like something broke inside of me. I buried my face in my hands and cried, sobs that shook my whole body with sadness. Mom stood up and came over to me, rubbing my back and hugging me fiercely while I got out all of the emotions I had been bottling up since the funeral.
“What’s going on?”
The sound of Erik’s voice cut through the haze, but I couldn’t respond with the hiccups. My mom got me a glass of water as Erik took her spot at my side and I chugged it back quickly, nodding my thanks to her as I caught my breath and hastily wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Goodnight, you two,” my mom said softly from the doorway before disappearing to give us some privacy.
I was trying to ignore the concerned expression Erik was giving me but when he whispered my name questioningly, I finally turned to face him.
Just like it always did, my sadness had rapidly morphed into anger. “Are you leaving tomorrow?”
I already knew the answer, having seen him earlier packing up his belongings and shoving some of his stuff in his bike, but I needed to hear the words coming from his mouth.
“Yes. I can’t stay here.”
I could hear the sorrow in his tone but it wasn’t enough to placate me. I stood up, hardening my eyes even though my voice wavered as I said, “I think you should sleep in the guest room tonight.”
“Kristen, wait!” Erik called as I ran from the room.
I closed my bedroom door behind me and locked it, ignoring the loud whisper as he stood on the other side and tried to talk to me without disturbing my mom. He begged me to let him in, to let him explain, but I didn’t want to hear it.
In a daze, I walked over to my closet and opened the door, turning on the light and sitting down on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and closing my eyes as I tipped my head down and silently cried.
I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t listen to Erik attempt to explain why he had to leave me.
My heart already felt like it was ripping into a million pieces.
~*~*~
I peaked out from behind the curtain, watching as my mom and Erik spoke in the driveway. Even from a distance he appeared disheveled and I wondered if he had as hard a time sleeping last night as I did.
He ran a hair through his hair and said something to my mom, the look on his face clearly frustrated. After a few more minutes of the two speaking back and forth, she turned around and headed for the house. I nearly sobbed at the thought of him leaving without saying good-bye to me but when I saw him prop his helmet on the seat of his bike, I realized that he wasn’t leaving yet.
My mom came in the house and shut the door, looking over at me with a total lack of surprise. She knew I wouldn’t just let him leave without at least saying good-bye, no matter how angry I was.
“The choice is yours, Kristen.”
Her eyes flickered between me and the packed bag sitting on the coffee table. A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips and she tilted her head, looking at me proudly.
“I don’t know how long he’ll wait. I told him I’d try to get you out of your room.”
I nodded, peaking back out the window once more to watch Erik pace up and down the driveway, looking as lost as I felt.
“Am I making a mistake?” I asked, not looking away from the man I wanted more than anything. “To leave home and uproot my life for a man? Is it a mistake?”
“Relationships require compromise. No matter how much you try to keep the score even, one partner always has to give up a little more than the other. The question you need to ask yourself is- Is he worth it?”
“He is,” I whispered, knowing without a doubt that it was true. “I love him.”
“I know, sweetie. So go.”
I somehow managed to hold back my tears as I hugged my mom good-bye, promising to call her as soon as I could. We knew I’d be back eventually, the bag I had packed was incredibly small and I would need to come home for more of my belongings soon.
“I love
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