Casting.
Now, wear your hat outside and the world really will be a different place.
How to achieve perfection
Whether you are born with beauty, or not, you have to maintain yourself. Appearances are everything, and so ensuring you have regular MOTs is an essential part of being a lady, or not, case depending.
Waxing hurts, but it ensures finer regrowth, lasts longer than shaving and gives a smoother, more feminine feel. Exfoliate at least two days before you go for your waxing appointment. It frees follicles, ensuring hair is pulled from roots, and makes it less painful. Taking painkillers is another option.
Don’t attempt to do home waxing unless you are a professional beautician or suicidal. Waxing also needs to be planned in advance, as you need to allow a day or two for skin to calm and stop resembling that of freshly plucked chicken.
You budget for the upkeep of your house, regularly service your car, so why cut corners on yourself?
Copy this schedule into the front page of your diary/planner and ensure you keep the system smooth and purring.
The Bare Essential Ladies’ MOT
Bikini line:
Deep breath: a Brazilian, every 2–3 weeks. Note: before we leave this topic, which we will very soon, be wise, and never shave here.
Underarms
Either wax – every 2–3 weeks – or shave every other day. You sweat more in summer so there is faster regrowth. Go for whichever option you can stomach or budget.
Legs
Wax every 3–4 weeks or shave as required. Go for a half leg in winter, full leg in summer. Darker hair may need more attention. Waxing and salon methods are more effective than the razor.
Eyebrows
Get plucked, waxed or threaded, whatever you wish. (Threading is a beauty technique from India where twisted cotton is rolled and twisted over the skin to remove the hair from the follicle. Totally painful, but your choice.) Whatever you decide it is advised you do it once a month. But you can keep tidy by plucking (cautiously) at home.
Facial
The stresses of modern society mean it is recommended you have a salon facial every six weeks to purify and detox skin.
Pedicure/manicure
Once a month to maintain shape and colour.
Lip hair
If you have it, deal with it. Wax once a month or as necessary. Bleaching is utterly pointless. You might think you want electrolysis but your pain tolerance barrier has to be sky high to go for this option on your lip.
These are the basic no-frill essentials. Alarming but true. Ideally everything should be done in a salon. You would not attempt to MOT your own car, or operate on yourself, so why on earth would you let anyone other than a professional work with your body and on your face? Individuals should assess the need and budget accordingly. For holidays, weddings (particularly your own) and special occasions salon trips are highly recommended. Do not forget hair/colour maintenance and regular dental appointments. Hair 6–8 weeks. Dentist every 6–12 months.
How to Have Perfect Vision
‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’ Proverb
How to wear contact lenses
Assuming the world only has eyes for you, you should make sure that you are able to view it with equal clarity. If you do not have 20/20 vision spectacles are very becoming, and give an air of intellect to a person. But if they are not your bag, and life is a blur, you need to get to grips with contact lenses.
If you can get them in, contact lenses are the non-laser-surgery option to achieve ‘natural vision’, without having to wear specs. They also give you the option to change your eye colour.
That said, they are not great for hay fever or allergy sufferers who are prone to watery eyes, or for people who are squeamish or are generally babyish about touching their eyeballs.
If you hate wearing glasses, are ‘beauty conscious’, sporty or have a non-glasses-friendly occupation, contact lenses are great. Also, a science bit here: if you suffer from moderate to serious refractive error and need vision
SM Reine
Jeff Holmes
Edward Hollis
Martha Grimes
Eugenia Kim
Elizabeth Marshall
Jayne Castle
Kennedy Kelly
Paul Cornell
David R. Morrell