both competent sailors in our own right.’
‘I know. But still, it seems odd to me. Where did he tell you he was going?’
‘I have no idea. He just said he wanted to take the boat out on his own.’
‘Didn’t you mind? Weren’t you curious?’
Ben was ruffled. ‘No. We weren’t babies. We each had our own lives.’
‘Was he meeting someone? Did he want to be alone for a reason?’ I pressed on.
Ben looked truculent. ‘How should I know? Look, Molly, Joey told me he wanted to take the boat out and he’d meet me at lunchtime in the Blue Peter. What was I supposed to do? Throw a tantrum?’
I looked at him. This was strange. Why was this young man so defensive? I tried to mollify him.
‘It’s OK, Ben. I’m not implying anything, of course not. It’s just… I desperately need to know what happened. And I know you cared for Joey. I thought maybe you could give me some insight into how he was feeling that morning.’
‘Well I can’t, Molly. I’m sorry. I know how much you must miss him, how much you’ve grieved. Me too. I don’t think you understand how much.’ Ben swallowed hard. ‘He was my best friend. I knew him right from when we were little. Can’t you understand how horrible it all was for me as well as you? I’m sorry for your loss,’ and he said this almost formally, ‘but it was my loss too. I want to forget about it. I have a life to lead.’
And he turned and walked quickly away from me. Up the hill, towards the Crumplehorn Inn, with a youthful litheness I could not hope to follow.
I stared after him, then trudged back up the hill to the car park. Back in the Volvo I sat quietly, trying to work out what my abortive mission to Polperro had actually achieved. Very little, obviously, but something was wrong. I felt tired. I was desperate to get back to normality, to Adam’s comforting solidity, to Danny, Lola and above all little Edie. I needed to hold her in my arms, to feel her wriggle and chuckle, to experience her warm little life growing as intimations of death claimed my thoughts.
I drove back to Coombe. I’d had enough. Warmth and love was what I craved. Luckily my family was there to provide it.
Chapter Seventeen
When I got back Adam was still watching the cricket, but Danny, Lola and Edie were sitting in the garden. Edie was drinking milk, but her parents had opened a bottle of wine. Lola poured me a glass and looked at me closely.
‘What’s up, Molly? Is everything all right?’
‘Oh yes, of course. I didn’t go to Fowey though,’ I stumbled, as I remembered I hadn’t brought anything back for dinner. ‘Just didn’t feel like it, so sorry, I didn’t get the lamb. I went for a long walk instead.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. We won’t starve,’ said Danny easily. ‘There’s spaghetti bolognaise in the fridge, and lasagne.’
‘Right, of course.’
‘Mum. Are you OK?’
‘Yes, of course. A bit tired, I
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